To ask how your partner helps if you’re unwell?

He took my stitches out (I taught him how to do it 😂) after my shoulder surgery because I caught Covid and the practice nurse wouldn’t see me, and didn’t want the stitches to get stuck!

If I’m sicky, he’ll rinse out the sick bowl for me and bring me water and snacks.

If I’m snotty, he can’t bear to be anywhere near me due to an intense phobia of sniffing 😂 but I do get regular snacks and drinks and the bed to myself (he takes himself and the dog off to the sofa!)

Baby due in December and I’ve had an awful time with nausea and exhaustion so he’s taught himself to cook as I can’t bear the smell of anything cooking and will just place a meal in front of me to make sure I eat something. We’ve already agreed between us that he will deal with a vomiting baby and I will deal with a snotty baby!

What a dick!

When I'm sick my dp takes over 100% of the house and childcare and encourages me to have a sleep. He will find paracetamol, bring hot water bottles and wash out sick bowls.

I do the same for him. I think this is a normal partnership.

Not helping when you're sick seems to lack normal compassion.

You need to stay in bed and leave him to it.

Stop enabling him by feeding the kids etc. he needs to do this. And if he doesn't you need to rethink whether you want your bring up your children thinking this is a norod acceptable way to behave.

I'm very sorry: what you are describing is the behaviour of a man exasperated that his usually reliable household appliance is malfunctioning, rather than someone who loves you and shows that love in his care for you.

What usually happens when he’s ill?

This is where you realise how he views you. You are an appliance and an inconvenience when you break down and do not perform your normal every day duties.

My Dh is the same as Dance because he loves me. Why would someone who should love and care for you treat you appallingly? If you can go to your parents, do it, leave him behind with the children where you can get well and he understands your worth and value.

His behaviour is disgusting.

My DH would take over all parenting, housework etc and visit me regularly to offer pain killers, food, drink and entertainment.

Your partner is a complete arsehole. What do you get out of this relationship.

You haven't got a 'partner', just a low quality misogynist. There's no point to him. Make plans for a peaceful, happy future where you've dumped him and your kids don't think men like him are normal.

How did he treat you during pregnancy and postpartum? He sounds like a knob

Your dh is a selfish, disrespectful toe rag. He should be taking over and allowing you to recover.

I sadly get incapacitated more often than average. He takes over everything child related. My care isn’t always the priority like it was pre-children, but the level it has dropped is understandable. He can’t dote on me the same way he used to. So we try to strategize and stock my bedside with drinks and snacks if we know I can’t get up easily and he will be busy.

Honestly my only complaint is that the house gets messy when I am not in charge. Our routine just falls apart. Everyone is fed and happy and everything that matters is taken care of, so ultimately I don’t really care that the mail didn’t get opened.

No kids so I do t know how he’d deal with that side of things but I’m one of those people who refuse to be ill so I normally get sent to bed when he gets home and he sorts dinner. Usually a take-away to be fair or oven pizzas. Not exactly the health giving dinner I need but it’s food.

It wouldn’t occur to him to bring me a cup of tea or put on a load of washing though.

Better than some, not as helpful as others!

You deserve more than he’s giving. He’s being a lazy git.

DH used to be horrendous if I was ever unwell. It was as if I'd done it deliberately to inconvenience him. "Revenge" came sweetly when he had surgery with some complications, and I treated him in the exact same way. He had a sad puppy dog face that I wasn't being more kind, but I just said to him that this was exactly how he treats me so why should I be any different.

He's def improved in the last couple of years.

We don't have DC, but he takes over with the animals and the house until I'm better, and I do the same for him in return. I don't think that's lovely behaviour either, really, it's just normal human decency.

About 15 years ago I needed to have my appendix out and was in a right state when I came out of hospital. We slept on a low futon bed at the time and he realised I would struggle to get up and out of bed, so he sat me down in the living room, went out and bought timber and put legs on the bed - 12 of them for some reason. I was quite out of it and had no idea what he was doing, so it was a lovely surprise and a big relief to know I'd be able to get in and out of bed. I'd do the same for him, we look after each other. He's had a rotten cold so I've looked after him, made him ginger tea and nourishing meals.

DH takes over everything, and he'll regularly pop up and ask if I need anything, like any decent human being would do.

We've all recently had a sickness bug. H took over completely when I was incapacitated and vice versa. With this illness, we were all ill within 24 hrs of each other. We both took turns sleeping and having the kids. Both did laundry duty, the minimal cooking needed, bedtimes, nappy changes etc. If anything, this time around he dis way more than I was able to.

There are times when we've not always been able to help the other as much as we'd like due to work or other commitments. But, we always try

This... Was coming to say this and you beat me to it. Obviously they are very munmy... Because that's who they get... You are the person who wakes up with them as he naps etc etc etc.

When I am unwell my DH takes over everything/most things. Similarly if I'm busy at work he takes over most things (and vice versa). What you have doesn't sound much like a partnership

Kind and caring behaviour is literally the very least you should be able to expect from a partner, otherwise what is actually the point of them? Most people I've ever worked with have been nicer to me if I had even a headache, than your partner is being to you

That's not kind of him!

My husband takes care of me when I'm unwell and I take care of him, it's never been an issue. Maybe even I get too into caring for him and he probably wishes I would leave him alone 😂.

Have you spoken to him about this?

Some men are better than others but your DH sounds like a total selfish lazy pathetic jerk. You deserve better than that OP but I think you know it already.

Even if I just have a headache DP will tell me to go and get in bed so he can deal with the kids. He texts asking if I want a cup of tea/food, he'll do all the household stuff and leave me to nap or watch TV.
I do the same for him because it's just a normal, nice thing to do in a relationship when the other is feeling crappy.

I'd be really upset if I was treated that way.