To ask how your partner helps if you’re unwell?

My DH will do everything for me, he'll pack me off to bed and periodically bring me drinks and food up if I need them.

Your dp is an absolute dick!

I don't have children but my husband does everything for me and our dogs when I'm not well. He makes sure I've got everything I need/want and I'm comfortable, and leaves me in peace to rest.

Your husband sounds lousy.

DH just does - all the time to be honest. We just work together on stuff.

But if I'm ill, he absolutely takes over and just cracks on with everything.

I've not long since had surgery and couldn't walk for weeks afterwards and he just got on with it, let me do what I felt I could and never once moaned about what he was doing. He just made it work until I was able to walk again, all the while making sure I had drinks etc even though I told him I'd manage. He was lovely and I really struggled feeling so useless at that point.

Exactly this. He’s finding it highly inconvenient. Can’t get the staff ey?

This is just so upsetting to read OP.
Any normal person would try and help someone who is feeling ill and especially if the ill person was caring for small children. And here you are talking about someone who married you, who you are supposed to be in a loving and supportive relationship with and he is doing nothing to help you. And is not taking over the responsibility for his children while you are ill.
What selfish uncaring behaviour. Does he have no understanding of what loving and caring means?
I hope you are feeling better soon OP. If I were you his lack of care whilst you are ill would make me really rethink the future.

You are 💯not expecting too much. That is just an awful way to be treated when ill. I would just not leave the bed tomorrow. What would happen to him and kids if you werewolf incapacitated in a hospital what would he do. Can’t believe he slept on and you got up. That is just taking the piss. He can’t have much respect for you if he did that. 🥲

He a lazy, selfish bastard and does not care about you. I'm sorry, I hope you get well soon.

He gets up and cooks breakfast for DC. He does all the laundry and bed making. He loads and unloads the dishwasher and puts the dishes away. He cooks meals. He brings me tea in bed. He vacuums. He cleans the kitchen. He drives DC with SN's to college and collects him.

@Italianita

Finances and children. Hopefully one day I'll be in a position to get out.

My DP takes great care of me, cleans, cooks, brings me whatever I need, watches movies with me, shops etc. He's amazing. I do same if he's unwell although he does most of the domestic stuff and wants to. Ex DH was as you've described, a self centred asshole.

OP, quite a lot of posts on here from people whose partners are particularly excellent at helping when they are ill.

I think if you carried out a survey across the UK, there would be a lot more variety and more of sliding scale, as some people (male and female) are better at coping with others' illness than others.

My daughter's dad (my ex) is actually an excellent father and generally did a lot around the house, but was utterly shitty when I was ill - I think it stressed him out for some reason, especially when dd was little - almost like I was doing it deliberately to piss him off.

I got ill at my mom's house recently and actually she reacted quite badly too and it reminded me of him! I think germs stress some people. She is otherwise lovely and an amazing mom.

I had another ex who was just pretty indifferent, and wouldn't have gone out of his way to do all the lovely things some of the posters here say their partners do, though he wasn't an all round evil human being who hated me. Just quite thoughtless at times.

My current partner is actually at his best when I am ill I think. He nursed me through a very serious illness a couple of years ago and was amazing. I think he should retrain as a nurse and have told him so.... He is by no means perfect in other ways, but certainly rises to the occasion when I am poorly.

I would say your partner does sound exceptionally bad around illness, OP. But to draw conclusions about whether or not the relationship is worth pursuing, you do need to look at his behaviour towards you and the kids in totality, if that makes sense?

Either way, I would try to talk to him about this seriously. He certainly needs to attempt to make more of an effort.

Look after yourself - I hope you feel better soon .

He takes over everything and checks in and brings drinks, snack etc. Anyone who doesn’t take care of their sick wife/husband is proper shit imo

@Italianita cooking / making breakfast/ lunch/ dinner/ tea / providing snacks is mum's job. 🤦🏻‍♀️

DH cooks rarely.

I’ve been ill all week after being taken to A&E by colleagues. DH took the afternoon off work to keep me company in A&E and I’ve been bed bound at home since. He’s done everything for me, our kids, the home, and I’ve been able to rest properly.

It would never occur to me that I wouldn’t be looked after when I’m ill. Likewise, I do the same for him when he’s poorly. And when it’s one or both of the kids then we share the care and the time off work.

OP, it’s really sad that your DH doesn’t care for you when you are ill. It’s not too much to expect - it’s just normal, really.

Posted on another thread

I have been down with flu for 3 days now. Been in bed all day. But I made chicken pasta for 3 year old DS for tea because cooking is "mum's job"

He's also in middle of potty training and I had to clean his poo stuffed pants as he "forgot" to say. I was feeling mad at DS but can't be mad as he's still learning so I transferred madness on to DH for not coming sooner to rescue cleaning!!! DS saw me getting upset and snotty while cleaning and in the most loving way said "I love you mummy". 💕

DH offered to make tea later or order something for me as he was feeling guilty probably.

Apart from that DH has been hands on with DS today, took him for football, played trains.

ExDP was like that . When I was diagnosed with a chronic illness, he refused to read the hospital letter about it.

I eventually realized he was a narcissistic abuser and left him.

Well hopefully he'll catch it from you and you can treat him exactly the same way he has treated you. Hope you feel better soon

He would ignore me.

I'm sorry that you're feeling so unwell and hope you start to feel back to yourself soon.
I suffer pretty badly with gallstones and get flare ups every so often, DH just takes over completely as I get so sick I can't get out of bed. He'll sort kids and dinners etc, the house will kind of fall apart but I get over that knowing I don't have to worry about and take care of kids when I'm ill. He'll bring me water, painkillers, will check in on me too so really does take care of me.

Mine usually takes our child to my in laws house and offers to go to the corner shop to buy lucozade or something before he leaves me to it for the day. The house usually goes to pot a bit and we've had a row in the past about him leaving me the washing up to do when I'm ill and things but he does always completely take over the childcare which is the main thing I suppose.

If it's a school day I have a mum friend I can ask to walk my son up the road to school and back, and I do the same for her. So he doesn't need to take a day off work but he would if I asked.

there was a woman on TikTok secretly filming when she told her boyfriend that she's feeling ill, need to rest and he should take care of her.
Boyfried immediately stated that he has the same thing and how is he supposed to take care of her if he is ill himself???

I really hope she dumped his arse.