Is DD babyish? What can your DD9 do?

My dd is 9 this year. She is fine with all the children in her year as they seem to be on a similar level to her (year 3). Happy to play with toys, lego, park etc. mine loves imaginary play and role play still- she is a super imaginative child. She’d probably love your dd.

mine had a child in year 4 to sleep over the other week who is a year older than her and they were not on the same wavelength at all. The older girl brought about 7 bottle of various skin care and spent all her time on her phone watching you tube, putting things on her face and calling/whatsapping her friends. They didn’t play a single thing and when I sent them to the park they returned after 10 mins.

I think children are growing up way too fast. Playing and going to the park should be normal for 9 year olds not skin care and make up. But maybe work with your dd on her resilience if she cries easily

I honestly don’t think there’s anything wrong with your daughter at all. I feel sad for her friends who are growing up so fast (too fast imo. Fucking skincare regimes at 9 ffs) and for her, because she’s got no one to play with her on that level.

My daughter is 16 now but she still played with her sylvanian families and loved her soft toys right up til year 6. She was lucky that her 2 best friends also loved this stuff too. None of these girls were what I would consider immature. They’d go to the park together, climb trees, run around and stuff. Nothing wrong with any of that.

My son is sensitive, cries easily, he always has been that way. He does have SEN but I think it’s his personality and I was the same. But we’re both very empathic towards others and that is a good quality to have. That said, maybe you need coping mechanisms to work on that with your daughter as she probably doesn’t like getting tearful and upset easily.

Your dd sounds perfectly fine.
Wearing make up and having a skin care routine at 9!!!!!! Wow awful, totally trashy.

I’m not sure ‘baby-ish’ is the right word, but it’s possibly worth digging a little deeper about the concerns the school have. I’d probably also be trying to increase her independence and resilience.

I would say my 9 year old sounds quite grown up in comparison. However, she still does engage in imaginary play with her sisters and close friends. In comparison though, she is training at a high level for 2 sports and takes a good level of responsibility for herself. This includes things like setting alarms, getting herself completely ready, packing her school lunches and food for sports, ensuring she has all her belongings, and completing any schoolwork that needs doing. She can also prepare simple meals and competently does some household chores without prompting. She rides her bike to and from school with her older sister without issue. Most of her friends are very like minded and it would be quite unusual for any of them to cry at school. She is really thriving at the moment and it’s amazing to see her mature and have a blast with her friends and sports. Our relationship is definitely changing and I no longer feel like the parent of a little kid anymore.

On the flip side, we don’t allow social media at 9, so she is ‘behind’ some of her friends in this area. My DD would happily still go to a park, provided there was age appropriate equipment! She still likes plenty of ‘kid’ stuff like slime, arts, and creative outlets etc. Her interests aren’t ’grown up’ but she has a lot of skills and resilience.

A few years ago it made me so sad when in class we were talking about Christmas and what the children wanted to ask Santa for, all the girls were saying iPhone, iPad, make up etc and one of the girls said dolls and they all sniggered. This was Year 1 they were FIVE.

This was a one off year group in that respect but it was all influenced by one or two girls who were treated like mini teens at home and sadly the other girls mainly followed them (because they'd laugh at them being babyish).

Please don't start encouraging her to pursue more 'mature interests', tell her to try to find new friends instead.

As for the crying plenty of 9 year olds still cry at school trust me, especially with friendship fallings out etc. Maybe talk to her about what's making her cry at school and think of ways she could deal with things differently.

I wish more children were like this, just allowed to stay children.

One of my granddaughters is 9. I wouldn't want her to have "more mature interests".

My bestie growing up still played with dolls until she was 11.
My dd9 (only child, year 4) likes to play schools with her soft toys, fashion shows with her barbies etc. lots of make believe and dressing up with friends. She loves making/playing with slime, drawing and crafts and loves watching Operation Ouch on cbeebies, playing a bit of roblox on her ipad.
Lots of her friends still play with toys and dolls I would say. Quite a few of her friends are "shy" whereas she is quite confident, and she has one who is always crying over something or other (at parties, playdates etc. I think it is improving though but she's quite a sensitive girl)
She's not super independent but can shower herself including a hair wash (but she prefers a bath with me sitting and playing), pour herself a drink, get a snack, put clothes in dirty laundry and dirty plates by the sink.
This term in year 5 her school let them walk to school unaccompanied so we are looking forward to that freedom (for her) and her independence growing. No rush though.

DC now 10.5 but pretty independent for his age. Gets himself up and to and from school every day. Gets the train to a hobby once a week (I meet him there after work). Cooks simple meals for himself (air fryer mostly).

When my kids have wondered if things are 'babyish' I've sometimes told them that I think the kids acting most 'grown up' can actually be less mature than them because they are so hung up on seeming more grown up, and the mature kids are those comfortable enough to follow the interests they want to regardless of whether it's seen as cool.

You say she Can make her bed.... quick question is she expected to or do you normally do it? I ask (mum of 4 girls) as it's important that small chores like this are undertaken by them at this age so they learn some responsibility for themselves. Things like hanging out simple washing or folding it from the tumble dryer, helping put bins out or bring them in or sort recycling. I used to love washing the car at this age so did my girls.

We need to build in self sufficiency into them at this age so they understand that to have nice things we ALL pull together in the house

Believe me in a blink of an eye she will be heading towards 30 and you will wonder where the time has gone.
Give her a big hug she sounds a lovely girl

What’s the rush to grow up? Let her be herself. In nature it’s often the stupidest species that reach maturity first.

I think (at risk of sounding ancient) we've lost sight of what 9 year olds used to be like and there's now a rush for children to grow up way too fast, and social media is to blame.

My 10 year old loves to play still, loves imaginary games and playing with her toys and crafting. She adores Guides and going on guide camp. She has a phone with no SIM that only gets used for Duolingo, audible and playing Solitaire. She's never used TikTok or any other social media. Sometimes if she's feeling a bit low she'll watch Bluey for a bit of comfort.

She also cooks, makes drinks, cleans, showers, does her own skincare routine (just face soap, moisturiser and daily face sunscreen!). She takes responsibility for her own learning too.

She left school this year to start home ed, but her classmates were obsessed with social media. There was an incident at school where a boy took a picture of DD, added a horrible caption and shared it with dozens of people on Snapchat - how does a 9 year old have dozens of Snapchat contacts anyway?! They're all on TikTok and WhatsApp and it's caused no end of dramas, there were constant messages coming home from the teacher about conflicts in the various WhatsApp groups. DD was relieved to not be involved in any of it (we didn't tell her about the Snapchat incident; we were informed by the head).

I think you can encourage maturity (learning skills and independence) without forcing them to grow up too fast (social media and all the trends and rubbish they're learning on there).

My 10 year old loves dolls and miniature stuff. She collects China dolls and makes clothes for them. This morning her and her siblings played in the sand pit for ages.

But she has a key to the house and leaves after us and walks to school. She cooks pasta and makes me a cup of tea. She will mind her 5 year old sibling (in the house). So it's not that she's immature, she's a child but she also has skills. Being mature isn't wearing make up..

I agree with getting her off tiktok and YouTube, nothing good to be found there.

Personally I think it’s sad how grown up children are acting today. When I was 10/11/12 I remember playing with barbies, playing imaginary games and singing with my friends. The only make up any of us had was either fake or really sparkly, not a face full like children today wear.

Even the clothes, crop tops and shorts or grown up dresses none of us used to wear these at that age!

I am only early 30’s but times have changed so much.

Yes, she will be 'babyish' by some kids' standards but I don't think one can force it. She's into what she's into. In terms of responsibilities she takes those sound fine, although maybe she could start cooking, as DD did at a similar age.

Sounds like my nearly-9-year-old. She plays toys with her younger brother, many if her friends are in the year below and she watches TV for younger kids. It's what she likes. I'm not going to change that until she is ready - her playing will evolve, she'll catch up, and until then I'll try teaching her more independence in terms of self care (she can't manage washing her hair properly yet), learning to cook (she's tiny so it's tricky at the stove) - i think that's much more worthwhile than makeup and ticktock

I don’t think it had to be either or.

Mine still plays with toys and has some babyish tendencies and interests, but she also walks home from school alone, can cook a 3 course meal, use the washing machine etc.

Skincare I don’t see a problem with, I think it’s good to look after your skin from a young age! She also wears a bit of mascara on a weekend because it makes her feel grown up.

She sounds just like my 9 year old DD.
She showers by herself and will wash her own hair with me checking on the progress.
She makes her own squash drinks and breakfast.
She loves to play with baby dolls still, although she is becoming aware that her friends don’t so if they come to play she tends to put them away and take the doll pram to my room, they all seem to play with Designer Friend fashion type dolls.
She has a Switch and plays Mario Kart or Animal Crossing, She is not allowed to mindlessly watch YouTube and doesn’t have social media access.
My DD can also cry easily in class, so we are working on resilience. She can give up a little too easily but we are working on this.
She also goes to Brownies and likes the park. She is also not very athletic and can be reluctant to ride her bike, we spent half term encouraging her to independently ride round the block. She has a competitive streak that can be motivated with something like getting round 3 times before I’ve hung the washing out or setting a timer etc.

Basically, she is a child and is just fine. We could both probably encourage new independence in our DD’s while
not making them more grown up.

My DSD is 9 and plays with Lego, cuddly toys, lots of imaginative play, art and craft, jewellery making, etc. She does have a Roblox account but we are very very minimal screens so you’re talking maybe an hour a week at most. She also goes swimming, to a dance class and plays a sport.

Anyone with a nine year old on social media needs social services involvement in my opinion. Horrific lack of judgement and against the law. I know that’s not realistic, I’m a teacher, but the social, concentration, academic, friendship and sleep issues that arise from this is insane.

Your DD sounds lovely and perfectly age appropriate to me - maybe a bit of resilience work needing done around the crying.

My daughter is a month younger but we delayed her entry at school so she hasn't encountered these issues yet and is the oldest in the class. She still plays and has no social media. Neither does my 10 year old niece. No social media that I know of in the class either. Can you encourage her friendships with slightly younger / less social media focused children eg. at brownies. See if your school is signed up to Smartphone free childhood or if you can sign up for your school. It's getting quite big now. The only thing I would be worried about is the crying and I'd be looking into resources to help with emotional intelligence/literacy. There is a Big Life Journal which focuses on resilience which you can complete together and my 9 year old loves.

Oh an on emotional regulation it’s a bit context specific. As an adult in a toxic environment we are more disregulated and stressed. If she’s becoming a square peg in a round hole and even as her mother you are questioning whether her normal interests are babyish I can see it might be unsettling. Nothing overindulged about it.

She’s nine. She’s totally normal.

She may have moved on from her friends so I’d encourage her to play with other children who are more likeminded.

Primary school children on TikTok wearing make up and skin care is far weirder to me than going to brownies and playing with toys. I’m very confused about posters encouraging mature interests including… taking the bins out and “cooking” a meal of pasta and with jarred sauce.

She sounds a bit like my dd 9
mine doesn’t really do toys anymore but loves her iPad and Nintendo and animals and she will still do playground with swings and stuff. She is really artistic too will spend hours on that.
everything else is similar although she left brownies said it was boring even though some of her friends still went.

It's the crying all the time you need to sort out. Does she cry when she loses a game? Over indulged children often do and it's really off putting for other children, they don't take long to start leaving sore losers out of games. I know you said she isn't sporty but sports are really helpful in learning resilience, teamwork, rule following and how to lose - all things that will really help your DD make and keep friends.

The only issue i would be concerned about is that she cries often. She may just need help better handling her emotions and freindships. The other stuff sounds normal for her age.