Is DD babyish? What can your DD9 do?

She does have friends at brownies but she clings to my eldest DDs friends when they come round because they're nice to her. Anyone that's nice to her basically.

Bless, I think her interests sound fine but she sounds vulnerable. I mean all children are but some particularly so. If she is clinging to anyone being nice to her, that’s not a great place to be because people with bad intentions can sense that and take advantage. And you don’t want her growing her to be that adult that accepts crumbs in one-sided friendships and relationship.

You mention you’re widowed, was your late husband her father? If so that may explain some of the issues she’s having with crying a lot. I know bereavement /absence of a parent affects children in different ways. That must be tough for all of you having no family around.

I feel so very sad for some of her peers who are up at 5am to do their hair & makeup on a school day.

What age are these children?

The toys/interests thing is not the issue here. Loads of kids this age play with toys etc, the vast majority of parents i know don't allow phones, tiktok, social media etc at this age.

The low resilience/crying all the time at school is.

Id be focussing on:

• "life" independence. Helping cook. Tying up her own hair etc.
• emotional resilience. Giving her tools/techniques to try and not burst into tears over everything as this will irritate peers - it sounds like she is overreacting to every little thing.

The make up thing - its quite normal for them to start being interested in this sort of thing and there are age appropriate ways to allow it. Lots of girls this age love glittery nail polish for parties, or those nivea tinted lip balms. There are things which are more creative, like elaborate hairstyles and fun hair accessories, and i wouldn't judge 9 year olds who enjoyed these things.

Kids no longer play at 9?? What?? So sad 😞

@EsmeSusanOgg same here. My daughter still enjoys spending her evenings painting nails & doing hairstyles. She still has a thing for Barbie, although can't tell any of her friends. I feel so very sad for some of her peers who are up at 5am to do their hair & makeup on a school day. Childhood is gone in a flash. I was still playing with dolls at that age!

I wouldn't be able to get her to or from school as I leave at 730 for work and don't get home till 430. No chance of me affording school buses or wrap around care either unfortunately!

How old is her older sister?

I'm lucky if my 9 year old washes are face! Definitely isn't worrying about skincare and tik tok.
She sounds perfect I'd seriously consider moving schools

This. So very much this. Think the most we did make-up wise pre proper teens was bright nail polish and hair glitter.

She's 9 years old. To me, it's completely normal to be playing with toys at that age. Children grow up way too quickly now. You're an adult a loooong time! I have a 17 year old 14 year old & at 9 years old, both of mine were still playing with toys. They were also very sporty, but very young minded at 9 years old. My 14 year old daughter is still quite young minded which I like- she's in no rush to grow up, doesn't plaster herself in makeup etc, but is very level headed & caring, & my 17 year old is on track to go to Cambridge University.....he was still playing with hot wheels cars at the age of 12/13. Let them be children for as long as they like. Childhood doesn't last long.

Skincare? Makeup?
I think I was still enjoying the odd brush of my barbie’s hair when I was 9.

I’m gobsmacked any parent is daft enough to give them that much money to go in there 🤣

My child’s school showed them on tv a report about children’s skin being burnt or having reactions to adult products as a warning.

If they are bullying her/ excluding her now... If she stays in the school the next couple of years will be awful. Please look at a school move. Allow her to be the lovely child she is.

It sounds like these girls are mean. Nothing wrong with calling you "mummy". It might be better to encourage her to find other friends elsewhere.

I'm not sure about the make up thing. I wouldn't make a big deal about her trying it out - can't you just see it as face paint? I wouldn't expect any girl not to be "allowed" to play with it at home/on a play date. Obviously they wouldn't be wearing it for school but I don't see any harm in seeing it as a face paint type activity.

Long hair is annoying for all sorts of reasons.

I agree. I’d be encouraging a new friendship group or a new school - or area!

She sounds lovely. I don't think it is unusual to cdll your mum mummy at 9. This seems like a peer group/ school issue.

What kind of parents are letting their year 4s on TikTok? Blimey I’m glad my 10 year olds friendship circle and group of parents is nothing like this. It sounds awful and I hope your child makes new friends in year 7.
I know a couple of them heard about the skincare trend but it hasn’t really caught on because most of us are sensible and don’t actually let them buy overpriced stuff they don’t need. Why do these children even have phones to access TikTok?! This is so odd.

OP, your daughter is crying because she is being bullied. She is going digitally excluded. What on earth are the school doing about this!?

I would try to remove her from this peer group even if it means a school move. If they're like this at 9, imagine what they'll be like in a couple of years. I don't think this is the norm generally (at least I hope it's not), but there are parents who encourage/allow their children to "put childish things" away too early. It's a real error in terms of their development - children thrive on lots of physical and imaginative play. Not to mention exposing them to lots of superficial and hyper-competitive content regardless of its effect on mental health. I wouldn't want my kid around this but of course your DD will want to fit in with her peers.

She is 9. I think the issue is friends and her having access to social media (TikTok is not appropriate for kids!). Does she have friends outside school?

@purplerobot she sounds like such a lovely girl for her age. Just perfectly behaved and age appropriate. Please don't let her get into make up, skincare, tik tok etc. she will find her friends sooner and later and they will be like minded girls.

Fine playing with toys etc but she shouldn’t be crying all the time.

This sounds horrific! Are there other children your dd would hang out with?

More mature interests for a 9 year old?! 😆 do you remember being 9? I was still playing with Barbie dolls at 9 - as were all of my friends.