Is DD babyish? What can your DD9 do?

Your daughter sounds like a lovely 9 year old - please don't rush her to grow up! I watched a video on tiktok this week of a woman planning a 'Bluey' themed party for her 9 year old which I thought was lovely 💕

My kids are teenagers now but at 9 they were still playing with dolls and role playing a lot. Some of their friends thought they were too 'old' to do that, but most of them LOVED coming round our house to play.

My eldest had very thin hair so was washing her own hair at 9, my youngest has very thick hair so I was washing it for her, maybe not every wash but certainly every other to guarantee it actually had the shampoo washed out! When your daughter is ready for the next step she will either learn to wash it herself or asked for it to be cut - again, no need to rush this - nobody else needs to know how she washes her hair 😂

My kids are very independent and I wouldn't describe either of them as babyish. :)

OP she sounds like a normal child. Don't overthink it. Her interests are fine and playing is healthy for children.

When it comes to independence just let her do what she's able to do by herself. Like tidying up after herself, putting away her clothes, getting things ready for school etc.

My 12 year old still plays with toys!! Barbies and sylvanian families. I get that she’s the older end of the spectrum but at 9, it’s absolutely normal.

My dd (9) has a sift toy she takes in her bag to school. She sleeps with it. She plays imaginary games with toys and role play games with her friends. She reads warrior cats and likes Minecraft. She reads and writes stories about animals. She makes petitions about saving wildlife.

The only thing my dd can do that yours doesn’t is wash her own hair. Also bum length. But my other dd couldn’t at 9. She can make a sandwich, toast etc and bake a cake with supervision. She packs her own school bag but needs reminders. She’s in no way behind her peers.

My 10yo has started to become more independent (chores, making sandwiches etc), things that she could have done but claimed she was incapable of. But I like that she still likes to play with toys sometimes, and her 13yo brother also likes to join in when he thinks people won't find out about it. I remember at that tween age, how you're on the cusp and want to be adult but feel guilty about kid things. From what I've seen of my DD over the last year, she's matured in a lot of ways but she wants to cling on to childhood for a bit (though she is experimenting with make up etc). My kids like YouTube but they're very against SM thankfully

Yes helping around the house 100%. How is baking helping with chores. You didn’t have cutting the grass or helping with DIY did you… you went straight for baking as something that gives a little girl self esteem.
this is called everyday sexism and it should always be pointed out so people can learn that opinion is not ok.

This is interesting to know thank you

@Cayla3 or perhaps they have developed better emotional regulation?

Your daughter sounds like a normal nine year old. My kids LOVED their toys until 11+. What a wonderful childhood.

Honestly, I think the problem lies solely with the mean "friends". Crying about it also feels normal and some kids are sensitive and some for good reason! I guess you'll have to spend time with her improving her self - esteem and remember how hard it is at that age when the more 'grown-up' kids liked to lord over the supposedly 'babyish' ones...(yet as an adult how often can we see that those kids are emotionally neglected / left to their own devices by uninterested parents). Or maybe they're the third+ child who acts more grown-up because of her siblings (and is emotionally on the same level as your daughter but has been exposed to more). It's so tough. I think she needs help to let those girls go and find other friends. Good luck!

Wow, I know it isn't always possible but I would seriously consider moving my dd if all this was already happening at 9 and there weren't other serious friendship options. Sounds like a very unfortunate peer group to me.

What a depressing thread, all about tik tok, videos and having a smartphone, it's really sad.

I know I'll get shouted at but do consider that your DD may be neurodiverse. This is the age when ASD becomes more obvious in girls. The desire for role play and the others seeing her as babyish, along with being so emotive about things would be markers for me. It's a time when they way we have friendships changes and ASD is often delayed in that type of social skill change.

Do have a word with the school's DSL about the videos though. My feeling is that they are underage and certainly shouldn't be doing such things in school uniform. It's seriously dangerous and also parental neglect. Don't feel you're a bad parent for not letting your child do something dangerous and possibly illegal.

There's a big difference between babying a child and letting them be their age. This poor girl is seeing others that are being pushed to be too old too soon

My two dds are similar ages and very "young" in behaviour and interests.One is autistic and the other is awaiting assessment but probably is.

They both enjoy role playing, toys and their plushies but have phones and play games on them.

I know a pp mentioned bullying but I think much of that is the dynamics of the friendship group.Kids should be able to be kids, quirks included.One thing I have noticed is that the ones on social media early are usually quite unhappy. I know adults who struggle on social media so I think it's not great for young people.

She sounds perfectly normal to me. Whilst there is absolutely nothing wrong with encouraging skincare from an early age, it just needs to be basic - all these tik toks with hundreds of products are just batshit for young girls and they will end up clogging their skin. Very soon she will be all over the make up and boys/girls and innocence will be lost in a cloud of smoke. Leave her be, she will catch up when she's ready.

So hard to pigeonhole at that age. My DD is 16 but she started drifting from her her year 6/7 schoolfriends when they became keen on make up, pouting on Insta, current music etc. She went to secondary happy and secure with a bunch of friends, and by Christmas they had all moved on and found different friendship groups (calling DD immature to her face and being unkind).

She was always confident and popular and had never experienced this. Luckily she made more friends and moved on - but mean girls can be really mean!

My DD is sporty and active, but not interested in make up and fashion so she doesn't fit with the alpha girls group. No problem - she is fine in her own skin, and has her own friends. Some girls called her immature because of her lack of interest in clothes and dying her skin orange - but each to their own.

But I don't think she was playing with kids toys at 9, and she was always part of the main social groups at primary school. They scooted in the park after school and did gymnastics, and went round each others house and did silly videos of themselves dancing etc. She also did scouts and drama club and various social activities, where she was always welcomed. I think your DD does sound a bit young, but it's so hard to tell really. Secondary school is what sorts things out! Make sure she wears the right clothes, has an OK rucksack and a smartphone (although my two have PAYG and no data.....😁)

It was so much easier when we were kids......:-)

What do YOU want your DD to be interested in? Makeup and TikTok or genuine hobbies and interests and sports?

I’m very open with my 8 year old that she won’t be wasting her childhood on screen time, gaming and social media, I don’t care what her friends are up to.

Why is she crying all the time? Yur Jo into her er build resilience!

There is such as massive mismatch between children in Year 1. Some are unable to get their book bag out of their bag or get changed for PE whilst others can get changed super quickly and organise themselves and others around them. If a child has everything done for them at home, they find it very hard when they come into an environment where they are one of 30 and they have to do things for themselves. A child whose parents have given them the tools and skills to have a degree of independence have given them a big advantage.

Hi,

From safeguarding perspective what the girls are doing at the age of 9 (Snapchat, tik tok) they will regret later on in life (possibly their parents too). I think it is hard nowadays to balance out what is right in terms of social media. I really feel for you and your daughter.

If you have a chance speak with a safeguarding lead or someone from school that interacts with your daughter more (to sense the crux of the matter, how they view it).
Would it be possibly to add a other hobby to the mix to widen the peer group? I appreciate it isnnot overnight fix but may work.

Good lord who let you be a Year 1 teacher with that attitude. Of course some 5/6 year olds are still going to need more help with self care and organisation, that’s not ‘babying’ them. What a strange attitude to have.

Another vote for this! It sounds like your DD is a very normal 9 year old.

Stop babying her! I am a Year 1 teacher and I see such a massive difference in confidence and attainment between children who are encouraged to be independent and those whose parents dress them and organise their belongings for them and generally baby them. I am sure that this has a long term impact - children who are confident and can organise themselves have higher self esteem than those who wait for everything to be done for them. I am sure that this has mental health impacts too. You are doing your child such a disservice by babying her!

THIS!
She's 9!
It's the ones letting them grow up too quick that are the problem.
Children should be children FFS

Help her find other friends. My 9 year old is going through similar with a girl in her year. They started out as friends but long story short my daughter caught her out in a lie.
kids should be allowed to be kids at that age, if they want to play with toys let them.
yes she will be upset about the sleepover. Is there another friend or even a child of someone you know you could arrange a special day out with?

Particularly hard at a village school, assuming it's a small one.

Get her off TikTok.