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Original poster

School prize giving

34 replies

Badassnameforadojo · 08/06/2024 11:55

I’m not sure if I’m being unreasonable to be angry here, and don’t know what to say to the school.

My son is in first year in high school and has had a really tough year at school with bullying and being attacked. It didn’t stop until the police were involved. So, it really hasn’t been a good year. Despite that, he has had excellent results. He was the only kid in the whole year group to get 100% on the end of year maths test and again on the science test. He’s done so well all year.

During the whole bullying thing, which went on for several months, his head of year has been calling me a lot and always about another incident. A month ago he called and said he just wanted to make a call with some good news and to let me know that the whole year wasn’t bad because my son had earned some prizes in the end of year awards. He said he didn’t want to tell me what prizes he has, but the teacher’s for all subjects had submitted the names and he had checked the list and wanted me to know, to just have a nice phone call. Normally you wouldn’t be told until the letter go out to parent’s if their kids need to attend the assembly.

Well, the letters went out yesterday and he didn’t get one. I called the school as soon as he got him and told me, but his head of year had left already. The office lady was lovely and checked though the file with all the letters and he definitely wasn’t on the list so no prize.

I would never have called up to complain about the lack of prize normally; either you earn it or you don’t. You don’t call up and complain! But… his teacher used this as a cheer up method, to say well done etc. But he hasn’t been given anything so it’s like it’s been taken away.

They don’t advertise the prize giving. Kids only know if they get a letter about it, otherwise it isn’t talked about. My son probably wouldn’t have even noticed. It’s the fact that he was specifically told early, so was waiting for his letter and then… nothing.

I dont know what to say to his teacher. The letters have gone out so there isn’t a prize leftover for him, they can’t take it away from another kid and I can’t demand a made-up prize for him. But I’m so angry they’ve done this to an autistic kid who has been beaten up and bullied all year but still go 100% in every class test I’m every subject. His animation project in computing was the only one posted on Twitter because it was incredible and his computing teacher went on and on about how intricate and well done it was, especially for a first year. I just don’t understand and I’m so angry, and my son is so upset and feels let down again.

OP posts:
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Smartiepants79 · 10/06/2024 13:30

It’s good that they have upheld what he was promised. Good for him!

Original poster
Badassnameforadojo · 10/06/2024 12:34

@ButWhatAboutTheBees
It was the week he had been beaten up, yet again, but quite badly and missed some school and had to give a statement to the police. It was a very difficult week. Any other time, I probably wouldn’t have told him but given how down he was that week, and how he didn’t want to go back to school and felt like it was all going wrong… it was one nice to tell him. But yes, in hindsight I shouldn’t have just in case.

Anyway, he is getting 4 awards so it’s all
worked out.

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murasaki · 10/06/2024 12:34

I suspect that is panicked back pedalling, but good that he has his prizes for his hard work.

And at least they called, I thought you'd have to chase it up.

Original poster
Badassnameforadojo · 10/06/2024 12:31

So, he called me this morning. My son earned the prize for 4 of his subjects (and it was the subjects I expected). But you only get invited to the prize giving if you have got 5 or more prizes and they like to keep it small, it used to be 3 or more but changed this year and the HoY didn’t know they were changing it. My son will just be sent home with his during the week rather than getting them at the prize giving.

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ButWhatAboutTheBees · 09/06/2024 14:11

Sounds like a mix up where your son was nominated but wasn't selected at the HOY jumped the gun because they felt bad about all the terrible calls they've had to make

I'm sure they could give the awards to more than one person in special cases. You were right to email in for a clarification

Perhaps, in the future, don't tell your son. You would have spoiled the surprise from the letter.

PenguinLord · 09/06/2024 13:54

Something similar happened, but I was a teacher in this case. I put some names down for awards, didnt tell the kids very luckily, but the names were on a spreadsheet. Then it turned out they changed their mind and to save money they gave awards to 1 not two names from column, so half the kids we nominated got nothing. They didnt know, but I was really annoyed as I think they all deserved awards and we were told there would be two per cathegory, and there were only one. Maybe this has happened here?

Original poster
Badassnameforadojo · 08/06/2024 17:05

@BlueParrotRedParrot

It was would an odd way to do it though. They hand out all the letters for parents so they know the day and time of the prize giving to attend. It would be odd to leave some until Monday as that’s cutting it quite tight for giving parents notice of the event.

I think I’m resigned to the facet that the HoY made a mistake and he isn’t on the list. Just need to try and accept his explanation and make clear how out of line this whole thing was.

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TheBossOfMe · 08/06/2024 15:57

Good luck for Monday - keeping my fingers crossed for your son that this is just a mix up and he’s getting his prize.

BlueParrotRedParrot · 08/06/2024 15:49

That’s awful @Badassnameforadojo . However, is there any chance that, because of his excellent all round results, he’s getting some sort of over-arching, special/best student prize (as opposed to a subject specific one) and that they simply haven’t sent out a letter about it because they have told you by phone (or maybe a letter will come out next week)? I hope this is the case, but even if it is, upsetting your son and you in the meantime after the year you have had is utterly thoughtless.

elliejjtiny · 08/06/2024 15:49

I'm so sorry. I have children with autism and they would have reacted the same

TheTrainNowDeparting · 08/06/2024 15:44

This must be so upsetting for you and your son. If indeed he is not getting a prize, it is not acceptable behaviour from the school, and you did the right thing by emailing. I understand you don't want to ask for a made up prize for him, but reading your post, it is clear the HoY was talking about prizes - plural - and there are other examples of your son's great work and behaviour. At my school - and at my children's - there were individual subject prizes, but also prizes for outstanding overall achievement, where a student had performed well across multiple subjects. Such a prize doesn't mean anyone else has to give one up, plus it can acknowledge the strength, resilience and character your son has demonstrated over the year, as well as his academic achievements. (Any possibility this may be the case and it's a communication failure?)

You say: It made a huge difference to my son. He felt worthless at school, and as stupid as it sounds, being told he and earned something felt like a step in the right direction for him. He was really pleased with himself given how many days he didn’t want to face school and went in anyway and worked so hard

It is so important the school really understands this, and sees that how they deal with this will significantly affect how your son feels about school in the future.

All the best for Monday.

Original poster
Badassnameforadojo · 08/06/2024 15:43

FawnFrenchieMum · 08/06/2024 15:21

How awful, your poor DS. My ASD son would have taken this very badly. He would have tried hard not to be upset but it really would have bothered him. You do right to follow it up for sure. Hopefully they can make it right somehow.

Mine was the same. He was trying so hard last night to be fine about it, but when I got off the phone to the office and said they had checked the list, his face really fell. I think he was hoping it was just a mistake.

He just can’t process someone saying one thing and then not following through on it. And it’s much worse when it’s something like a reward or whatever. He was a bit crushed, and trying to act nonchalant about it. I didn’t go on about it; he told me when he got home from school and then I told him his it was maybe a mistake by his HoY. We had a wee chat about his report card and how well he has done, and how this makes no difference to anything and then left it alone. I won’t mention it again to him. Hopefully he doesn’t let it bother him later.

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Dearover · 08/06/2024 15:40

Totally understand your frustration. If the HoY told your son, he needs to sort this somehow.

AyrshireTryer · 08/06/2024 15:38

Just ask the question.

FawnFrenchieMum · 08/06/2024 15:21

How awful, your poor DS. My ASD son would have taken this very badly. He would have tried hard not to be upset but it really would have bothered him. You do right to follow it up for sure. Hopefully they can make it right somehow.

IdaPolly · 08/06/2024 15:15

Badassnameforadojo · 08/06/2024 15:10

I’ve sent an email asking what happened to the HoY. And the office lady who answered the phone yesterday couldn’t have been kinder and she said that she’ll track him down on Monday morning and call me back herself to let me know what she finds out.

I’m just preparing myself with how to response as I don’t want to get angry on the phone and look unhinged. But I don’t want this swept aside as a mistake because it seems so unfair.

You were right to email. I assume you mentioned in the email him phoning and saying your son had won some prizes? How annoying. You'd probably have mentioned his call to your son too.

DelythBeautyQueen · 08/06/2024 15:11

Something must have gone wrong.

You were not unreasonable to expect your son get a prize, even without the Head of Year's call.

Maybe someone has overruled the original decision for some reason.

It must be very disappointing for your son, but from what you have told us, he is very clever and academically able. In the long term, that is far more valuable than a school prize.

I'd still want to know what the Head of Year has to say about it though.

Original poster
Badassnameforadojo · 08/06/2024 15:10

I’ve sent an email asking what happened to the HoY. And the office lady who answered the phone yesterday couldn’t have been kinder and she said that she’ll track him down on Monday morning and call me back herself to let me know what she finds out.

I’m just preparing myself with how to response as I don’t want to get angry on the phone and look unhinged. But I don’t want this swept aside as a mistake because it seems so unfair.

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murasaki · 08/06/2024 14:59

Your poor boy. I'd definitely be querying this on Monday.

Original poster
Badassnameforadojo · 08/06/2024 14:55

@Dearover

The head of year. He phone specifically to tell me, because he had to phone so often over the bullying so he said he wanted to make a nice phone call. His words were, “The teachers have submitted the names and I’ve checked and (your son) is getting something. I don’t want to ruin the surprise so won’t tell you what, but it’s something good to end the year on after all his hard work.”

I didn’t realise our school had a prize giving as it’s his first year, so we had a chat about that and how lovely it is and then he told me some comments teachers had made, including the librarian because she had gone to the HOY personally as my son had checked out and read the most books this year (that’s not a prize; it was just an extra comment he wanted me to know about).

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PrincessTeaSet · 08/06/2024 14:53

Sounds like a typical school rewarding trouble makers rather than genuine achievement. Phone up on Monday and ask for clarification. It's pretty shitty of them whatever the explanation

Dearover · 08/06/2024 14:51

Did the HoY tell your son or did you?

Original poster
Badassnameforadojo · 08/06/2024 14:46

nupnup · 08/06/2024 14:41

Could your son have had the prize taken away for misbehaving?

If not, I wouldn't go in all guns blazing. Give them a chance to sort it first.

No. I got his report card also yesterday and it’s wonderful. He’s is very much a rule follower, and was particularly commended for his teamwork and supporting the students who have struggled by sitting with them and helping them with the work during lunch and stuff.

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nupnup · 08/06/2024 14:41

Could your son have had the prize taken away for misbehaving?

If not, I wouldn't go in all guns blazing. Give them a chance to sort it first.

Original poster
Badassnameforadojo · 08/06/2024 12:17

Smartiepants79 · 08/06/2024 12:04

And I would never normally say that you complain or expect anything but they’ve really screwed up here.

I try so hard not to complain until it is warranted. It’s better to work with the school rather than complain about how they’re doing it. But I’m just so mad about this. Over a stupid prize! Trying very hard to be rationale but the anger is taking over.

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