Where can a good looking, educated 30 yo woman meet a man in London?

Apparently running clubs are the new dating apps in London!

I'd prefer to focus on the qualities that make someone a good father rather what makes them a good tax payer.
Such as patience, kindness, warmth, humour, family orientated and being active.
How much they earn is way down that list.

Anyone else got the TikTok song in their head...?

"I'm looking for a man in finance. Trust fund. 6'5". Blue Eyes."

sorry OP, I can't help. I married the lad from school because he had a car

I'm completely atheist but love a but of religion. Maybe do an Alpha course, they're interesting even just in the abstract.

Someone who works in trade? You sound like Caroline Bingley 🤣

Seriously though, I do feel for you OP. It's tough out there and I too was loosing hope at your age. I honestly think you just need to keep persevering with the apps. They suck and everyone hates them...but nearly all couples these days met on them. Once you meet the right person it will click.

As well she should. She's looking for someone to be the father of her children.

I would get a dog if you can and like dogs. You can meet people through the dog and if you don't meet anyone you'll have more love than you'll ever need from the dog anyway. I would expand the age range you're looking in, and also don't rule out 'ugly' men. If you don't fancy them immediately, but like them as just funny, nice people, keep seeing them as just friends, see what happens, no pressure.

OK. I'm in London and thinking of the places where there are lots of young people meeting regularly. Running. Lots of groups meet in Battersea park for eg with sections for all abilities.

Or you could get religion (or pretend to) and join somewhere like HTB or All Souls Langham or St Helen's Bishopsgate, which are TEEMING with young posho/wealthy singles. RML is the course you want to do. Is ripe for meeting potential partners. (At least you will guarantee no dick pics!)

It's a long time since I dated and most people then met partners irl. But I do know that being happy, relaxed and open to life's opportunities is the best way to find someone. I was never called "beautiful' except in the throes of passion, but decently attractive enough to attract male attention. If there was a "connection", I followed it to see where it went.

Dating online seems hit and miss in that regard so I can only suggest if you want to persist in it, you just plough on and meet 100s of guys till you get that spark.

In real life, its easier to work out who is attractive to you (and vice versa), who has common interests, who you click with etc. They aren't necessarily the best looking or highest earners. If you restrict yourself to high-earning, tall, handsome, well-educated men, you are narrowing your pool significantly.

My DH runs his own business. He's never earned more than me, even though I've worked part time more than I haven't. I would like his business to bring in more but we have managed. I think it's unreasonable and old-fashioned to expect the male partner to earn more - yes, he needs a decent salary / secure job, but that is all.

I think you’re looking at men like commodities, and your life like a checklist.

First and foremost is a life that you enjoy living. What you’re missing is intimacy - maybe not physical but one that comes with a close personal relationship. That has nothing to do with location and jobs and finances and careers. It can come in many forms, shapes, ways.

Then you say you want to be a mum: I’m afraid this isn’t a given for any woman. True, it happens for many if not most. But none of us can assume we will ever be one. It’s never worked that way and it still doesn’t. You certainly can’t assume you have a legitimate or realistic expectation to motherhood including 12-18 months as a SAHM. I mean, you’re limiting the potential outcomes of your life so drastically, and frankly which man would want to be with a woman who plans such a thing from before she ever met him or got pregnant or gave birth?

You’re 30, and personally I think you need to get your head straight a bit. You’re young, solvent, good looking, nice enough personality - life is for living! Go out there and do the things you enjoy! If you don’t know what those are, go and find them! Along the way, when you’re having fun and feeling happy and contented with your life, is when you will (1) feel your absolute best (2) likely be your most attractive as a consequence. Right now you have tunnel vision for an end goal, when really that end goal is a by-product of a happy life. It isn’t a happy life in and of itself. Marriage and kids is something that happens, along the way if you living your life, not the end goal of life.

I know, but that’s my point- your initial filter is on salary rather than other things that I think should be way higher up the priority list when looking for a partner. From the very beginning you’re disregarding a huge number of people based on something quite superficial.

Also, you do know that a lot of tradesmen earn enormous amounts?!

But I am 5 foot 12

never seen that written down 😆

Couldn't resist (Sorry) :)

My DH and I baffled people when we started going out.

He was 6ft, gym goer with amazing body, basic entry level professional job, decent savings, middle class family RP accent (20 years ago), I was short, fat, bad teeth, mad hair, similar type of job with zero savings and debt with undeniable working class background and south London accent.

We met doing a hobby we had in common and over months we got to know each other and realised how much we got on. His family are wonderful, my family loved him, we just clicked.

‘On paper’ criteria means very little. Having similar values, ambitions, desires etc are what matters.

Do things you like, meet people who like doing the same things, take your time.

I do too. But I am 5 foot 12. I assume most shorter men wouldn't want to date a tall lady either particularly.

OK, from someone who wouldn't have settled, worked in the City (very hard) and has been happily married for nearly 35 years.

Join a political party, choir, church, tennis club, running club, etc.

Join a book club, rotary, volunteer.

Book some sort of group holiday, organised.

Take-up an interest: learn a language, water colours, bridge, cordon-bleu cookery.

Give parties - you have to entertain others to get invitations.

Go to the theatre/cinema/concerts - aline if necessary.

Join the Friends of the V&A

Do all of the above and your life will become interesting and rewarding whether you meet a man or not. If you do, you will have interesting/relevant things to talk about. Someone at one of those activities might invite you to a party and new circle of friends.

London is your oyster - it holds and has so much.

PS: when I met him, DH was on his uppers.

It does sound like a product launch.

If your priority is kids I think you need to think about the type of lifestyle the careers you’re targeting (and yes, that does seem to be what you’re doing) allow. DP is a lawyer. He’s unusual in his industry in that he’s making sacrifices in his career but still he makes it home for bedtime for our toddler less than 50% of the time, which is tough for me. I imagine most finance bros are similar. I absolutely would not be interested in starting a family with a doctor, the hours and unpredictability are awful.

Have you dated any men in your own industry? Do you meet anyone through work?

But I think It is basically apps or friends of friends.

Attend university reunions, alumni events, network through work, join industry groups - anything that gets you meeting a new group of people (or people who have changed/grown since you last met them). Be open to different people.

I met mine at a university reunion - friend of friends - about your age. Just celebrated our 18th anniversary.

Yes - I'm married to one of these men as are many of my friends and most met and married their husbands before the age of 30 so I think the pool will have reduced considerably by then.

I think it’s a bit sad that all of the focus is on “what he brings to the table” and not- is he kind (in general and to me), do I feel at ease around him, do we have lots to talk about, does he make me laugh. Actual personal qualities/sense of connection rather than just earning power. It all sounds so transactional. Why are you so fixated on a potential partner having to earn more than you?

As someone said up thread, high earners can be bad with money and lower earners can be really sensible with their finances.

Go to Bonhams or Sothebys at auction time and look like you need help.

Or alternatively, open your mind to people being people, don't type cast and explore connection before thinking about their compensation.

For what it's worth, this Monday I went on a perfect first date with a man from Tinder. He told me he works in construction. I was fully expecting a brickie, what I got was a perfect Gentleman, well dressed, groomed, smelt amazing, held open all the doors, didn't let me pay for a single thing and we laughed all night long. Turns out he also owns his own very successful business (in construction) and makes a mint.

You would have overlooked a man like him.