Where can a good looking, educated 30 yo woman meet a man in London?

OP has simply said she wants to date a guy who has a job comparable to hers who has “his head screwed on” re finances. Of course she does. That’s why she’s looking a professional men - doctor, banker, blah blah. Why would she not?

I’m looking for a guy in finance, with a trust fund, 6’5, blue eyes!

in all seriousness, it’s so difficult, what is it about these guys you don’t like ?

I hear what you’re saying OP, it is just hard. I agree with the hobbies option - particularly intellectual, culture oriented hobbies as they’re more likely to attract educated professionals.

I’d also give an introduction agency a whirl - why not? A friend of mine did one years ago, she actually met her husband on holiday but she enjoyed the dating just the same.

I didn’t start TTC until 36 and have managed to have three children. Obviously I’m not saying this is the case for everyone but I don’t think you need to be despairing yet.

OTOH I met my husband when I was just over 30, began TTC at 34 when we married, low ovarian reserve and am lucky to have my one child.

Anecdotal tales aren’t particularly helpful here.

It is on MN!

I’m kind of disturbed by how many mumsnetters are demeaning me for having very normal standards for a professional woman

It’s because theirs are much lower, so they think you fancy yourself.

@Rehne

I was not going to post as I agree with 80% of the answers here.

But I have one news for you. Shock horror: The decent blah blah men with a decent income wanting to start a family with someone who can contribute financially, might also be looking for the same or more in terms of finances from their partner. Sorry to break it to you, for London, £70K salary you have is not considered a 'decent salary' for teh pool you are clearly fishing for/in. Try earning £100k-£150K yourself and maybe, just maybe you will meet the man you want.

In other words, give it another 5 years of no success and you will naturally relax and accept the reality that is competitive London dating- it is hard to let go of what you believe you deserve, just yet. Brutal for women as London has more decent women than men and, more women allowing men to use them even as FWB nonsense.

It is a job on its own. I travelled and met a lovely DP who died from Covid. I opened myself to all possibilities, even just to see. What worked was being 100% honest as I knew the longer I stayed single the wealthier I got which was now being a negative too- own million pound house and having choses afforded to a select few, but wanting a 'decent, family oriented person'. SO if you were uncomfortable with my home, you removed yourself. If not wanting a woman who wanted a family, you left. Until I met a guy, for laughs and recall discreetly taking a photo of his classic car when he turned up ( also to send it to my friend for safety but more for a laugh)- just wanted a drive with someone I could see was not weird; but decided that if he was a plonker, I would never see him again. Well, he turned out to be a charming gentleman, with his own house (I needed this to protect mine) and were married in 3 months as we were both 100% honest with each other from teh word go. Let go of preconceived ideas and meet people.

Also, tehre are male golddiggers in London. Also men who will make out they are solvent but are not. Luckily, if you are principled, their lies come crumbling down with 3 weeks to 3 months. So keep your eyes and ears open. I had spider ears to weed them out as I too ran out of time. However, I was always relaxed and perfected the air of can take it or leave it. Saying you want kids one day was a downgrade for me, so men you say that to may wrongly think you don't want kids. That was an appropriate answer 10 years ago, but not anymore as many many women and women no longer want kids, in the UK according to recent survey.

Good luck. Unfortunately you can only learn from your own mistakes re OLD.

Join a CrossFit gym. I go to one in London and there have been multiple couples meet in the gym and go on to get married. You have to be pretty wealthy to afford the extortionate membership fees. You’ve already said you go to the gym regularly- perfect!

Since the Euros are coming up why don't you just go to a pub that's showing an (England) game? Or if you you quickly booked a wee break to Germany then you'd have your pick of jovial football supporters. My friend had been single for ages and her and a friend booked tickets for a Scotland away match despite not having a huge interest in football, they had a great drunken time and both met their future husbands.

Always pull in the Spoons - all sorts go in there

Honestly, 30 is not very old these days. I think you just need to keep plugging away at it, doing all the usual things (apps, events and generally just putting yourself out there). Take breaks for your sanity as and when you need to because that’s important too.

I’ve not read through all the replies but I’ve been in your shoes and I know it can feel like an awful lot of people you meet have red flags (can’t hold down a job for any length of time, serious long-term mental health problems, etc.). To an extent it really is just a numbers game. Mr. Right could potentially show up virtually anywhere. I don’t think there are specific places you need to target beyond what you’re probably already doing.

I didn’t start TTC until 36 and have managed to have three children. Obviously I’m not saying this is the case for everyone but I don’t think you need to be despairing yet.

Somebody’s job and financial situation are not a reflection of their personality. You need to work out what character traits you are looking for - maybe 5 max, go to a paid online dating site- the free one's are full of weirdos and go on a date with anyone who is a 95% match, regardless of their job or looks. You’ll have fun , build confidence and maybe meet someone. There’s a lid for every pot .

And if your 'career is fine but it hasn’t exactly exploded the way I had intended', then why can't you consider a nice, kind man in the same boat?

Cycling/running clubs.

This is a very sobering post.

I think some people are being a bit harsh. OP is just being honest and it is clear that she is not completely rigid, rather she is setting out in essence what she wants. If OP wants children and to live in London money does matter.

If you want children (particularly more than one) in a traditional marriage setting I can see why you are nervous to meet someone soon. Of course you can go it alone with a sperm donor but it is completely understandable if you don't want that, or it be a very last resort.

My son is a year younger than you and FWIW one of his single friends (same age) stayed with us last weekend and we all had a very interesting conversation about dating. The general gist is that neither are fussed as to whether their partner earns a good salary, is in a professional job or highly educated, albeit my son's long-term GF is all of those. Both want children and finding someone who shares that desire is (or was in my son's case) high on the list. Both also said a person who is fun and shares their values is pretty much on a par with a desire to have children. His friend made no secret of the fact that as his preference is to have 3-4 children, he would not consider a person his own age as he would not want to be timed out. He is therefore looking for someone mid 20s.

For me, status is important. If I am honest it is what appealed most about my partner. But it is not about his salary, it's his morals, his work and social ethic and his intellect that give him standing. The latter is what gives me butterflies. We are all different though.

And I forgot to mention the most important thing of all! Which is: don't select your man primarily on the superficial criteria.

The point of all my advice on how to surround yourself with men of the type you want is precisely to give you room to select on what really matters, which is values and fit.

If you were being really pragmatic you’d realise a man who owns property at 30 on a lower salary is a better bet than a man earning 70k who is also in a flat share.

I think you are massively missing the point with the salary thing.

You can't love someone for their salary. You can be attracted to ambition and hard work for sure but money in itself is not what makes a person husband material. You are excluding so many people based on this one aspect. If you love someone you go through life ups and downs together. You might have times of not a lot of cash but it doesn't matter because you are together. Children can have a lovely life without wads of cash. There are significantly more people out there earning less than 7Ok than earning over it and they are having nice lives! They may have harder days - who doesn't- but most wouldn't trade the people they love for material things. Your focus seems all wrong. You need to find someone you can love and then as a team you work through things like parenthood together.

To be fair she doesn't want to date a bloke from the meat counter at Tesco's does she?

Saying isn’t about of someone is for for your purpose/ goals. It’s about getting to know them slowly and see if your values and goals align. Nothing wrong with your requirements for financially stable etc but sounds like anyone willing can fit in the ‘box’ so that you can do whatever you want to do (ie be a mom). Men are human too and they can feel these things- that you aren’t very interested in who they are as people but in what they can do for you. And that’s not very attractive

Oh yes, this too!

Also, don't just look at clubs/activities for their male quota. Widen your circle of girlfriends- who may have brothers, mates, boyfriend's mates, cousins.....

My advice would be:

• yes, hobbies and social events! Things you truly enjoy. You'll be happy to spend your time doing them, which is helpful because then you can max out your schedule, and have actual fun apart from man-hunting.
• provided you truly enjoy them, do things educated, rich men like. But I've been on that scene, and there's a definite type of (30-something) woman who suddenly takes up stereotypically "elite" pastimes. It's a bit transparent. If you are truly into the hobby, you will break through that and it won't matter. But if you are faking it, expect it to show! (I'm a man so have seen it from that side).
• and provided you enjoy them, do things that decent, reliable men like. Walking, reading (preferably society/politicsy type book clubs, not fiction), board games. I hear bad things about cyclists but they can't be all bad! I'm guessing cooking is mainly women, but I may be wrong. If you do geeky things you will meet high-earning low-key men (low-earning ones too, but you can filter them out if you like!).
• Is there anything you can teach? But you might just get women.
• I don't think people were calling you arrogant because of how you described yourself (at least, I just read that all as factual neutral). But you do mention a lot of criteria in your various posts, which will obviously narrow down your options. Your own profile reads to me as "good" (top ?20%), not "will have her pick of all the men" (top 5%). Top 20% is a strong hand to be playing, but the 20% vs 5% disparity is what you are struggling against.
• The good news is that 30 is not super-late for the kind of man you are after (highly educated, career focused), if you can start to surround yourself with them. It can be miserable wondering when you will meet the right person. But if you are internally confident and are meeting lots of the right sorts of people, you aren't in the last chance saloon yet.
• Radical honesty on date 1 might be a good strategy, if you can face having hundreds of first dates. If not, a more normal honest but not in-your-face approach might be best.
• Weeding out men who only want you for sex is quite easy: just don't sleep with them until you are at least several dates in, and the guys just after sex or novelty have given up. But beware: plenty of good, decent men will be happy to have a friends-with-benefits arrangement unless you make clear that's not what you are interested in. Pitching this conversation right is hard, but a decent man will understand a message like: who knows where this might lead or not, but I'm interested in something that may turn into a serious relationship, if it goes that way, not friends-with-benefits (or alternatively: who knows where this might lead, but while we are together I expect us to be exclusive, and if that changes we will talk to each other).

I don't think your situation is as bad as you are feeling it is right now. Enjoy yourself, and good luck!

If you're objectively beautiful and 30, you should be beating them off with a shitty stick. I was drop dead gorgeous at 30 and met men literally anywhere and everywhere. I was constantly approached. You need to fish in the right ponds. Join a gym in Chelsea, start polo lessons in Ascot, go to hunt balls etc.

Why? Why should OP not have powerful feelings and express them? She's lonely. She wants a life partner. She wants kids. She doesn't have these and birthdays are milestones where you evaluate what's missing in your life.

It's normal and healthy to cry over things that sadden you. Mocking other people's emotions is less normal and healthy.