Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would you sack nanny over this?

554 replies

YourMerryBrickRobin · 07/06/2024 23:42

AHave name changed as potentially outing.

Nanny has been with us for 6 years, since our joint biological eldest turned 1 (DH has two kids aged 18 and 14, eldest lives with us full time youngest visits in school holidays)

We have never really had any problems although we will admit a boundary has been slightly pushed lately but we let it go- her long term boyfriend was left homeless, so we agree he could TEMPORARILY move on but would be in the caravan outdoors as he wasn’t DBS checked and didn’t want him staying in the house. He seems a nice enough guy and I’m pretty sure he wouldn’t harm my children and appreciate a DBS doesn’t stop that, but it was a boundary we put in place.

He started coming into the house around the DC while we weren’t there. Got a bit more annoyed, but chose not to rock the boat as Nanny is a diamond

Anyway today- she left our youngest (9 months) in the care of her boyfriend while she went and collected DS from nursery, which is literally a 5 minute walk away. Reason being- we had DDs car seat in our car. She didn’t attempt to contact either me or DH (we are both self employed and always within 10-15 miles of home) despite noticing this morning when she was going to take her to the park (DH dropped DS off, we have 2 same stage car seats hence why it wasn’t an issue with DS this morning)

Im pissed off if I’m honest. Like I said, nice enough guy but don’t know him well enough to look after my child even if it was for under 10 minutes

AIBU?

OP posts:
Mumof3confused · 09/06/2024 17:47

She’s not ‘gold’ with that terrible judgement I would be concerned leaving my tiny children in her some care at all!

sam26oscar · 09/06/2024 17:42

Wouldn’t sack her as a good Nanny is like you said a diamond ( I’m a former Nanny) definitely need to say you are extremely unhappy about the situation and that moving forward the boyfriend is not welcome in the house . You may find this forces her hand and she may leave anyway- or ditches the boyfriend! Just out of interest how did you find out that the boyfriend looked after the baby? Did she tell you? Which in my eyes at least she was honest with you and didn’t lie - not defending her but it’s also a quality that your Nanny is honest!

Watermonkey13 · 09/06/2024 17:41

You are absolutely not being unreasonable. This is exactly how children end up being abused. I would either give written warning or sack depending on how good she is.

coupdetonnerre · 09/06/2024 11:35

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

Tooski · 09/06/2024 11:33

This reply has been deleted

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

It's like you can't read or understand a written conversation. Good luck🙄

coupdetonnerre · 09/06/2024 11:23

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

Tooski · 09/06/2024 11:21

This reply has been deleted

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

You've lost the theme of what I was saying.

IF OP wants to maintain childcare in the same manner as it is currently provided, then she needs to deal with this appropriately. A load of what abouttery is not what I was discussing.

I'm not a nanny but I own and run a business - properly, with real staff.

TomeTome · 09/06/2024 11:19

It would never be acceptable to leave the baby in the care of a man who has been expressly denied access to the house.

ageratum1 · 09/06/2024 11:16

Gonnagetgoingreturnsagain · 09/06/2024 10:48

Employment rights in this case I’m sure count for not a lot if the nanny is leaving a baby in the care of someone unqualified. To me, at the least that would be grounds for a verbal or written warning or at most gross misconduct and therefore sackable.

It seems as if OP has gone down the warning route.

Show quote history

She is going to argue that her normal routine was to take the kids in the car, but you had taken the car seat and leaving the baby with someone who lives there, was the lesser of 2 evils.
I don't think some posers realise how expensive and difficult an employment tribunal is for an employer, even if they have a good case.

coupdetonnerre · 09/06/2024 11:05

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

Catsmere · 09/06/2024 11:04

Gonnagetgoingreturnsagain · 09/06/2024 10:55

Your last para nails it!

It also sounds like after 6 years she’s quite comfortable in the fact she knows the family well and maybe lets a few other things slip too which OP doesn’t know about. Probably before or after the boyfriend stayed the nanny knew she was pushing boundaries but thought no, it’ll be ok if I wing it. Taking the piss massively in my opinion.

Show quote history

Yes, I agree with you and @Castle0 . This is the thing OP has found out about - what else might the nanny have done with her boyfriend in the house before now?

Tooski · 09/06/2024 11:02

This reply has been deleted

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

You do realise how employment tribunals work, right? ‘Difficult’ people can make your life, er, difficult. As an employer caution is always wisest.

Tooski · 09/06/2024 11:00

ageratum1 · 09/06/2024 10:46

Yes she does! Se has been there more than 2 years and has employment rights.Maybe you shouldn't be giving out (dangerous)?advice if you don't understand the basics of employment law

Show quote history

I think you misquoted me there! I agree. You can’t just make shit up to suit redundancy.

Mouswife · 09/06/2024 10:58

I would absolutely sack this woman . She explicitly went against what you said and left your baby in his care. Your baby could have been harmed by this man, you have no idea who he is or what his past would say. Your baby was left with a stranger , which have been upsetting at best, dangerous at worst.
she would have to go.

Gonnagetgoingreturnsagain · 09/06/2024 10:55

Castle0 · 08/06/2024 19:15

Wrong. You can fire someone on the spot for GROSS MISCONDUCT. Which this very clearly is. The Nanny had only 1 job - to look after the kids - and she failed.

Its not like the Nanny was asked to do childcare as a "favour".

IT WAS HER FUCKING JOB.

She was clearly fucking about with her BF all day in the OP's house, eating their food, shagging on their sofa and watching their tv, then realised she was late for pickup and scrambled there in the car as too late to walk.

Show quote history

Your last para nails it!

It also sounds like after 6 years she’s quite comfortable in the fact she knows the family well and maybe lets a few other things slip too which OP doesn’t know about. Probably before or after the boyfriend stayed the nanny knew she was pushing boundaries but thought no, it’ll be ok if I wing it. Taking the piss massively in my opinion.

coupdetonnerre · 09/06/2024 10:50

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

Gonnagetgoingreturnsagain · 09/06/2024 10:48

ageratum1 · 09/06/2024 10:46

Yes she does! Se has been there more than 2 years and has employment rights.Maybe you shouldn't be giving out (dangerous)?advice if you don't understand the basics of employment law

Show quote history

Employment rights in this case I’m sure count for not a lot if the nanny is leaving a baby in the care of someone unqualified. To me, at the least that would be grounds for a verbal or written warning or at most gross misconduct and therefore sackable.

It seems as if OP has gone down the warning route.

ageratum1 · 09/06/2024 10:46

Tooski · 09/06/2024 10:30

Or make shit up you mean 😆

Show quote history

Yes she does! Se has been there more than 2 years and has employment rights.Maybe you shouldn't be giving out (dangerous)?advice if you don't understand the basics of employment law

Tooski · 09/06/2024 10:30

This reply has been deleted

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

Or make shit up you mean 😆

coupdetonnerre · 09/06/2024 10:27

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

Tooski · 09/06/2024 09:40

This reply has been deleted

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

Redundancy when someone then appears in the same job is illegal!

Starseeking · 09/06/2024 09:34

You can't ignore proper safeguarding of children because it inconveniences you, or was "just the once". This time it was 5 minutes, next time who knows how long it would be.

The only people I ever leave my primary age DC (one of whom has additional needs and is non verbal) with are their Dad, my parents, my sister or their Nanny. Although my DC have known their Nanny for the majority of their lives, I would sack her instantly if she left my DC alone with any of her family, whether that was her DH or her DC, I haven't (and wouldn't) given permission for that.

I would never knowingly choose to leave my DC alone with an unrelated person, male or female, for any length of time. I'm surprised this many people would be so lax about their DC safety.

coupdetonnerre · 09/06/2024 02:24

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

QueenBitch666 · 09/06/2024 02:14

Bollindger · 08/06/2024 14:54

I was a Nanny.
You have trusted this person for 6 years to look after your children.
She tells you herself that she did it once.
Now instead of a friendly chat about how your unhappy to have had this happen, and for it not to happen again, you have gone Boss mode.

Well I hope you lose your Nanny.
I hope the new one is not a patch on this treasure, and you wish you had given yourselfs a shake....

Because I left my job and 5 years later my old bosses still asked me to return as the new one was a nightmare....

JFC. Where to begin with this comment. Absolutely appalling and reprehensible. I suggest you brush up on safeguarding.

Thelnebriati · 09/06/2024 00:54

You say some people are on high alert but the fact is, abusers follow known patterns of behaviour; and its very easy for non abusive people to avoid those patterns.

So why act like a walking red flag when your job is to care for other peoples children? How many red flags should a parent ignore, and how many boundary violations should they accept?