Would you sack nanny over this?

I don’t think so - I would hit the roof if my child was left with an unknown man regardless of how lovely childminder thinks him. Trusting someone to mind your child is massive and that was a significant breach of that trust.

It has happened and can't un-happen.

What do you want the outcome to be?

Any solution whereby the bf is asked to leave and a formal warning is given is likely to lead to her looking for another job.

She has been your nanny for 6 years. I am assuming you have formed some form of relationship based on trust during that time. Do you usually trust her judgment bearing in mind you are prepared to leave your children in her care? What will you do if SD brings home a boyfriend and while she is alone with the other kids asks bf to keep an eye for a couple of minutes while she pops to the shop. I think allowing nanny's boyfriend to stay has blurred those lines for her in that her length of time with you means she feels she is part of the family. I also think she feels this because she thought nothing of telling you she did it. If it was something she thought you wouldn't be okay with she wouldn't have told you. She may mow be less forthcoming with you in the future about other things that currently she would be.

If you want to keep her as a nanny, can you speak with her on a less formal basis about why it was inappropriate and how it has upset you. She may well be horrified. I do think any form of formal warning will lead to her leaving so I guess deciding what you want the ultimate outcome to be is the first step. If you feel you can't get past this breach of trust then by all means go down a formal route but I would anticipate needing to find a new nanny soon.

There are at least 2 issues. The break down of trust is one. Is the man a risk is two.
I don't think all men are a risk and a DBS is utterly worthless.

Nanny ought to go. She has no right to bring an adult male into your lives, into your home, into contact with your children - that decision should be yours, she should not usurp your authority.

Recognising the difficulty in finding reliable childcare, I suppose I understand your decision to give her a second chance, but she has demonstrated that she does not care for the safety of your children and that would be a real problem for me.

To be honest I took it that she wasn't paying any attention to the child, realised she was so late and had to drive there because she was too late to walk. That's why she left the child at home.

If she is your employee, then I really hope you have not sent that text. You could end up in an employment tribunal if you don’t follow the basic principles of a disciplinary process. That text has already breached them.

If she is excellent apart from this I would issue a final written warning and the boyfriend has to leave now!

If it was a 5min walk, how does her not have a car seat make sense?

She's taking the piss.

Moves boyfriend in, lets him in house, leaves one of her charges with him.

What next?

How can you still trust her?

She’s not a good reliable nanny if she leaves your child with her random boyfriend. The trust is gone. Take steps to remove her in line with employment law and find another nanny.

DO NOT DO THIS BY TEXT

You are an employer, act like one.

You call a meeting, you confirm the discussion in writing. That may or may not be a warning, gross misconduct, but you need this done officially.

FWIW she will be looking to live with him now and will no doubt leave.

Did you actually tell her you didn’t want her boyfriend in contact with your children? (I know she should know this given her training, but it does seem your lines between personal and professional have been massively blurred).

How old are they?

I doubt she will be back to collect her written warning, I’d find another nanny!

He may well be and likely is innocent, but I wouldn’t care if he were male, female or whatever I couldn’t forgive her leaving my child with someone else. I’ll admit I’m paranoid and wouldn’t leave my child with a nanny either, so maybe my views are a bit extreme.

Your biggest mistake was letting him stay in the caravan. She is working when she is in your house. Would your employer let your boyfriend park up in the company's caravan in the company's car park and come into the office while only vulnerable people are there?

@Londonrach1: “DH and me” sometimes is correct: e.g. “Sarah gave the cake to DH and me”. Admittedly “DH and me” is wrong in the context in which the OP has used it. Turning back to your post, “a bit” is two separate words. Let he who is without sin cast the first stone, and all that.

That isn't the issue, it's that the text starts with "Me and Y have sat down ..." when it should be "Y and I". The trick is to take "and Y" out and see if the sentence still works. Given that this is something that could end up as an exhibit in an Employment Tribunal, it's quite important to get it right.

Time to remove the boyfriend from the picture.

This for me, I don’t think you’ll get the trust back. She left someone you barely know alone in your house with your child, I’d sack her I’m afraid.

Are you in Australia? We don't have 'Working with Children' cards in the UK, hence references to DBS. There are different levels of DBS and with the exception of the basic one, you can only apply for them if you are the employer of someone whose role means they are eligible under the criteria. 'Boyfriend of nanny' or 'live in guest' would not be included.

Personally I would yes but I also wouldn't list a man live on my property when I have children

In my experience, once people start pushing the boundaries like this, they never really turn it around. The balance has shifted, and they tend to just start getting arsey when you try and remind them that they are an employee and that ultimately you call the shots.

It's awkward, but I'd be looking for someone else.

A good reliable nanny is hard to come by.

If she’s been with you a long time, the kids like her and she doesn’t go pulling sickies all the time, don’t get rid of her. If you did you never know how long it would be until you find another decent one.

have a chat with her and let her know you weren’t ok with the situation and move on.

@Londonrach1: “DH and me” sometimes is correct: e.g. “Sarah gave the cake to DH and me”. Admittedly “DH and me” is wrong in the context in which the OP has used it. Turning back to your post, “a bit” is two separate words. Let he who is without sin cast the first stone, and all that.

But this isn’t pedants’ corner and mistakes in the OP’s email are the least of her worries. A PP makes the excellent point that an employment tribunal is likely to view this as a relationship of employment and want to see some kind of process followed before the nanny is just unceremoniously sacked. I am not an employment lawyer so don’t know what an immediately sackable offence is for this kind of job. It may well be that what the nanny did is such an offence - but it would be wise to know she’s on firm ground legally before she follows any advice just to sack the nanny. The blurring of the boundaries by letting the BF live in the caravan is a complete lapse in judgment. Had that not happened, it’d be less likely this situation would have arisen in the first place.

I wouldn’t sack her yet, but I would read the riot act. I did sack a nanny once (she was pregnant which made things more difficult), and the reasons for sacking her started with her unemployed (and illegal immigrant) husband spending time at the house when the nanny was supposed to be working. The sacking matter was when I came home unexpectedly early and found the DDs (aged 18 months and 3) sat in front of the telly while she and her husband were having fun in her bedroom. She didn’t hear me come in, and I was there for over an hour before she emerged from the love nest. I had said previously that he shouldn’t come to the house when she was working - again, having forgotten my laptop and popped home, to find him enjoying a slap up breakfast of our food in the kitchen. Give her this one chance. My nanny was given one chance and ignored it.

I don't think I would sack her over this. But really it isn't ideal having him living more of less at your house. You either need to find s new nanny or if she stays he needs to move out. It's the only answer IMHO.

I agreed she crossed a line but she also seems to be valuable to you.

The obvious answer is to get the boyfriend DBS checked, and say no access to the house until it comes through.

Have a gentle chat about the fact that she may know and trust him, but you don't, and could she please follow your rules, or he has to go.

Don't overeact, and cut off your nose to spite your face!

I think your text is fine. Written warning is firm enough and then you have evidence to sack her if she messes up again.

Your text isn't great. I assume you've already sent it, though? The main fault in the text it that it doesn't spell out the seriousness of her offence, and doesn't give her the chance to defend herself. Some of this can be remedied.

WRITE to her, a proper letter, saying that you want a formal meeting with her to discuss what you understand has happened. State that if your understanding is correct, this constitutes gross misconduct. Since you have reasonable belief that this misconduct has occurred, you would be justified in sacking her on the soot, but you are holding a formal meeting with her to hear her side of the story.

If you HAVEN'T sent the text, say that you will make a decision about what to do next after the meeting. Don't indicate that you have come to a decision before formally meeting with her.

Tell her that she can bring someone with her to this meeting for support. Here I'm going to get a bit flaky, as I don't know how you stand legally on specifying that this can't be the BF. You could put the fear of God into her by saying 'this could be a legal representative or a parent, for example ' - that might discourage thoughts of the BF.

Have the meeting and take it from there. Send her minutes of the meeting with your final decision (and if you decide to sack her following the meeting, tell her she has the right to appeal in line with recommended ACAS codes of practice).