To grieve over being alone like this, never being loved, and no end in sight?

A couple of my relatives have had later life relationships, so from 60 upwards, so it's not over til it's over! In both cases, their later relationships are 100% better than the men they chose in their early twenties, as they were not great, they just felt they had to settle down and have children. It must feel pretty relentless having a one year old on your own, and no wonder you feel tired of it all and a bit lonely at times, I do think though that quicker than you think your child will be old enough to be left with a babysitter, relative, mum friend, and you will be able to start going out more, just with friends or eventually dating.

I understand how you feel, I'm just 40 and had similar feelings in my later 30s, single mum 4 children.

I worked on myself and dated. I got to. Place of being very happy and very boundaried.

I got to the point where I didn't care if I met someone or not. Then aged 38 I did meet someone. It took a long while to slowly establish but we are now in a really good place. We see each other once or twice a week which is a good balance.

What shifted thing for me was being a hundred percent confident in myself and stopped comparing myself to other couples some of which are likely very unhappy.

Life isn't what we always think it will be. Find a babysitter, date and also have one night per week doing something for you.if you find a great babysitter life does get so much easier!!

Don't create barriers for yourself, be proactive in reaching your goals and if that's to find a partner you need to actively do this, or more years pass you by and youl be more stuck.

38 is young. I wonder have your hormones recovered post pregnancy, I felt old prior to starting hrt, and once I started realised perimenopause had been affecting me since having a miscarriage in my mid 30s.

I feel the same. However, am ten years older, no house, no career now either. 38 is young and you will look far better than you think. Therapy is helpful but I know it doesn’t change the luck element so many people seem to have. But there are far more people in your situation - and worse, so don’t feel alone. You never know what’s around the corner. That hope is what we need to focus on

I don’t feel I can date with a one year old as I have nobody to stay with my child and would have to trust a babysitter. I’m not sure I can do that with a one year old yet.

In your heart you sound ready and open to the idea of dating again. And that is good.

As your child gets older go to some baby groups with the express intention of finding some trusted friends. As DC gets old enough for nursery you'll meet other mums. You can maybe babysit for each other then in the coming months/years.

You've got AGES OP. I left my first marriage in my late 30s and then found the love of my life and married him at 42. He had no kids of his own so we had a baby together (she's now 10). I had 3 already when we got together and he's a wonderful father, stepfather and now doting step-grandad!

You've got a full life ahead of you! Loads of time. Don't despair :)

I’m In a similar situation to you, however I don’t feel the same. I’m grateful every day for my child, family, friends, job, house etc
I’ve always been a very independent person and love my own company. Some people don’t like living alone.
Try not to search for someone, if if happens it happens but you should learn to love you and your life first.

Going against the grain but I would say if you want it- go get it. Prioritise finding a relationship. Put yourself out there, make it a job. Don't leave it to chance. My dsis was single for a decade and it was really getting to her and she was just hoping to meet someone and trying to distract herself/ getting on with her life. It was only when she made a decision to start prioritising finding someone that it has now happened.

I had DD at 23 now the same age as you and not dated in between. Sure I had bf at school and uni etc but never a proper 'man'. DDs dad was still in that gangly early 20s phase and now men my own age are often grey, balding and with a beer belly - not a judgement but very much adult men rather than 'teen' men. I wouldn't even know how to have a relationship now and lost all those years of learning how to cohabit.

What I gained though is so much more. My life is peaceful, there is no drama. You get used to being single. Your child grows up and becomes a fabulous companion, DD loves theatre, cinema and eating out. As she gets more independent so do I and am now free to pursue whatever interests me. Im fiercely independent and the idea of living with someone else now is not appealing. Lots of my friends whose children are now grown are struggling with their relationships and looking to possibly start from scratch now approaching their 40s.

Grieve for the life you thought you'd have. You've got a child which is one bonus, being childless when you want them I think is far more heart breaking than not having a man who might up and leave anyway. It will be fine, it just takes time to get in the swing of things especially when stuck in the neverending sleepless nights of a young child.

I’m almost 40 and have only found my person in last couple of years. I still feel young too- cut yourself some slack. You still have plenty time to enjoy your little one and then start dating in a few years

I met the love of my life when I was 47. He loves me wholeheartedly, he's kind, generous and when he was able he did the shopping, the housework and the laundry (while I went to work). We are older now - he is 75 with severe dementia and is in care; I am 68 and I visit him every day. No matter how bad he is (and he can be very violent indeed) he is always gentle and calm with me. We sit together and he tells me over and over again that he loves me. I tell him I love him, always have and always will. I have never felt so loved in my whole life.

So don't despair. I met him when he was sorting out parcels underneath a Christmas Tree - I've always called him my Christmas pressie. But you've got a long while to go yet!

I have had a 5yr relationship, a 4 and two 3. I'm a single mum now and feel the same in waves. Most of the time I feel quite lucky not to have the weekends dominated by some silly argument or feeling resentful because of something you have to nag to get done for eg. Other times I want to explore with someone or start a series, have the in-jokes. I miss sex a lot (always used to be the one asking for it) and I suppose I thought I was a catch for doing so much in the bedroom and would probably find someone who was happy with that. Now the idea of sleeping with most of the 40yo I see is a bit grim and a lot of them can't get it up anyway. I also realised my heart is too fragile for what men can offer. I never found a guy who could be faithful, who was honest, who really wanted to build something. Only one guy I was with didn't cheat. I feel like I was always the one giving love, support, encouragement and they just kept searching elsewhere for someone better looking all the time. It's exhausting and always felt like a dance to "keep a man interested" rather than something where you can relax because they also have your back. So for me it's probably 70% happy to be single with 30% would like decent sex/someone to help DIY/someone who actually wants to explore or holiday.

honestly, you have the best of all worlds! a lovely little one to care for, and freedom to be yourself and live your life exactly as you want. I am sorry you don't have a relationship, as that is important, but really, even my happiestly married friends envy my single life some or all of the time

OP your child will be at nursery in 2 years and school in 4
40 and 42 is NOT old even though it feels it now
I thought it was when I was in your position at that age - now pushing 50 I realise it wasn’t!!

I just wanted to add that it’s fine to feel sad too. Your grief for the life you thought you would have is valid and understandable. Allow space for those feelings but don’t let them dictate what you do.

OP, I would start with self love. Treat yourself how you would like to be treated.
Pick up a new hobby.
Eat well, sleep well, exercise.
Live your best life.

I met my husband while pregnant and with young children too. I had come out of an awful relationship with my childrens father and really wasnt looking for anything. In fact I turned DH down for nearly a year because the timing seemed terrible and I didnt trust my judgement anymore. I was 33 and definitely feeling a bit past it 😅

One of my friends had a baby after she split from the horrible dad and raised her single handed. Had a few short flings during that time. Met her current partner in her 50s and they have been together 15 years. It was just by chance. They have an amazing time together.

In the meantime my friend just got on with her life. Didn’t need a man. Parenting, building a strong network of friends and living life fully according to what was important to her. if she hadn’t met him she’d still have been content as she had built a fab and meaningful life.

You can’t guarantee you will find love, you might, but you might not. There is always hope, but live your life according to what matters most to you so you don’t look back and feel like you wasted it.

Also, just because people are married or in couples don’t assume they are happy. Lots are miserable and wish they were single!

Most of the people in your age group are divorced and so traumatised by it.... they would never marry again.

I think your situation is more common than you think.

Our society is not family based but more work and individualistic oriented for both men and women.

You seem very focused on looks.... finding love and companionship is not only based on looks.

Don't give up hope too... enjoy motherhood. As your child becomes older and more independent there will be more time for dating.

I understand OP, I’ve been thinking the same and it’s even worse for me as I’m now 53. I’ve been alone most of my life except for three relationships that were each about 3 yrs long. Only 8/9 years of my life have I been with anyone and they obviously didn’t love me as they cheated.

I’ve never lived with a man either and always pictured buying a house and furniture together. It really makes me sad to know this is it for me. I’ve been single the past 9 years and I’m beginning to accept my fate, that maybe I was never meant to be loved.

There's so many people out there in similar situations. You really aren't alone.

I'm 45 and I've never had a relationship that lasted more than six years. I got married at 39 and my husband left me a year after our twins were born. We'd been married a whole two years. They're nearly six now. I've been single ever since with no signs of that status changing.

I would have loved a solid lasting relationship. Now I'm so untrusting and wary. I actively dislike most men now. So many women I know in unhappy relationships. Even the ones I know in 'happy' ones make so many excuses and concessions for their partners. It's totally shit.

I have my DC though and my love for them gets me through the dark times.

Why can you not date because you have a child? I have a friend who found a new partner while being pregnant with her exes child; another found a new partner even though she had three boys (aged 5, 5 and 6 months at the time), another who dated several men while raising her kids...

You say you are sad but at the same time you don't want to find someone. If you decide that you want to find someone and make an effort, there is a good chance you will find someone. Don't give up hope.

Why did your relationships not work out? Did you enter relationships with the right type of person or are you falling in love with men who are not serious about relationships or who are incompatible with you? Have you potentially been sabotaging yourself?

You say you feel old, but finding a partner in one's late 30s is not uncommon at all.

Some of it will be meeting your perfect match, but I think part of it is luck. Two people who fancy each other, being ready to settle down and be in a steady relationship at the same time.

And some of it will be people who have settled because they haven’t met that person, so have grabbed hold of the next person to show interest.

And some of it will be people who are deeply unhappy and are with their spouses because of circumstances rather than love.

You’re only 38. You have no idea what is going to happen in the next five years. And no, you might not be a Dolly bird in her twenties anymore, but you presumably won’t be wanting to attract young lads in their twenties either, so it’s all relative. I’m sure that if you had wanted to, you could have chosen a partner purely based on their desire to settle down and have a dozen children. Someone who would have been over the moon to have an attractive woman on their arm. But you didn’t because you recognised that it wouldn’t make you happy. You’ve done the right thing for you by not settling.

I came on to start a very similar thread then saw this one
OP you are 10 years younger than me - you have time on your side!