Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Lone man in soft play area

218 replies

solitudeisbliss · 07/06/2024 18:10

I was at the local soft play centre with my DD this morning.

While I was there, a man came into the soft play and sat at one of the tables. He didn’t appear to have any children with him when he came in, and after watching him drink his coffee and talk on his phone (through headphones) for 45 minutes, he then got up and left.

I went to speak to the manager after he left and asked if she had noticed that this man didn’t have any children with him.

She just said ‘well sometimes people come in and use this as a cafe which we allow’.

For context, there are many other cafes within a 2 minute walk from the soft play, and it is not inside a shopping centre, it is in its own building next to a retail park. Also, you have to pay to get in, and the area is gated (people on reception have to let you in) so if they wanted to stop people from entering without children they could.

Just wondering if people think this is normal behaviour or if I should raise it with someone (please give me advice on who!) as I feel it’s a potential safeguarding concern.

AIBU - this is completely normal and nothing needs to change

AINBU - there should be a rule stopping lone adults coming in to soft play

OP posts:
TeenLifeMum · 07/06/2024 18:44

I’m confused, are you saying he paid an entrance fee to access the cafe or is it free to enter?

Original poster
solitudeisbliss · 07/06/2024 18:43

PennyNotWise · 07/06/2024 18:37

Jesus it’s a bit scary how many people here aren’t aware of child protection 🤦‍♀️

Thank you! I’m a teacher and this feels like someone coming to sit with their coffee overlooking the school playground, this would be considered strange and we would be ensuring the children were safe even if there was no indication this person was going to do anything

OP posts:
Original poster
solitudeisbliss · 07/06/2024 18:42

Tandora · 07/06/2024 18:35

Have him hung drawn and quartered OP. How dare he have a coffee in the vicinity of your child? It’s quite obvious he’s a pedo

Once again I’m not starting a witch-hunt against this particular man!! I’m just raising a question of whether they should be allowing random people without children to come into the soft play. I’m not saying he was necessarily doing anything wrong, but if they’re letting anyone in, then at some point someone dodgy could come in and there’s nothing to stop them

OP posts:
AFmammaG · 07/06/2024 18:41

Vettrianofan · 07/06/2024 18:33

Oh I thought you meant that he was hiding in the ball pool pen or something 🤔

Same! I thought you meant he was inside the play frame. I did actually report a man alone in the soft play once to staff, who then told me he was also staff making sure the children were ok!

Agree it’s a bit of an odd thing to do. It would have raised my spider senses.

TheEyesOfLucyJordon · 07/06/2024 18:41

PennyNotWise · 07/06/2024 18:37

Jesus it’s a bit scary how many people here aren’t aware of child protection 🤦‍♀️

Is it? I get the impression that most people are pretty clued up.

Original poster
solitudeisbliss · 07/06/2024 18:40

SunriseSunsets · 07/06/2024 18:35

Weird my local soft play won't even let children in over 12 if they don't have a sibling younger 🤷‍♀️ so find this hard to believe but then it sounds like it has its own separate cafe which people can use and you said they said people often come in so what's the problem?

Yeah that’s why I thought it was so strange cause in my mind there’s no reason to let in adults if they don’t have a child with them.

just to clarify, the soft play is not seperate to the cafe, there are some tables and chairs in the middle and then the soft play is surrounding this, so it’s not seperate to the soft play

OP posts:
TwattyMcFuckFace · 07/06/2024 18:39

The phone thing is a red herring.

If you want phones banned, that's a separate subject and one you'll have to raise with management.

Literally any parent, uncle, aunt, grandparent could be up to something dodgy with their phone, even if they had 20 kids with them.

PennyNotWise · 07/06/2024 18:37

Jesus it’s a bit scary how many people here aren’t aware of child protection 🤦‍♀️

saveforthat · 07/06/2024 18:37

Tiiina · 07/06/2024 18:26

My dad who is not British once visited me here and told me that he had gone for a walk and sat down in the local playground to look at the children play. I told him you cannot do that in this country. You will get arrested 😅

That's not true. You cannot get arrested for watching children play, however many mumsnetters would like that to be true. Many men nowadays would of course feel uncomfortable doing it because now lone adults in children's play areas means paedophile alert. Many years ago, old folks would rest on a bench near play areas (and no they were not all paedophiles).

Brianiac · 07/06/2024 18:37

He didn't even get up from his seat, seemingly, so what is the big deal?

If he was following around and playing with children or hanging around the bathroom I'd get it.

You have probably got the wrong end of the stick OP.

tuvamoodyson · 07/06/2024 18:36

So, a man came in, had a coffee, made a phone call and left. Were any children harmed while he was there? It’s already been established that people are allowed to do that…and I’ll bet if it had been a woman, you and the other parents wouldn’t have even noticed!

SunriseSunsets · 07/06/2024 18:35

Weird my local soft play won't even let children in over 12 if they don't have a sibling younger 🤷‍♀️ so find this hard to believe but then it sounds like it has its own separate cafe which people can use and you said they said people often come in so what's the problem?

Tandora · 07/06/2024 18:35

Have him hung drawn and quartered OP. How dare he have a coffee in the vicinity of your child? It’s quite obvious he’s a pedo

Original poster
solitudeisbliss · 07/06/2024 18:34

ASighMadeOfStone · 07/06/2024 18:24

We could add the "the employee told the OP that people without children could come in and buy a coffee" as well.

OP- did the man do anything to your child? In your own words, he had a coffee, used the cafés WiFi and left.

Your child's grandfather is statistically about 90% more likely btw. So don't leave Junior alone with him.

Show quote history

Yes this man didn’t do anything, hence why I didn’t start screaming or calling the police lol. But as you’ve said in your other posts, what person would want to sit in a soft play and drink a coffee and leave? Which then makes you wonder what other reasons a person could have for going there.

Just to clarify, yes I watch my child the whole time but not everyone does, and I don’t think it would be hard for someone to take pictures of children or even walk out with a small child in this situation.

again, I’m not being dramatic and saying anyone was abused I’m just questioning why he was there and wondering if the rule should be changed to keep everyone safe.

OP posts:
Bringbackthebeaver · 07/06/2024 18:34

this person was on their phone the whole time they could potentially have been recording or taking photos

Well was he? It's obvious if someone is recording. Was he staring at/ recording/ taking photos of children or not?

TwattyMcFuckFace · 07/06/2024 18:34

How much is the adult entrance fee OP?

Vettrianofan · 07/06/2024 18:33

Oh I thought you meant that he was hiding in the ball pool pen or something 🤔

Bramblecrumble22 · 07/06/2024 18:32

Tiiina · 07/06/2024 18:26

My dad who is not British once visited me here and told me that he had gone for a walk and sat down in the local playground to look at the children play. I told him you cannot do that in this country. You will get arrested 😅

Haha, that's brilliant. Children playing is so wholesome and heartwarming, but definitely not allowed without reason here.

Bringbackthebeaver · 07/06/2024 18:31

If you see him in there regularly without a child and he is behaving suspiciously then yes of course it's a concern.

But it sounds like you simply saw a man on his own one time, which is a complete non-event.

He might have just been waiting for someone who couldn't make it.

Original poster
solitudeisbliss · 07/06/2024 18:29

saveforthat · 07/06/2024 18:24

I was going to say perhaps he works there.

Show quote history

Just to clarify the manager did confirm that this was just someone who came in for a coffee, he wasn’t a manager/owner as I asked that question

OP posts:
tuvamoodyson · 07/06/2024 18:28

PricklyPearNoThornsPlease · 07/06/2024 18:17

I find it hard to believe any lone adult, male or female, would voluntarily go to soft play. No coffee is that good.

Ours certainly isn’t! I think they just shout ‘coffee’ at the cup! It’s really just hot milk.

ASighMadeOfStone · 07/06/2024 18:28

countrysidelife2024 · 07/06/2024 18:18

our local soft play doesn't allow anyone in without a child or proof that a child is in the soft play already due to an incident that happened once so Yanbu.

The one the OP went to does. They told her that people can use the café.

That yours doesn't is irrelevant.

Tiiina · 07/06/2024 18:26

My dad who is not British once visited me here and told me that he had gone for a walk and sat down in the local playground to look at the children play. I told him you cannot do that in this country. You will get arrested 😅

Original poster
solitudeisbliss · 07/06/2024 18:26

PennyNotWise · 07/06/2024 18:15

They probably just want to make a bit of extra money off coffees for local workers on the estate.
But I agree that it’s really weird for a soft play and maybe the boss hasn’t realised how off putting that is for parents, as well as potentially dangerous. I’d have a word with the owner/head office.

Yes this was my thought, I think they probably just want to make a bit of extra money so accept people buying coffees but talking to other parents there agreed that it was a bit strange and made us uncomfortable

OP posts:
ASighMadeOfStone · 07/06/2024 18:26

solitudeisbliss · 07/06/2024 18:24

Yes it’s very clear that it’s a soft play. Nobody in their right mind would see that building and think it’s just a cafe that happens to have a soft play.

Show quote history

You said the person serving said people use the café as a cafe and they're OK with that.

You were in the place with your child. What safeguarding issue could there be?

Swipe left for the next trending thread