Lone man in soft play area

It's attitudes like this that put dads off going to soft play or playgrounds etc with their kids. My husband says he always feels judged and uncomfortable if our little one is in the playground and he's just sitting there...and it's not immediately obvious where his kid is. He feels he gets eyed up and down by suspicious mums. I told him it's nonsense and all in his head- but now he's bloody read this and has informed me that he's the one who's right! If we want dads to take as much responsibility for childcare and rearing then we need to encourage men in typically mother/child environments. And you know what... If a lonely old man sits on a park bench and watches children laughing and playing in a park and that gives him some joy, how lovely. If a man likes sitting in a soft play while he sends some emails, big deal. If he was behaving inappropriately, that's a different matter.

What good would reporting it do? How would they follow up at all?

Every soft play I used over a decade or so with my daughter both locally and of course all the places where various birthday parties were held would not let an adult in without a child. (I was in north London so probably a dozen or so different soft play)

Therefore I suspect the location the op is describing isn't actually a 'pure' soft play as understood by the board - more like those attached to pubs, hotels, seaworld cafe's etc.

Its kind of interesting how you learn to tune out the din of a soft play - you only notice when a phone call comes in and you can't hear the caller - if op's predator received a phone call and actually handled it then it must have been an unusually quiet/not a "pure" soft play? If he was just sat there browsing on his phone, not taking a call, then the place probably has great wifi.

@tweetypi you honestly believe a soft play centre not vetting lone customers is a risk for child abduction?

@FlissyPaps child abductions etc are thankfully extremely rare because places have proper safeguarding policies in place. I don't agree that this soft play has 🤷‍♀️ why court risk over something so obvious?

I'd probably kick up merry hell on the local Facebook group

This is utterly stupid and complete hysteria.

Kicking off and posting on a local Facebook group would just cause unnecessary rumours and panic. It could also make a misery for a potentially innocent man - as none of us know why he was their in the first place. There are many circumstances, already explained throughout the thread, why he was there.

Child abductions are incredibly rare. Even more so in a soft play center. There are always going to be weirdos and creeps and parents should always be on alert when with their children in public - but this thread is complete bonkers.

Well, that's a great attitude towards safeguarding. Don't worry until a child's been harmed?

FTR, I do think Mumsnetters can be a bit ... overzealous about potential risks. OP isn't, though. She observed an unusual behaviour, someone 'out of place', and queried it. That's exactly the right approach. (c.f. The Gift Of Fear).

I would email to check their policy and if you get it confirmed in writing I'd probably kick up merry hell on the local Facebook group. I don't think it's an appropriate place for solo adults to be. I'd want to feel confident that my DC can do some independent playing in the play frame without worrying that a random man is watching them for nefarious reasons or might try to abduct them. My local soft play are really strict about only letting people in if they have a child, I've had to go and collect my husband at the gate when he's arrived late.

I'd imagine you can't report. They're a private company, not an educational facility so ofsted aren't interested.

It's down to parents to supervise, the management are responsible for kicking out anyone actively threatening children's safety (filming, following, touching...,) not just having a coffee and taking a call

Even if there was somewhere, this (aadults sharing a space with children) is unlikely to cross any threshold of intervention

🤣🤣🤣

Report to?

Report to who?

I was about to file it in the not everything with a penis is a child molester file.

Just wondering if people think this is normal behaviour or if I should raise it with someone (please give me advice on who!) as I feel it’s a potential safeguarding concern.

So what are you saying he is, if you "feel it's a potential safeguarding concern".

Have you had your dad vetted?
Far more likely that he'd like to fuck his own grandchild than a random bloke on the street.

If not, why not?

No, I don’t think lone adults should be banned from places where there are children playing. That’s all soft play is. A place where kids are playing (and are supervised by numerous adults). You might as well ban single adults from going to the beach or sitting in the park or going swimming. You’re being utterly ridiculous.

Are you saying I'm lying about what the OP has said that employee at the soft play said? Or that she is?

Because I've no skin in this game and am simply quoting what she said.

If men want to covertly film little kids playing, they don’t need to go to a soft play centre. They can go to any park, playground or beach and do it, any time they like. It seems highly unlikely to me that would go somewhere where they would be as conspicuous as they would be in a soft play centre.

Also, you do know that people with kids of their own can also be paedophiles, right? Every adult in the place is just as likely/unlikely to have been a paedophile as him, whether they have a child with them or not.

Ultimately ‘man has coffee in the presence of children’ isn’t a safeguarding issue.

No different to a guy anywhere surely? Guy loitering near the park, at the shopping centre etc. I am always watching my child when out so I’m not bothered about men being around.

No Op, I don't think there should be 'rules' about lone adults entering