Lone man in soft play area

It's such a sad thing to say. Have you got low expectations of your grandad?

Very worried by a lone male in this scenario. You don't think that might be a tad irrational do you? Tell us your reasoning.

Can't find stats in the UK but I'm sure they're similar to the US. Based on the US data, I suggest you should stop driving to the soft play area because your child is around 10x more likely to end killed in a road accident than they are to get abducted by a stranger sitting around having a coffee in a soft play area

I’m interested that you keep saying ‘regardless of gender’ in these posts. Surely we all know that men are much more of a risk to children, I don’t see the need to try and be so fair in this scenario. I would be very worried by a lone male, much less so by a lone female. And I would say that yes chances are there’s an innocent explanation but what if there’s not?

I think most people like to see children playing and having a good time.

As in they'd notice it and it would make them smile and think 'ah isn't that lovely to see?' and then they'd get on with their day.

It's a bit different than heading off somewhere to specifically sit there with the intention of watching them play. 🙃

Do they specify that they don't allow lone adults in? Or have you known people who have tried to get in without kids and been told no?

I never would have seen that specified at any soft play I went to, and I don't recall ever seeing any lone adult trying to get in either so I wouldn't know if it was allowed or not.

I do the actual training on how abusers target their victims.

Sadly, the whole "stranger danger" myth helped many many abusers continue to get away with it for many many decades.
It is vanishingly rare that a child will be abused by someone unknown to them.

The OP didn't say anything about the man being "strange" btw. Nor did she say she had left her child unattended at any point giving the non-strange man "access".

@Garlicker

The very first (and absolute) tenet of safeguarding is to ask the question:

Is the person safe now.

Are the children who went to the soft play where the man stopped for a coffee and to use the WiFi safe?

They certainly are from the coffee man. Because he left after 45 minutes.

Their Dad could be in bed with them right now, their mother could be stubbing her fags out on their chests or her boyfriend could be jacking up next to them.

Yet again, for those in the cheap seats, over 90% of abuse is from someone the child knows well. That rises even higher if the child is under 10 and male.

And stupid, exaggerated reactions like (thankfully only a few) on this thread are the reason WHY that figure is so high.

Because it's so much easier to go chicken licken over a random bloke having a coffee and not Grandad.

If you had had safeguarding training about paedophiles, then you weren't paying much attention to where the danger lies.

Don’t be ridiculous.

A while ago there was video circulating of a woman struggling to get up from a squat while nobody in the gym is looking out for her.

I'm dreading the day when a similar story involving a child pops up on my feed.

But not a lone female? Are there loads of women going there without children, and you see that as completely normal?

McDonalds is extremely popular with children, and isn't especially known for serving the finest, most gourmet food and drink that would delight most adults over that from a 'grown-up' cafe, bistro or tea room. In fact, much of it is produced and designed to appeal to children - the taste, the beigeness, the form factor, the bright colours, the fun activity sheets on the trays, the crayons, the toys and promotions.

Maybe we should ban, or at the very least treat with the utmost suspicion, any lone adult who goes there?

I'd understand if this were an adult man diving into the soft play area and whooping excitedly whilst swimming in a ball pool and jumping on the foam number cubes, as this would indeed be inappropriate behaviour for an adult. However, I don't know in which world anybody would claim that drinking coffee and eating standard cafe fare is for children only, and somehow extremely dodgy for an adult to do.

It's been a number of years now since my DS was of soft play age, but I can still recall most of the parents there, every visit, would be occupied by sitting away from the play area in the cafe, chatting to their friends, constantly on their phones etc. - anything apart from watching their own children. I do think there are a lot of parents who think that soft play means they don't actually have to be parents and look after their own kids whilst there; maybe this is their thinking: that it's up to the business to supervise their kids?

I remember watching my child carefully throughout - I would genuinely not have had the spare capacity or time to spend watching a random adult to the extent that I could know which kid was his, whether he was waiting for/meeting somebody else, whether he was just there alone to use the cafe or what. A strange adult didn't need my supervision or concern; my little child did.

I'd want to feel confident that my DC can do some independent playing in the play frame without worrying that a random man is watching them for nefarious reasons or might try to abduct them.

Do you not, you know... supervise them carefully yourself? That's a very basic part of parenting young ones; and kids of the age to enjoy soft play, whilst you can give them certain freedoms, can't actually be properly independent, much as they might want to be.

Agreed.

My dad died long time ago but I understand what you are saying. Not sure what kind of vetting you mean, but yeah, I will be keeping an eye on other members of the family, when they have ACCESS to the child.
Secondly, yes stranger danger is rarer but not not existent. you need to read up on how some paedophiles actually picked potential targets by observing the kids on the playground and near their home (how they interacted with other kids, their families, how closely their family watched them etc). And given that, not having some strange men lurking at a soft play may reduce risks for those families who are maybe a bit more lax

I’m with this. Many reasonable suggestions already offered. This is a crazy thread.

Is the coffee particularly good?

unless it is hands down amazing, I don’t believe they often get people in to drink coffee on their own. She was likely fobbing you off because they just don’t have a rule about it.

Who??

There are no benevolent reasons (that I can see) for choosing to spend 45 minutes surrounded by dozens of squealing kids.

Does anyone expect sipping coffee to be benevolent? I don't think so. Doesn't mean it had to be evil, either.

Several reasonable explanations suggested.

Sorry but there are loads of things he could have been there for. One of my cousins after my little nephew passed would go and sit at the cafe in our nearest soft play alone with memories of playing with him and she did this for many months because it brought her comfort

Possibly one of the strangest posts I've read in a long while.

Do you not like to watch children playing and being happy?

Does it not remind you of your own childhood?

Does it not make you smile, or bring back memories of when you're own kids were little (assuming they're not)?

'Extremely concerning' implies that you think the millions of people around the world who get pleasure out of these simple things in life, are actually get sexual kicks.

That in itself is extremely concerning and not to mention plain weird.

There are no benevolent reasons (that I can see) for choosing to spend 45 minutes surrounded by dozens of squealing kids. It's not charming as a playground park might be, it's mayhem. Most people avoid soft play unless obliged by childcare duties.

OP says that, not only was there a choice of other cafes, but the coffee shop's right in the middle of the play centre. What are an adult's likely motives for going there without a child?

It's possible he was waiting for a no-show child but, as PPs have pointed out, most centres would keep him out - for safeguarding reasons - until his ward arrived.