To buy a gift for someone I don't know

Please don't feel bad. It was a very sweet thought.

You shouldn't feel bad, you were coming from a good place.

@LikeWhoUsesTypewritersAnyway it would be a much better thing if we were ALL more like you & @LilacCatt much simpler than our British Cultural norms!!

@LilacCatt

font feel bad! You're a lovely person with a good heart. It's not your fault that in England we have so many weird cultural norms. In other countries/cultures this would be a good thing.

Id want to do the same as you, but know how most people would react to it (and to be honest, if I was the friend I'd probably feel like our mutual friend had betrayed me by telling you, so I see both sides)

I have friends - the mother, her daughter & the daughter's ex MIL ITS USUALLY OK, but sometimes I end up not knowing if I'm supposed to know something or not about one of them, it gets complicated & I never tell any of them anything without expecting them to tell the others. Our Culture can be very complicated.

Dont stop being you 💐 but no harm asking here if you're unsure. It may pay to say you're autistic in your first post to stop some of the unpleasant posts xx

Don't feel bad @LilacCatt You sound like a lovely kind soul. And you did the right thing asking for advice! I would have. I get things a little 'wrong' sometimes (socially,) and so will often ask someone 'should I....?'

It was a nice thought.

There's really no need to feel bad! You weren't sure, so you asked the question and you've taken the answers on board.

You sound like a really nice person, and your intentions were kind and generous - it's really only the privacy aspect re. the friend that's an issue, so don't feel bad at all.

saw your update . It’s fine to ask don’t feel bad or anything you did everything wright by checking first. the point is don’t talk about Sally’s situation unless Sally will mention it herself.

Don't feel bad OP, you clearly have a kind heart and mean well.

You were unsure so got a second (or a few dozen!) opinions and now understand it would likely be unwelcome as she would feel she was being discussed with strangers. You've taken that on board and now won't do it. You dealt with it perfectly, I'd say!

Hope she is OK and I'm glad she has your friend to support her.

Yea, exactly this^
please don’t do this. Just be friendly.

I wanted reiterate what others have said and I agree with them, but just want to say that you sound like a lovely caring person.

It's a nice thought, but not necessary I don't think. You could ask your friend to pass on your best wishes to Sally, if you think friend is comfortable with you knowing her stuff.

Don't feel bad you asked we replied honestly. Your thinking of her was compassionate and kind.

Don't feel bad! It was coming from a good place, you weren't sure, so you checked what people generally would think if it were them. You haven't done anything, so no reason to feel bad!

don't feel bad.

You didn't know, you asked for help and answers gave you a different perspective and made you decide what (not) to do.

Perfect way to deal with the situation!

They are very kind intentions but at the moment it’s best to just stay out of it.
You sound really thoughtful and lovely, don’t apologise, you asked and now you can hopefully see that it’s probably a bit much after she’d been through something really traumatic. She’s reached out to a friend but probably doesn’t want everyone knowing too much of her business.

It's coming from a good place I know but it does feel a little patronising. I really wouldn't.

Agree with a pp, don't do this either @LilacCatt Terrible idea - sorry @Mnk711 Way too intrusive.

Nice thought OP but I agree that it might do more harm than good, especially if Sally felt she'd confided in your friend.

You sound like a kind person

I wouldn't do this either, it's intrusive. Just leave them alone

If I were Sally, I would hate that you had been told about me! Even if I understood that a friend might tell you, I wouldn’t want my attention brought to it.
I’d find the flowers instrusive.
Even if I thought the flowers were a nice gesture and the feeling of being intruded upon was my own issue, a note telling me I was a good person? I’d find that odd, and patronising too.
It’s not even true… just because someone is friends with someone you like, doesn’t make them a good person!

I think it's kind but weird as others have said. If you're keen to do something how about dropping round a bottle of wine or some chocolates for your friend and Sally to enjoy whilst Sally is visiting, so it's doing something nice for both of them? Though if you do that do be clear you're not doing it just to be invited round, more that you wanted them to have a nice night given the circumstances.

It's a kind thought, but don't. She's going to be vulnerable and hurting, she doesn't need a bunch of flowers and note reminding her that she's going through something that's being shared with people she's never met.