MIL took a photo of my child with a stranger

This⬆️

Your son was probably having a lovely time with the bubbles, and the woman was probably open and friendly- Children can gravitate to open friendly types-nothing wrong with that , and no need to feel jealous of it, that’s just strange.
Ask someone to take a pic of you having fun with your son.

You sound weird and insecure. And obviously have issues with your MIL.

A total non-issue really.🤷‍♀️

@Cookiemonster81
MustDust has expressed it well here, I think.
x

Agreed.

Christ almighty! Maybe she's just a bit hormonal! You might be too tbh with that response. OP had a slightly off kilter response, laughed at herself afterwards. Hysteria is helping nobody.

Bursting into tears over an innocent photo is very extreme so there must be other things going on that need addressing otherwise it's going to have an impact on your child and your relationship with your family.

Agree with this. If you brought this up with anyone other than a psychologist, I'm afraid you would sound barking bloody mad, and MIL would not think very highly of you. You clearly have some very serious self esteem issues. Please address these OP.

Total non issue. You're massively overthinking this

Well I think the issue is that you don't have any nice pics, so maybe address this. People won't assume you want them, you have to ask. I don't think you can hold this against your MIL

This sounds slightly crazy but I also have very few candid photos of myself with my kids, so I have started taking some myself. So many lovely moments happen at home, during the day, when it is just me and them with no one to take a photo.

So sometimes, if we have a really good game going and it is just so fun and lovely, or we are all snuggled up doing some activity, I just prop my phone on the side and hit record, or set a long timer for a photo. I don’t fuss over the perfect angle or whatever because it distracts from the game and makes the photos less natural.

But, doing this I capture the day to day, and some do turn out lovely - I don’t necessarily think I look great in all, but we look like we love each other and are having fun! It feels like a mad thing to do, but needs must!

You are you son’s safe space, sitting on your knee is a non-occurrence because he will do it so routinely to feel safe and centred. That’s why your MIL didn’t capture that photo. What she did capture was that your parenting has created a confident little boy, one who is happy to sit with a stranger for a few minutes. She also captured the innocence of childhood.

There are pictures of you and your son but you don’t like yourself in them. I bet if you showed that woman the photo, there will be bits she doesn’t like of herself. Everyone does. But only you see them. I bet if you show your husband or mum those pictures that you don’t like, they love them because it just shows the genuine love you have for your son. My husband has a photo of me and DC as his screensaver. It’s taken from the side and you can see the fat under my chin, the grey hairs. DH loves it though because I’m talking to DC about piglets. It’s just natural.

Ask for more photos of you and your son. He won’t care how you look in those photos but he’ll want to look back on them. And so will you.

If you don’t like any photos of yourself how about going for a hair cut and colour or buying some new clothes and or makeup to give yourself a bit of a confidence boost? Treat yourself!

It is perfectly possible to give the OP a reality check, and good advice, without giving her a kicking, though, @PrincessofWells - shouldn’t that be people’s first impulse?

Reframe your thoughts about this. Feelings come from thoughts, and no, not all thoughts are valid, ergo not all feelings are either. Are your thoughts correct or an assumption of ill intent? Is it more likely she took a nice picture of your son and thought you would like it, regardless of who else is in the picture, or that she was out to get you? I suspect the former, particularly given what you say about your self esteem.

How about saying to her that it was a lovely picture of him and would she mind taking some similar shots when you aren't expecting it. Let her know you don't want posed, awkward smiling pictures. Sure, some might look shit, but most people tend to be their own worst critic, notice every wrinkle or grey hair, when all their child sees is their mummy. If she (or others) do it often enough, you will get used to it, and get more relaxed about phones/cameras being out, and the ratio of good:poor will get better.

Exactly, no drama!!!

I recall this nice man offering to take a few pics of our family in the USA years ago - he was with his OH - as he took so many, we said join in and then we took a few of the couple, ie on their own cam - many nice ppl around

Jeezo calm doon woman.

It's not that photos don't exist with and him, I just hate them all. I feel I look hideous in them all. If I'm having a day where I feel good about myself I'll ask my husband to take a picture, but then I hate it

This is your problem @Cookiemonster81

Does everyone know that you hate photos of yourself?

I stopped showing DP photos of her and DD, and I started taking less of them, because every time I did, the response from DP would be "Oh, I look dreadful"

DD is 16 now, and a year or so ago DP expressed regret that she had so few photos of her with DD when DD was little, but that she'd taken loads of DD with me, with grandparents, with Aunties and Uncles and friends.

So I showed her the separate folder on the computer where I kept all the ones I'd taken of them together.

Her first response was "Why have you kept these hidden from me?" Her second - "Oh, I look dreadful in all of these".

She doesn't look dreadful in any of them, she just has issues around her looks, and so hides from photos or complains about them, and so people stop taking them of her.

She admits she does have pictures of them together. The issue is she doesn’t like how she looks in these photos. How that’s her mother in laws fault is anyone guess.

Tell her it made you realise that you don't have many pictures of the two of you together and please can she take some?

NEWSFLASH. You can say it in a nice way. Cop on.

Your MIL sent you a nice photo of your son. Of course she would think you’d like that.

If you are jealous because you don’t have any nice photos of you and DS, then be proactive and say you to your DH or MIL that you’d like to get some and ask if they can take a few next time you are together.

This is a you problem, not a MIL problem.

Or maybe Op needs to be told she is being totally unreasonable and blaming her mother in law for what are her own problems. And to step back and look at what effect her behaviour might be having on her mother in law and ultimately other family relationships.

So your issue is actually YOUR self esteem. I think you’ve been really unfair to your mother in law and it’s a shame.

I think this is understandable OP. Is it worth asking your DH (and maybe MIL/other family) to try to take some more candid photos of you by habit? Lots of people just, well, don't. They aren't photo people so it doesn't happen, but that doesn't mean they can learn.

Also - give yourself a break! I'm sure there's nothing wrong with the photos of you, you've just got a bit down on yourself

I expect she thought it was a nice photo of her grandchild and didn't give any thought to whatever neuroses you have going on privately. I think you're totally overreacting