To not want sex when DC is in the room?

A NINE-YEAR-OLD?!

No. I mean, really, no.

Urm absolutely not!

just wanted to say I’m sorry OP I didn’t read your post properly, I can see you told him to stop straight away.

We always get air b&b's or a caravan with 2 bedrooms for this reason when staying in the UK. Not taken our child on a holiday abroad yet but when we do I'd like to figure out a way to sleep separately as well.
It's a risk getting air B&B instead of a hotel as you never know how clean it's going to be etc... but this is literally the reason we do that instead of a hotel room for the three of us.

I had to re-read as thought you meant 9 month old but can’t believe you even let him touch you with 9 year old in room. Glad you put your foot down with sex. Absolutely nooooooooo

It's grim.

And I have to say it also says things about the man that are questionable.

I think some men get off on the fact that a child is there. It adds a thrill for them.

I used to date one man who had a child. We were in one bedroom and his sons bedroom was right beside ours.

When we were going to get intimate, I would get up to close his sons bedroom door and our bedroom door.

The man would get up and open both doors again, and say that it was fine to leave the doors open..

It was like he wanted the child to hear as he got a thrill out if it.

I left him shortly after that

That's just vile. I don't know how anyone could want to do anything sexual with a kid in the room. Ugh.

WTF, nowhere has OP said this!

Except the OP didn't say this happened?

Gross, you have to use the bathroom, or get separate rooms. This is why I never stay in hotels with the kids, it’s not a holiday in my opinion if you can’t have sex when you feel like it. Also another reason why we don’t camp.

Disgusting

Yes there have been a few threads recently where this has been discussed, including one from an OP who was traumatised by being exposed to parents sexual activity in front of her when young.

It is child abuse. It says something very worrying about OP's DH that he was comfortable wanting to do this.

Where did it say that?

Very strange 3% of voters think you were BU insisting he stops in these circs!

I'd look at it from the child's POV. How would a child of 9 feel about seeing their Dad trying to coerce their Mum into having sex? Children that age aren't stupid, they know when something is off. YANBU at all. Does your H think you were BU?

It's also bit of a concern that he's fingering you without your consent.

Honestly, we probably wouldn't have had full sex that is very hard to disguise but child sound asleep who generally doesn't wake. We may have 'pleasured' each other under the quilt.

Nope. No need for that at all. Sure he’s not that bloody desperate for sex.

As our society today it is a form of CSA, honestly how fucked up is it to actually have sex beside a child of that age. 🤢.

Hence the numerous threads looking for the two bedrooms hotel room. Why couldn't ye go in the bathroom and lock the door like normal people, share a shower etc. I don't care if for millennia others did we have advanced a bit since then.

9 years old??

It's very concerning that you need to ask this question OP.

I thought you were going to say 9 month old, in which case I was going to say I’d crack on. But 9 years? Yikes. No.

It's against the law to have sexual activity in front of a child.

It's illegal.

It does come under the definition of child abuse.

The way to look at it is: if you were the child in that room, how would you feel if you woke up and heard that in the same room.

You were absolutely right to stop it.

YANBU and I'm pretty sure pp is right that it constitutes CSA (also would struggle not to find my DH pretty repulsive after this).

Plenty of people have sex with a sleeping child in the same room. Lots of children have been conceived all over the world in these circumstances. But nobody is being unreasonable not wanting sex for whatever reason. We all have the right over our own bodies.

Yeah, I wouldn't like that at all. I have done it when DC were tiny babies and sharing a room with us, but not with a 9 year old!

This, though, is one of the reasons we always book holidays where we can have separate rooms from the kids!