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Original poster

Baby shower blues

40 replies

UromasyxMum · 07/06/2024 09:58

I am 36 years old and 37 weeks pregnant (first time), and had a pretty difficult pregnancy with Hyperemesis, hypertension, a stressful job and a house move.

About 2 months ago my two best friends messaged me and asked for a list of names so they could organise me a baby shower. I hadn’t been expecting anything like that, but was really happy they had offered. With the house move and saving for maternity leave I explained I don’t have a lot of money, but would help where I can. I’ve organised a few before for friends and know how it can be a herding cats/costly type situation sometimes! I gave them some weekends I knew I was free, and basically said I wasn’t bothered about anything fancy, I just wanted to see everyone before I became a Mum, and do something to mark the occasion.

They both have busy lives with families of their own, and they said that if they couldn’t get everyone together, then the three of us would go out for afternoon tea closer to my due date. Which I was again more than happy about.

Anyway, fast forward to now. Ive just finished work and I’m on my first week of maternity leave, and I have been in and out of hospital due to the pregnancy induced hypertension. I’ve still been trying to get out and about and enjoy my last few weeks of being able to do this. However, I haven’t heard anything about a baby shower, or a get together since they asked for names. This weekend (as in tomorrow is Saturday) is the last of the possible dates I have them, and I’ve not been told about anything (not even in a secretive “it’s a surprise” way).

They haven’t mentioned a thing to me. I saw one of them yesterday (Thursday), and I had made plans to see one of them today (Friday), but unfortunately I’ve had to cancel due to another appointment being moved. I’ve now rescheduled with her for Sunday - which is the last date I gave them to have the baby shower.

Truth is, I am sad that nothing has been organised. I asked my Mum if she had been contacted about a baby shower and she told me she hadn’t heard anything. I really don’t want to ask them, as I am pretty sure nothing has been arranged and I know I will be gutted if that’s the case. Am I being unreasonable to be so upset? I never thought I’d have one in the first place, so it’s not like I’m missing out on something I expected I was going to get. I just think my hopes were kind of raised about having one, and now I’m in a situation where I don’t want to make things awkward by asking about it and seeming ungrateful.

Just wanting a sense check!

OP posts:
LunaBunaD · 07/06/2024 11:23

AnneLovesGilbert · 07/06/2024 10:08

You won’t forever regret it, loads of women don’t have one. But if you want to do something arrange an afternoon tea with your mum and tell your friends as you haven’t heard anything about a shower they’re welcome to join you and your mum and you need to know by the end of the day.

The only reason I said OP will forever regret it is she is literally saying how sad she is that nothing is organised after she was excited thinking they were organising something. So she will likely always resent them not organising it and her missing out on something she clearly wants. I am not saying all women have to have them, I didn't have one for either of mine. That's not what I meant. But OP clearly wants one and is sad about the situation.

Chanelbasketballandchain · 07/06/2024 11:21

Sleepingonamansionroof · 07/06/2024 11:07

Generations of women have managed without a baby shower. They are grabby and indulgent.

Show quote history

Generations of women have managed without pain relief either, and without any rights.

Let's all try to be as miserable and bitter as we can shall we? God forbids women enjoy a bit of harmless fun.

SpringerFall · 07/06/2024 11:19

Why not just organise it your self?

LunaBunaD · 07/06/2024 11:19

Sleepingonamansionroof · 07/06/2024 11:07

Generations of women have managed without a baby shower. They are grabby and indulgent.

Show quote history

Why be so rude? The OP clearly wants one, so therefore she should just organise a last min one so she doesn't regret it. I didnt have one for either of mine so I clearly am not bothered about them, however OP is and really wanted one after her friends were apparently organising one.

Luxell934 · 07/06/2024 11:17

Do they have kids? Did you organise and pay for their baby showers?

Itneverrainsinsocal · 07/06/2024 11:16

Aw this is disappointing! I'd maybe message them and say "hey, I know we discussed a little baby shower for me a while ago. just wondered if you guys were still up for getting together? would love to see you both before baby comes, just a small afternoon tea somewhere local would be lovely... let me know what you think!"

if they reply and say they can't make it / haven't arranged anything... just be ok with it and maybe book something with your mum like a spa day or nice lunch.

did you go to their baby showers / organise things for them?

its so disappointing when you feel that your closest friends haven't made an effort! but there is never much to be gained from acting pissed off about it.... I'd just make sure you book something for yourself / your mum as a treat! and give them a bit of a cold shoulder for a bit lol x

cadburyegg · 07/06/2024 11:10

That's crappy of them OP. Sorry. They should never have offered if they weren't going to follow through with it.

Bellaboo01 · 07/06/2024 11:08

Can you message them and say - i know you wanted to arange a baby shower for me and asked for names etc. Just wondered if you managed it as obvs i am due soon?

Or you could contact one of the people that you sent them on your list and ask if they have had any invite for a baby shower.

I never had or wanted one tbh but, i understand that other people do like them XX

Sleepingonamansionroof · 07/06/2024 11:07

LunaBunaD · 07/06/2024 10:05

Organise a last minute one yourself! Just contact the people you want there and make it happen! You'll forever regret it otherwise. But yeah it's ridiculous of them unless there's a surprise pending, but I would absolutely have mentioned it to them to see what the plan was.

Generations of women have managed without a baby shower. They are grabby and indulgent.

DappledThings · 07/06/2024 11:04

If you want an afternoon tea either those two just call them and organise it. Don't call it a baby shower, just see if they are free

TorturedPoetsDepartmentAnthology · 07/06/2024 11:01

Absolutely arrange it yourself! Don’t need to call it a baby shower but throw yourself a pre-baby gathering. 😊

Londonrach1 · 07/06/2024 10:12

I don't know anyone who has them around here. I certainly didn't nor my sister or any of my mum friends. If you want one just organize one quickly but honestly you won't regret having one. I think you more upset it was mentioned and you got excited by it. Maybe meet a few friends for lunch somewhere..just a coffee shop or pub...

GeckoFeet · 07/06/2024 10:11

Could it have been arranged for last night or tonight and you've just cancelled them?

Arrange it yourself though. Just make a WhatsApp group add everyone in and just say lets see eachother before baby arrives.

AnneLovesGilbert · 07/06/2024 10:08

You won’t forever regret it, loads of women don’t have one. But if you want to do something arrange an afternoon tea with your mum and tell your friends as you haven’t heard anything about a shower they’re welcome to join you and your mum and you need to know by the end of the day.

LunaBunaD · 07/06/2024 10:05

Organise a last minute one yourself! Just contact the people you want there and make it happen! You'll forever regret it otherwise. But yeah it's ridiculous of them unless there's a surprise pending, but I would absolutely have mentioned it to them to see what the plan was.