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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

So confused my partner lives with me but won’t work …

158 replies

ShyLionesss · 07/06/2024 04:27

my partner or should I say boyfriend lives with me well we live together, he does not work and has not for the whole time I been with him , .. I provide 95% of everything,, I Keep him in clothes, food ,scents , plus I have provided our 5 months old with everything ! I mean everything even the furniture for her bedroom pram clothes food milk , he has only got her 2 tins of milk :(( he does old jobs for his family abd gets paid bits here and there, I even get his family Xmas and bday gifts each year,, I just can’t take no more but I feel guilty for some reason,, he didn’t even rub my feet or back while being pregnant, not even a bunch of flowers after having baby lol ,, I’m a fool ??

OP posts:
BouncyMelons · 07/06/2024 06:10

Mummadeze · 07/06/2024 05:42

My partner had expectations of not working very much at the start of our relationship. He was with someone before who was supporting him. He didn’t have a career and just dabbled in things. I made it clear he had to contribute a certain amount per week, even though I am the breadwinner because I would have been resentful otherwise. He wasn’t really that happy about it, but has worked and contributed to our household for 20 years now in a minimum wage type job. However, he still resents me for asking for this contribution and will throw it at me during an argument. Our relationship is pretty rubbish, I think he would have been nicer to live with if I let him live how you are. So basically, I am also warning you to get out of your relationship as you can’t win. You either support him as you are now or you enforce a more equal partnership but get lumbered with a resentful partner. These entitled men don’t change in my experience. Best of luck.

Omg he has audacity to blame you for having to work ?
Where all these entitled men who just want to leech off hard working women came from ?

Sorry you have such a rubbish man :(

Whitesky75 · 07/06/2024 06:09

A lot of women live like your boyfriend.

At least he doesn’t but you presents with your own money!

AmIbeingTreasonable · 07/06/2024 06:06

There's no confusion here, you have a cocklodger, a leech, a parasite. Why on earth did you procreate with this person? Get rid before he drains you even more.

Alwaysalwayscold · 07/06/2024 06:06

Of course you're a fool. But now you've realised that you'll be a double fool to continue.

BouncyMelons · 07/06/2024 06:04

oh gosh yess you are a fool , get rid of him

You could be spending this money on yourself and your baby , why are you funding grown man's life ?

Justcallmebebes · 07/06/2024 06:03

Well if you lie down and let people walk all over you, they will

MrsBungle · 07/06/2024 06:03

eurgh! How do people end up picking partners like this? What’s the attraction? And to have a child with them! Madness.

Quitelikeit · 07/06/2024 06:02

What an appalling role model for your child.

He is a selfish, lazy entitled pathetic excuse of a man.

Why on earth would you date someone without a job? Let alone allow them to move in!

whyhavetheygotsomany · 07/06/2024 06:01

Yes you most definitely are

Calamitousness · 07/06/2024 06:00

I voted YABU as in you are being massively unreasonable letting him live off you like this. Why are you buying everything and for his family!! God no.

SheepAndSword · 07/06/2024 05:57

Just get rid of him and say you're not funding him anymore.

Itsallok · 07/06/2024 05:56

I call not real post. Or yes, I call you a gold-plated idiot. He showed you his true self and you thought it was a good idea to produce a child with this waste of space. Good enough for the Daily Mail now?

minou123 · 07/06/2024 05:53

Does he have a gold plated penis?

That's the only reason why I'd stay with him 🤷‍♀️

SpringerFall · 07/06/2024 05:43

What is there to think about?

Mummadeze · 07/06/2024 05:42

My partner had expectations of not working very much at the start of our relationship. He was with someone before who was supporting him. He didn’t have a career and just dabbled in things. I made it clear he had to contribute a certain amount per week, even though I am the breadwinner because I would have been resentful otherwise. He wasn’t really that happy about it, but has worked and contributed to our household for 20 years now in a minimum wage type job. However, he still resents me for asking for this contribution and will throw it at me during an argument. Our relationship is pretty rubbish, I think he would have been nicer to live with if I let him live how you are. So basically, I am also warning you to get out of your relationship as you can’t win. You either support him as you are now or you enforce a more equal partnership but get lumbered with a resentful partner. These entitled men don’t change in my experience. Best of luck.

Shoxfordian · 07/06/2024 05:32

Stop being a mug

Sweden99 · 07/06/2024 05:32

This makes no sense. It is utterly bizarre.

TellMeWhoTheVillainsAre · 07/06/2024 05:29

What are you confused about?

Aussieland · 07/06/2024 05:20

And yes, leave. Feel zero guilt. If he wanted to be a partner or father he would behave like it so this is his choice to not. You are both giving a shit example to your child of what relationships and parenting is about

thelengthspeoplegoto · 07/06/2024 05:12

Sounds like you have very low self esteem. He's got it cushy.

Aussieland · 07/06/2024 05:10

Tbh this is on both of you. Him for bringing nothing to the relationship, you for having such low expectations, being a mug and getting pregnant. Why is he still there and why have you not had some sort of conversation about this before he moved in

ControlShiftDelete · 07/06/2024 05:08

HappyHolidai · 07/06/2024 04:28

Lucky him! Hope he has amazing other qualities...

Wondering the same thing. Does he look after dc full time?

DracoDormiensNumquamTittilandum · 07/06/2024 05:01

Yes. You're behaving like a mug. Why?

SinnerBoy · 07/06/2024 04:59

You are a fool, I agree! He's a parasite, nothing more than a sperm donor. At least a tapeworm hasn't got a brain to realise what it is, unlike him!

BuggeryBumFlaps · 07/06/2024 04:56

Why would you find this person attractive enough to have kids with.