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Original poster

So confused my partner lives with me but won’t work …

158 replies

ShyLionesss · 07/06/2024 04:27

my partner or should I say boyfriend lives with me well we live together, he does not work and has not for the whole time I been with him , .. I provide 95% of everything,, I Keep him in clothes, food ,scents , plus I have provided our 5 months old with everything ! I mean everything even the furniture for her bedroom pram clothes food milk , he has only got her 2 tins of milk :(( he does old jobs for his family abd gets paid bits here and there, I even get his family Xmas and bday gifts each year,, I just can’t take no more but I feel guilty for some reason,, he didn’t even rub my feet or back while being pregnant, not even a bunch of flowers after having baby lol ,, I’m a fool ??

OP posts:
Tiddlywinkly · 07/06/2024 07:24

Are you on maternity leave op? What's the plan for when you return to work?

DancefloorAcrobatics · 07/06/2024 07:23

Toy Boys can be expensive.

notanothernana · 07/06/2024 07:18

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Upinthenightagain · 07/06/2024 07:15

that’s not a boyfriend or a partner. It’s a man child. Yes you’re a fool

Penguinsmum · 07/06/2024 07:15

Sorry to be harsh but yes you are a fool!

Newestname002 · 07/06/2024 07:13

@ShyLionesss

,, I’m a fool ??

OP, if you're asking this question then you surely know the answer.

Ask yourself a couple more questions:

  1. "Am I really not worth more than this?"
  1. "Am I really prepared to put up with a lazy cocklodger, and set such a bad example of relationships and responsibilities to my child, by staying with such a worthless man?"

Get him gone. Do one more thing for him and pack his bags. Don't listen when he says he has nowhere to go - he'll find someone else to scrounge off.

Then change your locks - for your own peace of mind, don't rely on the possibility he doesn't have a second set so he can let himself into your home when he feels like it.

And use this episode in your life to raise your bar, because you ARE worthy of more than this. 🌹

BibbleandSqwauk · 07/06/2024 07:05

Mummadeze · 07/06/2024 05:42

My partner had expectations of not working very much at the start of our relationship. He was with someone before who was supporting him. He didn’t have a career and just dabbled in things. I made it clear he had to contribute a certain amount per week, even though I am the breadwinner because I would have been resentful otherwise. He wasn’t really that happy about it, but has worked and contributed to our household for 20 years now in a minimum wage type job. However, he still resents me for asking for this contribution and will throw it at me during an argument. Our relationship is pretty rubbish, I think he would have been nicer to live with if I let him live how you are. So basically, I am also warning you to get out of your relationship as you can’t win. You either support him as you are now or you enforce a more equal partnership but get lumbered with a resentful partner. These entitled men don’t change in my experience. Best of luck.

Surely the third option is to leave the relationship? You write as though that wasn't possible or even occurred to you.

determinedtomakethiswork · 07/06/2024 07:04

Why on earth are you living like that? Why would you have a child with someone who doesn't work? Why do you let him live with you and the child without paying a penny? No man is worth that.

festivallove · 07/06/2024 07:03

Of course this is real

ByCupidStunt · 07/06/2024 07:03

What are you confused about?

Momstermunch · 07/06/2024 07:01

So does he look after the baby while you work?

ManilowBarry · 07/06/2024 06:59

He's a good for nothing lazy sponger.

Why man doesn't want to provide for family? Aim to buy a bigger and nicer house? Travel to holiday destinations? All the many things a man would be proud of achieving.

The only thing he is achieving every day is waking up!

It would be cheaper to have a cat!

Boot Mr LazyArse out asap.

DisgruntledPelican · 07/06/2024 06:58

Does he fuck like a champion or something? I can’t even imagine dating someone who didn’t work for no obvious reason.

ApolloandDaphne · 07/06/2024 06:55

He sounds like a keeper.

CaptainHaddocksPychotherapist · 07/06/2024 06:47

This must be a wind-up post

Ohmy88 · 07/06/2024 06:42

ShyLionesss · 07/06/2024 04:27

my partner or should I say boyfriend lives with me well we live together, he does not work and has not for the whole time I been with him , .. I provide 95% of everything,, I Keep him in clothes, food ,scents , plus I have provided our 5 months old with everything ! I mean everything even the furniture for her bedroom pram clothes food milk , he has only got her 2 tins of milk :(( he does old jobs for his family abd gets paid bits here and there, I even get his family Xmas and bday gifts each year,, I just can’t take no more but I feel guilty for some reason,, he didn’t even rub my feet or back while being pregnant, not even a bunch of flowers after having baby lol ,, I’m a fool ??

Need you even ask 🤷🏼‍♀️

Azerothi · 07/06/2024 06:41

Was he like this before you chose to have a baby with him? Or did he become like this after you got pregnant?

Either way seeing as you asked.

Yes. You are a fool on many levels.

GalacticalFarce · 07/06/2024 06:36

I'm sorry op but he's really selfish and will never care about you or his child. He only wants his needs met.
I doubt he'll step up and provide for his family but you could try to give him an ultimatum.
Probably better to get him out of the house and he can co parent separately

MrsToothyBitch · 07/06/2024 06:34

I think this man is very lazy and selfish. May I ask how you got together/what attracted you in the first place? What has he really contributed for his daughter other than sperm? Does he do any child care or anything at home at all? It sounds like you're doing it all and I agree with a Pp - I wouldn't be at all surprised if once any mat pay runs dry, he'll simply exhort you to go back to work rather than look at what he himself can do to contribute. He may try to claim he'll be a SAHP but only you know whether you think he'd actually do any housework or how he'd cope with the baby.

I know you haven't quite asked this but I think you need to sling him out before your child is old enough to follow the example he sets in his treatment of you. The treatment being to bleed you dry and to take without giving - and you just take it.

If you do split however, how would you feel about your Dd visiting him and would he contribute towards her at all? It might be the only way to get him to do it. Would he bother with her? Single parenthood can be very tough but I've seen plenty of posts here from people who are much happier without their exes as it's still one less child to look after.

Meadowfinch · 07/06/2024 06:31

He's a free loading cocklodger who is going to claim to be primary carer for your child, and demand you keep him. He'll do as little as possible , offload your child on to his long suffering mum, expect you to do all the house work and bleed you dry for the next 18 years.

For God's sake kick him out before you go back to work.

Where is your self respect?

Sweden99 · 07/06/2024 06:15

@Mummadeze How did you meet a man like that? May I ask why you were interested in a relationship with him? (sorry to be nosey).

HeadacheEarthquake · 07/06/2024 06:15

This is satire, right?

PBandJ111 · 07/06/2024 06:15

if you can’t see the absurdity of the situation, more fool you.

Bananalanacake · 07/06/2024 06:14

Well you won't have to pay expensive nursery fees as your bf is at home to look after your child all day, hope he also does most of the housework and cooking as he has more time than you.

MrsElijahMikaelson1 · 07/06/2024 06:11

Have put YABU because what the actual fuck are you doing? Why are your standards so low. Chuck the lazy fucker out.