So confused my partner lives with me but won’t work …

Is he claiming UC @ShyLionesss?

Don't think OP has been back, so...

At least if he had gold plated tackle, she could make some money out of him by putting him on some Channel 4 freak show!

I don't know... that sounds uncomfortable

Dump him today. Leave his stuff outside. Change the locks.

To be fair, I wouldn't work if someone paid for all my things and I could stay home all day faffing and doing my own thing.

Why did you have a baby with this man? Why did you let him move in when he didn’t have a job and couldn’t support you?

Ask him to move out. He needs to get a job and pay child maintenance towards his child. Contact the Child Maintenance Service to ask for help.

Do not allow any other future man to move in with you; with a young baby you are very vulnerable to being targeted by a man who might want to abuse your child.

I am confused - why are you confused. It's clear as day what is going on. Do you really need MN to spell it out?

I'm sure there are plenty of people without ambition but the op clearly does have along with a string work ethic, so being with a man who doesn't is a clear unbalance in this relationship.
She's already feeling neglected, pressured and confused. This won't get better.

To be honest, I think not getting your back or feet rubbed, during pregnancy, is the least of your worries.

What are you getting out of this relationship?🤔

What the fuck is going wrong that women don’t KNOW this is unacceptable?

We’re not talking about someone changing here - this is a man who has been the same from the start. How it even got to him moving in is beyond me.

Where's this man's work ethic and desire to provide for his family? Why does he have no ambition?

Again though, we don't expect all women to have a desire to "provide for their family" financially.

We definitely don't expect all women to have "ambition"!

This guy clearly is a cocklodger but there are some pretty outdated views on here.

@Pin0cchioit's not often the same.
Women will stay at home and look after children well, do all the housework and family admin and so on.

Plenty of men are capable of doing this too. My dad's always been great at cleaning, my DH does a lot of the family admin and is fantastic with our DC.

Plenty of women are lazy as sahp and use it a reason to not work. Being workshy isn't limited to men

This has to be a wind up!

I get that but playing devils advocate. Why do we assume a woman will be a useful, contributing SAHP, as opposed to assuming shes workshy?

I know loads of women who avoided getting any meaningful sort of job before children, then got pregnant relatively young by the first man who came along and never had any expectation whatsoever of a career.

I think as a society we still regard it as more reasonable for women to not woh than men.

@Pin0cchio it's not often the same.
Women will stay at home and look after children well, do all the housework and family admin and so on.
Many women are doing all that and working.
If a woman was doing nothing then she'd get told to stop being so lazy or get some help for depression or something.

Where's this man's work ethic and desire to provide for his family? Why does he have no ambition?
It sounds suffocating and a depressing way to live.

I sympathise, OP. Your set up doesn't sound good

But @Pin0cchionailed it. This is MN land, where SAHM shouldn't be expected to do any chores as their day is taken up with looking after the baby. But that's not acceptable when it's the Dad who's at home

Ten fifteen years ago, maybe.
That has changed, there is a lot less of that and I think women on MN often get a hard time unless they are the perfect victim.

Bullshit, what you are referring to is SAHP and he has been doing this before they had DC. If the agreement was OP would work, they had DC and he would be the SAHP then fine.

But that is not what is going on here is it.

Thing is?

Swap the sexes and you have a hell of lot of women who expect to live like this.

We could tell op to stop fucking feeding him/giving him access to money.

If it was a woman however, and a man tried to push them to work by cutting them off financially, everyone on here would say it was financial abuse.

Oh FFS

Won’t work? What do you mean won’t.

I’m prepared to have a guess though that I bet he always has money for weed / beer?

@BibbleandSqwauk you would think, wouldn’t you. But it didn’t occur to me to leave when I was young with very low self esteem. I was in love and wanted it to work. My reasons for not leaving now are more complicated. There is a lot of guilt, combined with worry. But this isn’t about me. I was just trying to tell her that even if she gets him to pull his weight, he will probably resent her for it. It is better to be with someone who willingly wants to work and be a supportive partner than trying to mould one who doesn’t!

I voted YABU, he didn’t have work when you got together, he hasn’t had a proper job the whole time you’ve been with him, you let him move in knowing he can’t contribute and you then went on to have a child with him whilst he’s no way of helping financially support the baby. So to answer your question yes you are a fool so are you going to do something to change that?

Wow. You want to get a ring on his finger before you lose him.

Definitely stay as you are. Make sure you have wraparound baby care when you go back to work soon, so you don't have to bother him with babysitting. Oh, and get married so he's secure xx