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Original poster

So confused my partner lives with me but won’t work …

158 replies

ShyLionesss · 07/06/2024 04:27

my partner or should I say boyfriend lives with me well we live together, he does not work and has not for the whole time I been with him , .. I provide 95% of everything,, I Keep him in clothes, food ,scents , plus I have provided our 5 months old with everything ! I mean everything even the furniture for her bedroom pram clothes food milk , he has only got her 2 tins of milk :(( he does old jobs for his family abd gets paid bits here and there, I even get his family Xmas and bday gifts each year,, I just can’t take no more but I feel guilty for some reason,, he didn’t even rub my feet or back while being pregnant, not even a bunch of flowers after having baby lol ,, I’m a fool ??

OP posts:
MaidOfBondStreet · 08/06/2024 08:11

I can't quite believe this post, sorry. Story keeps updating to make OP sound worse

WiddlinDiddlin · 08/06/2024 04:36

Sort your stuff out, finances, housing etc etc.

Ask him to leave, supply this request in writing.

If he refuses, go to court to get him evicted, once you have an eviction order you can get help to get him out.

Quicker alternative assuming he has no legal right to stay is to find family/friends to help 'encourage' him out, but obviously not everyone has that option.

Or... up and leave yourself.

Start making plans now, nothing can happen until you do.

therealcookiemonster · 08/06/2024 04:19

@ShyLionesss the only solution is to kick him out. now. today. change the locks while he is out. leave his stuff outside the door
NEVER let him back in
you will get more in benefits without him
apply for child maintainance through cms once he starts working

there is no easy way to do this which makes you feel good. it's always going to feel shot because he has boiled you slowly. maybe a year after you kick him out you will realise how shit your life with him was. waiting will only make it harder.

and do it for your child. the money you are spending on this moron is money you could have saved for your child or used to buy something your child needs. every penny you spend on the man is depriving your child.

OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon · 08/06/2024 00:46

Oh for goodness sake ! Why did you let him move in with you ?
and he already had children - how does / did he provide for them ?!!!

Find your bar and raise it off the floor !

Is the sex fantastic

and I suppose he spends his day cleaning / cooking / ironing / gardening / diy

alongside caring for his baby with you

Aussieland · 08/06/2024 00:38

Of course he doesn't do anything if you keep giving him another chance. Why would he have any incentive to do this for you if you demonstrate you will stay with him anyway? I mean any decent partner/father/adult should WANT to contribute something to the household but you are really not setting boundaries and sticking to them. If he was a toddler and every time you said "no chocolate" and then gave him chocolate after 10 minutes do you think he would get the message that chocolate is not allowed or that if he just asks again you will give him chocolate?

Original poster
ShyLionesss · 08/06/2024 00:22

Been with him for 9 years … he did work … then stopped I was in love and didn’t see this was how it was gonna be … you just put up with it until you start to wake up like me ..now .. then the feelings of … am I thinking the right way,, I feel guilty… then angry .. then confused .. not in that order

OP posts:
Original poster
ShyLionesss · 08/06/2024 00:19

coming on here just seeing the support and advice means alot as I don’t feel so crazy in my way of thinking as I always though I was thinking wrong ? Maybe guilt

OP posts:
PerfectTravelTote · 08/06/2024 00:18

"I’m a fool ??"

Yes.

Original poster
ShyLionesss · 08/06/2024 00:16

I gave him time after time ,,deadlines… always an excuse

OP posts:
Niegenug · 07/06/2024 23:12

Why do you feel guilty? He's the one one that should be guilty for being such a lazy good for nothing parasite living off you

You do not need him. You are capable of providing for yourself and the baby alone as you have already demonstrated. So make life a lot easier and cheaper and throw him out and change the locks.

redastherose · 07/06/2024 23:10

You're getting nothing out of this relationship, you shouldn't feel guilty at all. I think you need to tell him you've had enough and he needs to leave or get a job and contribute.

You could give him a month so he has time to show you he means to change and if there is no job at the end of the month then you'll know you've been fair and reasonable and it will help with the guilt.

But if you've had enough right now telling him to sling his hook now is right too.

SheepAndSword · 07/06/2024 23:04

@ShyLionesss does he get UC?

It's not his choice, stop funding him. He pays or he goes. That simple.

Tell him you're not subsidising him any longer. He'll probably find someone else to latch on to.

Original poster
ShyLionesss · 07/06/2024 23:04

I know what I have to do but I freeze , thank you all so so much for your advice it was what I was thinking without the bad names .. lol see I can’t even think of bad stuff to say to him as I feel guilty just keep doubting myself x

OP posts:
Original poster
ShyLionesss · 07/06/2024 23:01

I didn’t plan a baby I have a grown son of 23 years old , I thought it was the menopause!!

OP posts:
Original poster
ShyLionesss · 07/06/2024 23:00

He won’t work as he said he done enough work with his ex and there kids, I keep hoping that he might just might change but I think he won’t I just feel I failed and I don’t want to hurt no one I’m not a hurtful person :(( I’m just lost

OP posts:
somethingwickedlivesnextdoor · 07/06/2024 17:17

Get rid of him. He's a useless cocklodger. Your life will be so much nicer without him!

(Why did you think he'd be a good choice as a partner or father to your baby?!)

Emptyheadlock · 07/06/2024 15:48

You're a massive fool. And an even bigger mug.

steff13 · 07/06/2024 15:46

He's lazy and you're willingly supporting him. What is there to be confused about?

HaudYerWheeshtYaWeeBellend · 07/06/2024 15:45

Im not going to comment if you’re a fool or not, knowing this isn’t going to change your past with this man.

You can change your future, he isn’t going to change and only you can do that told you and your daughter.

Bananalanacake · 07/06/2024 15:40

What's so confusing about your partner being a lazy bastard.
How long were you together when he moved in?
Bet it was his idea so he could sponge off you.
I am also the type to refuse a date with a man who doesn't work

ConsuelaHammock · 07/06/2024 12:52

I agree with you . You are a fool and he knows it.

HeadacheEarthquake · 07/06/2024 12:52

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Naunet · 07/06/2024 12:51

Pin0cchio · 07/06/2024 08:11

Thing is?

Swap the sexes and you have a hell of lot of women who expect to live like this.

We could tell op to stop fucking feeding him/giving him access to money.

If it was a woman however, and a man tried to push them to work by cutting them off financially, everyone on here would say it was financial abuse.

Utter bloody rubbish. Who are all these women expecting their boyfriends to pay for everything whilst they don’t work and aren’t a SAHM? You’re also very confident about what women would tell this mythical man so I assume you have evidence of such threads? This man has not been a SAHD, and seeing is OP is likely on maternity leave, he’s not one now either, so please, do tell us more about these childless women who are fully supported on here in not working and having a man pay for everything.

SamW98 · 07/06/2024 12:43

What are you confused about? Its pretty clear he’s a freeloading cocklodger taking the piss out of you

His dick must be made of 22 carat cold and ejaculate diamonds for you to tolerate this ponce

Naunet · 07/06/2024 12:40

Mummadeze · 07/06/2024 05:42

My partner had expectations of not working very much at the start of our relationship. He was with someone before who was supporting him. He didn’t have a career and just dabbled in things. I made it clear he had to contribute a certain amount per week, even though I am the breadwinner because I would have been resentful otherwise. He wasn’t really that happy about it, but has worked and contributed to our household for 20 years now in a minimum wage type job. However, he still resents me for asking for this contribution and will throw it at me during an argument. Our relationship is pretty rubbish, I think he would have been nicer to live with if I let him live how you are. So basically, I am also warning you to get out of your relationship as you can’t win. You either support him as you are now or you enforce a more equal partnership but get lumbered with a resentful partner. These entitled men don’t change in my experience. Best of luck.

Why on earth does he feel it’s unfair that as a grown man, he has to contribute towards his own costs?! The nerve he has to throw it in your face as if your his mum and hes 8 years old being forced to clean chimneys! I don’t know how you can stand him.