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AIBU?

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Original poster

For saying no?

91 replies

Sporttty · 06/06/2024 21:28

My parents go away for 2 weeks next week, I have a 2y 8mo and a 2.5 month old who I’m ebf.

My mum has just asked could our eldest child sleep over before they go away

I’ve said no. It’s very kind and nice which I’ve explained but I don’t want to send one kid out and not together just as right now our older child is a bit upset being separated and is noticing a lot when I’m with the baby and getting upset. They’re completely adjusting to life with a new baby sibling.

my mum is now being very short with me and making digs about not being able to baby sit our youngest as I’m breastfeeding

Am I a dickhead for saying no?

OP posts:
Original poster
Sporttty · 06/06/2024 22:19

I’m a bit unsure what people mean? More to the story?

I’ve said no as I am very aware our new baby is with me most of the time as I’m the only one who can feed etc, I care about how my eldest feels and I said no not as I’m not ever , just not yet.

my mum said she would mind the 2 but then threw digs about me ‘still’ breastfeeding in. So I don’t think she wouldn’t have 2

There’s nothing deep to it, I don’t want my eldest thinking mummy and daddy are at home with the new baby giving them attention. I want her to know she’s still so very important to us and gets our attention too

might be feeling sensitive but I just want her to feel ok :)

OP posts:
beckybarefoot · 06/06/2024 22:16

stonedaisy · 06/06/2024 22:11

You're not a dickhead but wouldnt you be grateful for the help and wouldnt it be nice for the elder child?
Whats the real reason for saying no?

i do feel theres a little bit more to this story too

Anon1274 · 06/06/2024 22:16

If she’s going to get upset then obviously you’re not being unreasonable. Your mum shouldn’t be putting her wishes above your child’s wellbeing. But saying that it may have the opposite affect of what you’re expecting. She’ll have an entire night with nanny having all of the attention for herself. If she’s willing to go could you trust your mum to let you know if she asks to come back home?

lemonmeringueno3 · 06/06/2024 22:14

Well your mum will be irritated because you've implied that she'd need to take both of them, but you're ages away from that.

I'd have thought it would be nice for dd to get some undivided attention and for you to be able to focus exclusively on baby.

But your choice of course.

beckybarefoot · 06/06/2024 22:14

perhaps the offer has been made to give you some help, taking the older GC might show them that its ok to not be following mummy around all day? it might also make them feel special that they get to go to grandma's house and the baby stays at home?

but at the end of the day, they are your children and any decision you make is the right one and your mum should also accept this

stonedaisy · 06/06/2024 22:11

You're not a dickhead but wouldnt you be grateful for the help and wouldnt it be nice for the elder child?
Whats the real reason for saying no?

BIossomtoes · 06/06/2024 22:07

Moonpie6 · 06/06/2024 22:01

Sorry if this is bit thick but how have you got an 8 month old and a 2.5 month old???

2.8 year old.

Moonpie6 · 06/06/2024 22:01

Sorry if this is bit thick but how have you got an 8 month old and a 2.5 month old???

Spirallingdownwards · 06/06/2024 21:37

Ask the child? Maybe spin it as special big girl sleepover with Nanny and Grandad that babies can't do. And rope your mum in to going down that route so she feels it's special.

BIossomtoes · 06/06/2024 21:35

Sporttty · 06/06/2024 21:34

She has stayed in all of her nearly 3 years of life around 5-10 times! I don’t have a problem with it overall it’s just as she’s adjusting still and I’ve noticed has been upset if I go up alone to change baby nappy etc so she wants to be with me all the time which I completely get so she is

but the last time she stayed was when I had the baby, so I’m wondering if she goes alone now while feeling like this If it could put a negative spin on Nan and grandad (1) house?

Have you explained that to your mum?

Tristar15 · 06/06/2024 21:34

I would have asked if they wanted to or not before saying no straight away. Your child might have enjoyed having attention from grandparents. And if you’re saying you don’t want to send one without the other then you’re years away from that as your youngest is so young. Don’t expect them to pick up overnights when it suits you.

Original poster
Sporttty · 06/06/2024 21:34

She has stayed in all of her nearly 3 years of life around 5-10 times! I don’t have a problem with it overall it’s just as she’s adjusting still and I’ve noticed has been upset if I go up alone to change baby nappy etc so she wants to be with me all the time which I completely get so she is

but the last time she stayed was when I had the baby, so I’m wondering if she goes alone now while feeling like this If it could put a negative spin on Nan and grandad (1) house?

OP posts:
AnneLovesGilbert · 06/06/2024 21:32

Of course you’re not a dickhead! You’re doing what you think is best for your child. She should respect that and put it above her own wishes.

Alwaystired2023 · 06/06/2024 21:32

No of course not and you don't need to justify your decision. They are your children and you are all having a big adjustment. Your mum is being unreasonable for being in a huff about it, not exactly supportive

2Old2Tango · 06/06/2024 21:32

No you're not being a dickhead OP. The older sibling sometimes takes time to adjust to there being a new baby, and can feel pushed out, so I can understand not wanting to send them to grandmas overnight. Your mum needs to get over herself and stop making you feel guilty.

MummyCushion · 06/06/2024 21:30

Is the oldest child used to staying over St the GP's house? Does she like going?