For saying no?

I can't see if you've actually asked your toddler? Surely that's a big piece of the puzzle? She might love getting some one on one attention from her grandparents to make her feel a bit special.

I’d ask your toddler, see how they feel. It may be a good opportunity for them to be indulged, because managing a toddler and tiny baby is a real juggle and it is hard to give the toddler attention. It’s a phase, but in this phase, maybe your toddler would enjoy the undivided attention from grandparents?

I can see why you would and wouldn’t send her, the break would be nice and she’d get some 1:1 or 1:2 grandparent time and that’s so special if they have a good relationship. I think if you frame it as a special treat then it wouldn’t be negative. I wish I had grandparents nearby offering help!

But I can also see you want to keep her close and not have her feel pushed away and out of the house. Has to feel right for you, if the timing is wrong then don’t do it.

Ask your toddler what she thinks and take it from there. It's easy to feel overprotective or concerned when a new baby arrives. X

Re breastfeeding: well-done! Keep going.

It's totally up to you - your child your choice. The only thing I would say is my older son loved staying over with his grandparents - spoilt him rotten and he loved going.

I think you’re over thinking it, attention is likely to be less on your older child that’s not natural so sleeping at grandparents will be a nice break for her. 5/10 times is a good amount for her to be comfortable.
Id say let her go and be spoilt.

Your mum should have taken no for an answer, whether she approved of your reasoning or not. It's entirely up to you whether and when your child goes elsewhere overnight, and making nasty digs about you breastfeeding is appalling. Is she usually like this?

It sounds like your older child needs some special 1 on 1 time with YOU, not with her grandparents.

I get your reasoning. But it might be that the toddler would really love a sleepover with nan and grandad. They would get lots of undivided attention and you would get a bit of a break.

Maybe you could ask your mum and dad to have the baby for a few hours another time so you could do something just with your eldest? If you can't express, maybe just between feeds? They could stay at yours with the baby while you go to the park or somewhere. Or they take baby out while you do some painting or crafty things at home.

You're not being a dickhead, but I think the reason you told your Mum and her subsequent digs are a misunderstanding - you didn't explain your reasons properly.

If your Mum really wants to support you and spend time with your eldest I think coming to your house and really making a big fuss over her would help show DD1 that she has not been pushed away by the new baby.

It really isn’t usually that easy to get an EBF baby to take a bottle, even if it’s expressed milk. I don’t know why people so often seem to think it is.

Go with your gut feeling and do what you think is right for your daughter. Your parents seem to be making it all about them.

You can ask her if it's something she'd like if you're wavering and go child lead. But no is a responsible responsible for now, not forever!

Ignore the digs, why do women and mothers especially do this to each other, judge and not support choices - choices they had and made. Your child your choice.

And as the child who was outsourced to anyone who would have her when new baby came along, and was a difficult young child, this lasted most of my own young childhood - it does have an impact. I have a very strained relationship with my parents, I felt rejected/neglected and my siblings favoured, punished because I was easy/independent and they were hard work and needy. It's had a lasting impression on my were I often consider grandparents more parental than my folks. It was horrible.

Trust your instincts, you know your daughter and if right now family bonding and unity it the main need - unapologetically do that. Sleep overs will come.

If younger child is feeling insecure I can understand your reasoning - but you could also try to spin it as a very special treat for big girls who have been so very very good, to go and stay at grandmas and see how she feels? She could be very excited? It could make her feel more secure and help with bonding with DGP. I wouldn’t rule it out.

"a bit more"

Like what, exactly?

This child isn't even three yet. It's not going to damage family relations to not stay over with grandparents for one night, but it might well cause issues at home as the toddler is already discombobulated with the new sibling.

If you do not believe it is the right time for your eldest to stay at her grand parents then that is the right call end of you know ur child best.

When I had my second I arrange a big sister/big brother fun afternoon with my older 2, with presents from the new baby to them, and some mum 1 on 1 time movies games ect, i also allowed them to be involved with the new babies care e.g bath time with big sissy ect.

I like to think it made things easier for my older 2 to adjust and even though the baby needs more care I could still spend an half hour reading and snuggling with my older 2 b4 bed.

Hope some of these ideas help.

Why not express some milk so your other child can feed the baby too? Or give you a break.... I think you should ask the eldest child if she wants to stay there, it's a god send they are offering my child has no grandparents. Kids are naturally going to feel jealous but shouldn't be glued to you life goes on as it always does and might be nice to have just u and the baby time

YANBU at all. I would reply more fully but I don't need to because @Aquamarine1029 has said everything I think but expressed it much more eloquently.

If you think your older child maybe feeling a bit pushed out, could you express some milk into a bottle & let them feed the baby every so often? Just an idea that might make them feel involved in the care of their baby sibling? By the way, you are not being unfair!!

EXACTLY THIS!

Whats the real reason for saying no?

i do feel theres a little bit more to this story too

I think you've got it all wrong.

Why oh why do so many women insist on perpetuating the historical mind fuck on other women to be nice, to appreciate something they aren't comfortable with, and to always have an "good enough" reason for saying no when not immediately being a people pleaser.

The op isn't having her two year old sleepover her grandparent's because she doesn't fucking want her to. She believes it's not the right time, and she doesn't need her mother to be a cow about it. I fully realize it's the bloody internet and we can share our opinion if we want to, and I actually always encourage it, but I so wish women would stop doubting themselves and not feel the need to fret about such a benign parenting choice.

Op, stop second guessing yourself, and you don't need to look for validation for your decisions from anyone. You're doing great.

But only you know your child.

Exactly!

I think a lot of toddlers would be glad of a break from the baby and to have 1 on 1 time with grandparents.

But only you know your child.

YABU - let her go and have some special time being spoilt by some family.
You could even ask you mum to watch the baby for an hour or two and take your daughter out for a treat so you have that special time for a bit as well.

I think they’re also trying to do you a favour and give you some time to rest.

I jumped at the chance when I’d had my second.

I think you've got it all wrong.

I would have said yes & put a spin on how "special" the big sibling is, being able to spend one on one time with the grandies, because the other one is too little.

I would of made it out to be a big "treat" to be able to spend the night.

YANBU - your older child will likely feel upset that they have been separated from you whilst the younger gets to stay. Our parents agreed with us and didn't want to take just one child which helped and now it's great because both kids always want to be together and will happily stay over at the grandparents together.