For saying no?

No one is right it wrong here. I'll just add my thoughts.

1 night where your toddler is 100% the centre of attention from grandparents. They can stay over because they're BIG and the baby's too little to be able to go and have this fun. It could be just what they need, to have something that's just for them where the baby isn't involved.

You have every right to decide whatever you wish to, although I will say I used to love staying at my grandparents as the eldest of 3 it was the only time I got treated like the centre of the universe for a weekend it was brilliant 😁

Why don't you ask your eldest if they want to go?? And take it from there!

Well said!! Absolutely this.

why don’t you just ask your oldest if she wants to go for a sleepover?

These comments are insane.

My eldest was the same and I couldn't stand sending him away, it felt like the wrong thing to do. He's never slept at anyone's house though so it is slightly different for me. We were still very much in the thick of it at 2.5 months.

Yes, you could have asked your child but if they're anything like mine they say yes then change their mind.

Your child, your rules.

My LB (2.5 yrs) had to stay with my mum as I was going for an MRI and the time of the appointment (3 hr journey) would have made it hard to do a daytrip. I took the baby as I was also BFing and my OH had to come to look after the baby whilst I was in the MRI. I was worried about the eldest feeling left out but we framed it as a fun thing he was doing, not that he was missing out on something and he had a fab time. It's fine to say no though and very unreasonable if your Mum is funny with you about it.

You could ask your daughter but at that age she may not fully understand. I’d feel the same, she’s feeling unsettled so you don’t want her feeling pushed out. Your child your decision, your mum will get over it at some point.

This!

Definitely ask your eldest. They might love it and their world is pretty small and self centred at that age.

Just because she is jealous when you are there doesn’t mean she’ll think anything of it when you aren’t.

I had my niece at 5m with nephew at 3y for a sleepover. I had to pass 5m over in the night as she was teething and wouldn’t settle with me.

Mum was so worried that nephew would be distraught and worried in the morning that his sister wasn’t there.

Honestly… he didn’t even ask! Didn’t even notice!! We just had tons of fun and he didn’t realise!.

I remember feeling really special when I went to stay with my grandparents in a very similar situation 40 years ago. They heaped me with attention, which I was of course having to share at home with a baby sister. All children are different though.

Allow your child the opportunity to be spoilt with some attention.

Express milk for a 3 year to feed the baby with eh why, 3 year olds are by nature clumsy and un sure of themselves and to let them feed a live baby???

your decision and I wouldn’t be happy about my mum basically taking the huff over it either and she’d be told that.

My oldest would have loved this. My youngest at 3 still doesn’t go for sleepovers because she wakes up hysterically screaming for me. Crucially you are her mother and you don’t think it’s right and your mum isn’t respectful of that.

Dont burn your bridges though! In a few years you’ll be desperate to ship them both off to Granny for the weekend

@Sporttty maybe your mum will struggle with 2 children in a year or so. It's hard work x2 when you're older. You need to spin in a different way and make it sound like a treat for her, and for you! You can have a lazy morning with the baby! Make the most of it!

Might be good for the elder child to have some attention soley on them.

Your child, your choice. My parents do this (mine are older) but they feel it's easier with 1 child and my dad takes my son to the football which dd doesn't enjoy yet. I've had to put my foot down and say they need to spend equal time with them, it's become a bit of a habit from the baby days where I was grateful to have 1 less little to look after. I think starting from the outset and setting this boundary isn't a bad idea, in our case my dd gets sad they don't want to see her as much so it's the opposite issue but if you want to not split the children up right now, you can say that, it's totally your perogative.
I'd just calmly explain again to your mum, maybe ask her advice (older people love this) about how to make your older one feel loved and involved with the baby.... she'll calm down, and you're right, your responsibility is to your children over her feelings

Agree with this in part, but it would be better ti have that exclusive sole focus from her mum who she is obviously missing and no be farmed out to her grandparents, lovely as their intentions are.

I think you’re looking at it the wrong way, your eldest is probably being so clingy to you because she is struggling with the change from being the only child and having your full attention to having the new baby come and taking up a lot of your time. A sleepover at Grandma’s house where she will be their sole focus might be just what she needs. I have similarly aged DC and, after my youngest was born, my eldest loved going for sleepovers with at GP’s house as they made such a big deal of her and she was the center of attention unlike at home where my focus was split and obviously large portions of the day were dedicated to the new baby. Also EBF so no real option to send both away for the break but my DD never felt pushed out by going away for the odd sleepover on her own, in fact she loved it.

Ask your little one. If they want to go and you still say no then you are being a bit unreasonable.

if they don’t want to go then hey ho. Can’t they come over and spend some time with grandkids?

It’s your choice of course. I do think your eldest might benefit from time alone with them being spoilt but only you know that.

just as a different perspective. I would give anything for my kids to be invited to stay overnight at grandparents. Sounds like your mum really enjoys and wants to have her grandchildren which is a really really wonderful thing and I would be wanting to very much nurture that relationship. My in laws make it very clear that having my children is nothing but a nuisance.

I can completely see where you’re coming from. When I had my second child my eldest also felt really pushed out by the baby, only with me though. She didn’t want her dad, aunties or grandparents, she wanted my attention. I would have made the same choice as you, for the same reasons. Your mother should not be putting her wants ahead of your eldest’s needs.

That being said I would probably speak to your mum about it. Explain again that it’s just that now is a bad time, you eldest is having a hard transition and you don’t want her to feel like she’s been sent away so that baby can have more of your time.

The transition from 1 to 2 kids is really hard and it sounds like you’re doing a really good job.

You're over thinking here, yes no one can look after the breastfed baby and getting help where you can is great. If your child is anxious that is a negative for you and your child so don't enforce it.

Let her go as one night won’t make her any less clingy and having individual attention might do her the world of good.

Buy your mum needs to behave like an adult as no is a complete sentence

Sometimes you have to consider others (your mum’s feelings) even if you are in the trenches. Your grandparents are offering to help, how is this a bad thing?