To not make 22 month old say please and thank you

My son was a late talker and I always modelled it for him until he could talk, once he could talk confidently he just started saying them himself.

People always comment on his manors. I do think their important

100% this 🙌🏻

Yes. HTH.

Children do as they see, not as they are told.
They will model your own behaviour. They’ll be fine
I find it quite jarring when small child is constantly told to say please and thank you-but I’m not english and prioritise other things ( honest direct communication ) over “manners”

With sister in law.
One of my children was non verbal and used to sign please and thank you.
My other daughter was taught to say please and thank you at this age.
Everyone now comments on how well mannered they are and I often find their friends are rude as they do not have the same level of manners.
They will get further in life if they are aware of societal expectations, the earliest and biggest being manners.

I'm a teacher in a specialist speech and communication setting

Saying please and thank you when you have a speech issue can actually limit communication -particularly if a child is not at the point of linking words

Forcing them to say please a thank you when a child is not typically developing language puts them at risk of losing the information carrying word -especially if the adults are focusing on the 'please'

Using match and stretch language (so repeating their word and adding an extra one) is a great way of modelling language, but we would never advocate 'making' a child repeat a word (especially when that word doesn't actually mean anything)

Just keep on modelling OP and congratulate him when he gets it right and he'll do just fine. Let SIL do her thing and you do yours. The result will be the same but your boy and everyone around you will be happier :)

It’s all overthinking.

My DS has a speech delay and that age, we hired a private speech therapist and honestly the focus was just to get him to say actual words ‘eg ‘star’ instead of just ‘ar’. We were ecstatic if he just said a word. Please and thank you were the last thing on our minds. He’s now 3 and a half and says please and thank you all the time. Especially please. I’d say for a kid who’s not even 2, don’t worry about it yet. It will come.

My son is almost 2 and a half, and he's a late talker. He's only just now starting to say more words. I do always model it by saying please and thank you when I ask him to give me something and say thank you when he gives me stuff. I'm hoping he picks it up naturally, like how he picked up "here you go" when I would pass him things.

The insincere 'sorry' also seems to count for more than it should.

Keep modelling and then you child will catch on. I work with a number of children's activities. Regardless of social class/economic background, children who have been taught to be polite are actually in my experience also more confident generally. My late mother taught me that 'manners cost nothing, but make life so much more pleasant'. Why wouldn't you want your child to present the best behaviour possible.

My 22 month old always says please and thank you - so do my older children . I don’t understand how it’s an effort and if you just say it every time it’s required they absorb it and by the time they are 4/5 say it automatically.

I can’t stand ta so I say thank you!

My eldest didn't really talk until she was 3. Was in speech therapy and used sign language. We talked to her all the time and we still said taught her please and thank you. For example, she would sign for orange juice. I would say 'I would like Orange Juice please' and she would say 'yeh' and nod. I would then say 'good girl.'

Bear in mind, when she was assessed, she had 12 words, so we didn't actually expect her to say please but I was modelling the full sentence. She only said 'yes' at pre-school.

When she was 3, literally, in the back of the car, she started talking. It was so shocking- I can still remember it vividly. After that, she caught up- but we had already taught her so much by constantly showing her full sentences but not putting any pressure of her to actually say it. So pretty quickly, she was asking for OJ and I could then say 'please' and she knew to add it onto the end.

I am not British, but hate with a passion forcing manners on small children. The “what’s the magic word” brigade. I have raised 3 now very well
mannered adults without ever forcing them to say the magic word!

This is what most speech professionals recommend for all speech aquisition including please and thank you.

Also you SIL sounds like a PITA!

At 22 months, I don't think you can force them say please and thank you, but you can certainly encourage it as well as model it.

I agree actually and I do think manners are very important and DS (3.5) now says please and thank you unprompted mostly but he couldn’t say them at 20 months, he only had around twenty words! So why would you force a child to say a word they can’t say yet! How strange.

Manners are a great interpersonal skill. Lots people respond well to polite adults and children. Not teaching your children have manners work from the beginning is doing your child a disservice imo. It's should be second nature - not an arduous lesson to learn.

This.

I'd rather a pleasant tone than a whiny performative please.

I'm with SIL on this. Mine both signed please and thank you before they could talk.

I wouldn’t necessarily make him repeat it back in the way SIL did, especially if his speech is a little slow. I don’t think kids learn much that way.

But I think there is a happy medium. If he says ‘more’ I would say ‘more please’ and then say ‘thank you’ as I handed him whatever. Repeat ad infinitum, every single time. I agree with you that it’s way over the top compared to mature adult speech, but kids learn by observing the same things over and over again. DH and I were nauseatingly polite to each other when DC1 was learning to talk so it would be ‘the norm’. He can be a terror now at age 4 but at least he pretty much always says please and thank you!

This! If an adult asks for something in a pleasant, polite tone, you wouldn't dream of saying "what's the magic word?", or witholding the requested item until they said please.

I agree with you, OP. For that age and especially for a late talker it's absurd. Functionally speaking if a child is going to be starting with two or three word sentences, I'd much rather hear "yellow ball!" than "ball please!" -- does that make sense? One is then starting to use adjectives, the other is them adding a word which they are so often just using by rote without understanding what it means.

Model it, say please and thankyou for them and TO them, but I don't like forcing kids at that age to say words just to satisfy adults. Politeness and respect a) is about more than please and thankyou and b) goes both ways.

Aim for “tha” instead of “tha-nk you” my youngest had a speech disorder and was able to say this when prompted.

Yabu. Start with manners from day one. It's important. Sorry op you wrong here And mil is right. I know your DS can't say the words but say it every time for him ...model it for him so he learns it...it's important.