To not make 22 month old say please and thank you

Couldn't agree more... but we got DD to say 'cheers' instead. Manners are important!

Like pp we used mirroring. The children in our family picked it up via example. I don't like my GC saying thank you for food, they are absolutely entitled to it and it's my role to serve them until they can get it for themselves.

Do you not say thank you when a waitress brings you your food? You can't go in the kitchen and get it yourself, it's their job to give it to you but surely you still thank them?

My 24 yr old still thanks me for dinner because I taught him please and thank you.
When he was at school it was very noticeable which of his friends had been taught manners - it mattered then and now.

I do, we live in the NE and people say it interchangeably with thank you here.

The point is not whether he can do it, it’s the encouragement to get to the point where he says “apple please”. DD didn’t say please or thank you for ages, but we kept repeating it anyway and she got it. It’s about integrating manners into his speech as he is acquiring it. You don’t withhold food or do the “whats the magic word thing” . It goes like this

DS: apple
you: pleeasse”
DS: stares at you blankly

Eventually he’ll integrate it with repetition.

Children that age can't get their own food. By saying "say please!" before giving them an apple when they're hungry, you're just reinforcing your control over them. I hate it.

"Thank you so much" was one of my dd's first recognisable words "kakoo so mutt" but we never, ever insisted on it. Just modelled it by being polite to each other and to her.

I also (partly out of laziness) used to ask my dd to do/fetch things and modelled it that way "Dd, pass me the TV remote please. Thank you so much!"

She is very well mannered now at nearly-4yo.

There's better ways than that loathsome "what's the magic word" while holding a snack just too high for them to grab.

I also agree with pp, I've seen kids who think they can snatch things as long as they spit "please" first. "But I said please!"

I would always model it and as an adult I would always see please and thank you if I was asking for something.

Often at that age i would say it on their behalf.

I have never ever told my son to say please or thank you. Same with sorry. We model it.

He is 2 and a half and people remark on how polite he is all the time. He is very sweet and says please and thank you all the time of his on volition. He will also say sorry and give hugs without being asked.

Could never understand people teaching children to say ta

My nieces and nephews were taught this. Were always being told to 'say ta' . I hate it. It doesn't sound like a real word to me although I checked and it is. But what adult says ta ? no one I've ever known. Why teach a word then have to unlearn it when they can say thank you properly. I would far rather wait until they can say the proper word. It is just the same as any other baby talk, just slows down proper speech in my opinion.

I think also it’s about ingraining habits. You start with the alphabet, then phonics then reading, eat with your hands, then a spoon, then a fork, then a knife and a fork.

It’s the same principle with everything else as well, you build on foundations and eventually it clicks. I always think it’s harsh on a child if no-one ever mentioned something was important and then all of a sudden their parents are surprised when they don’t know something a few years down the line.

And if he can say please when asked then I'd wait until he's said apple and then ask him to say please, not force, but ask. If he's happy to repeat it then at some point in the not too distant future he will probably start putting the two words together himself. You can absolutely teach them before they can independently say it without being asked. Then it will just come naturally to them as they get older.

This. Keep teaching and it will become automatic.

I have never ever used “whats the magic word on DD”. I prefer a pointed “please” and a raised eyebrow. It sunk in eventually and now it is a habit, the modelling bit is how it’s said. We always say thank you and please in our home to each other as well.

She regularly gets snuck a few extras biscuits, mini cakes, macaroons and an extra smile. It’s a virtuous circle, people like dealing with a polite child and are kind towards her for it.

I didn't say he could, you said it was jarring that sil asked her 2yo to say it but I think it was perfectly reasonable of her to ask.

You don’t have to force him. If you say it so will he.

Yes it jars on me. Hate seeing parents withhold food to a crying toddler until they say ‘please’ - just give him the fucking banana ffs!

If he can’t say it then I’d say it for him and eventually he’ll do it himself.

All mine did this too.

If my toddler asks for something, like “an apple” I’ll say “apple please mumma” straight after. He repeats after me but I don’t force him to. Same with thank yous. I hand him something (he says nothing), I say “thank you mumma” and again he repeats it. I’ve never enforced him repeating it but he always does. It’s done cheerfully, if that makes sense, he’s not being told off.

If kids don’t use basic manners, it’s only them that will lose out socially.

Like it or not people are judged on basic manners like “please and Thanks “

Our Deaf Aunties and Uncles signed it.

Signing is absolutely acceptable.

I'm the same as your SIL- always reminded/encouraged mine about please and thank you because manners are important. My son was a late talker and manners seemed even more important- he would get easily frustrated and screech a lot. I felt if I could model good manners on him other people would see that despite his difficulties (the late talking was a symptom of his SEN) that he is a lovely very likeable boy. It’s paid off. He’s by no means perfect all of the time but people comment on his lovely nature and manners often. It’s not just please and thank you now btw, that’s just what we started with.

Teaching them manners at an early age will work wonders. We have instilled this in our son for as long as he's been speaking and he is very polite, we're always complimented on how well mannered he is.

I too don't like the word 'ta' but we've never used this and have always used the correct words.

😳 maybe my children have speech delay, I didn't think so but my youngest (16 months) is a long way off saying please or thank you - she doesn't reliably say anything other than 'moah!'
And my son couldn't talk at all until 2.

But bloody hell, what's next - I gave my 3 month old niece a bottle and she just burped and went to sleep, no thank you, no smile, nothing - AIBU to tell my sister she needs to teach her baby some manners?

There's so, so much more to manners and good social interaction than please and thank you. I model them, I think they should be used and my son and daughter learned them and use them. But there's no reason whatsoever to be getting uptight about it before they're even 2!

@Itsacruelsummer
My son doesn't parrot or repeat language thanks.