To not make 22 month old say please and thank you

Your DC will come across as rude if and insolent if he doesn't learn it. Might be more important to stress it when young if he finds speech more difficult

‘I was very aware seeing SIL at the weekend that their two year old is told to say please and thank you all the time. Eg “would you like an apple or banana”, “banana”, “say ‘banana please’”. I find it quite jarring as it’s used far more than normal adult speech would require/expect.’

Why would you NOT teach your child manners? Bizarre.

Where has op done that?

But why knock the other parents?

That’s not what this is though! Op’s child is ONE. She’s not saying manners don’t matter and that she won’t teach him manners, she’s just focusing on other aspects of speech due to speech delay, also in line with advice from speech therapist. My son hardly said anything at 2. He’s now 3 and says please and thank you. Jesus Christ.

I agree with your SIL on this. You need to enforce manners or you’ll have a child that grows up like my nephew, who never says thank you when I give him a lift home. He just gets out of the car with not even a bye sometimes. Rude child

There are so many posts like this that seem to think if someone isn't insisting their child says please and thank you, and is actively withholding things from their child until the say these words, that means they aren't "teaching them manners"

I have never taught my 2 year old to say please, thank you, or sorry and yet he says them all the time. I've never insisted. We just model that language around him and he has learnt that's how people talk to each other.

Some examples only this morning of polite speech from him (and this doesn't have to mean specific words like please and thank you):

"Good morning mummy, did you have a good sleep?"
"I would like some cornflakes"
"Please can I have more cornflakes"
"I kicked mummy yesterday that was really really not nice I'm sorry" (we had words yesterday because he was kicking while getting his nappy changed so he was still thinking about that)
"Let's play in the sand pit together!"
"Bye bye daddy see you later!"
"Daddy will come home and I love my mummy and daddy!"
"Please can I have apple cut in little slices?"
"Thank you mummy!"

He's two and a half and these are all lovely examples of polite speech.

Never once have I held food out of his reach and said "what do you say?", "say ta", or "what's the magic word?"

The OP values manners. She just isn't insisting on it with a speech delayed toddler and is modelling the language until he picks it up naturally. Which he will. OP is going a good job.

Another post knocking other parents for trying to raise their kids properly, and justifying why they don't think they have to.

I also hate the word ta and if talking was an issue I would do the signs for please and thank you and teach those, as well as say them.

OP I have a late talker. At 2 they basically didn't have any words. Now 2 years 7 months. Lots of words and sentences and we are now starting to be consistent on asking for please and thank you. We did encourage makaton please and thank you when she was signing. She has picked it up and knows the importance within a few days. And we always Modelled it in the house to all the manners pearl clutches out there.

But FFS to everyone else. The child is 2. Not saying please at the age of 2 isn't a steady slope descent into juvenile delinquency lol. Yea model please and thank you. No don't expect a 2 year old who can't say many words to say them - I mean my child wouldn't have been able to say either word anyway. I'm with you OP x

It's absolutely never too early to start encouraging good manners - by modelling initially & then later, explicitly insisting on it.

I'm a yr6 (age 10&11) Teacher in a Primary School & I cannot tell you the number of children on a daily basis that I have to remind about basic manners & common courtesy: please, thank you, excuse me, not interrupting me talking, not constantly calling my name when I'm clearly talking to another child or an adult, etc - it's exhausting!!

Absolutely. How else will they learn?

I'm with your SIL on this one.

Are you British op? Because even a short transaction in a shop to buy a paper has about 25 pleases and thankyoys in it. And probably About 4 sorries. I even said thank you to the unmanned checkout machine last week!

Modelling is not correcting.

🙄🤣

Same!!

I agree that modelling is best at this age. Forcing a young child to say please and thank you is not going to teach them to say it. Model and remind them. They’ll get there if you are consistent.

I detest ta more than anything! I always encouraged them to say thank you though.

Honestly, a polite kid gets far in this country and teaching simple manners at this age is easy!
My two are now in double figs and their life is much easier for being courteous kids!

Going by some kids I see you can never start too young

Don't make them, just model it, say it for them, they'll pick it up.

Mum to a child with speech delays and anxiety. He says please and thank you and I've mostly modelled it for him, never told him to say it (though occasionally I've asked him if he is able to).

Why would you NOT be teaching manners?

She doesn’t need to model it yet. He’s not even 2. It’s fine to wait a few months.

Please ignore these posters op. They clearly don’t get it. All very well them saying ‘he said ta’ or ‘i did lots of modelling and always said it’ etc.

Those of us who had to go through speech therapy with our kids know that this was not the priority. When thinking about linking words, they certainly never told me to focus on please. It was more describing what they see and using linking words.

All very well saying ‘ta’ but my DS couldn’t make a ‘t’ sound for a quite a long time and literally had therapy to help with this.

What posters aren’t getting is that you’re not saying manners aren’t important. You, like me, have manners on your radar, but the very basics need to come first, with a child who is not even 2 and has a speech delay. My DS wasn’t saying thanks at 2. It doesn’t matter. He needed some time and help with other aspects of his speech, and the please and thank yous came slightly nearer 3. Your SIL and the posters here are out of order and being too harsh.