I'm so exhausted from working full time and having young kids

Am I reading this right and that you frequently cook different meals for different people? That will be adding hugely to your evening duties. My kids sound a similar age and the option they get at mealtimes is take it or leave it. It's not always been easy to stick to that line but we have and resisted the temptation to rustle up something else. My eldest is the fussier one and we just keep saying to her that just because something isn't her favourite meal doesn't mean she doesn't like it or cannot eat it. She has got the message (mostly).

No child with a plate of food in front of them ever died of hunger. Mine are fine on days they eat less than we'd prefer in an ideal world. They can have fruit for afters.

I was in your position and ended up reducing my hours. Money isn’t as free flowing but we don’t go without and life at home is calmer.

I am now early 50s and having that extra bit of time in the week makes such a difference to everyone in the family.

One of the reasons I went PT was because I was in perimenopause but it wasn’t until 2 years later I could look back and see that. Mine began at about 46, and I wish I’d gone on HRT earlier.

Might be worth considering, OP?

Its harder when you have children to take care of and need child care ect.
But i will get better.

OP mine have always needed someone sitting up with them to get them down without emotional agitation that keeps them awake longer anyway. But 4 was when that really turned around so maybe it will for you too.

Arrrggh. I am SAHM and working all day too, someone else isn't looking after my kid, I'm doing it - it's work. I get less sleep too as kids younger.

Op's job does sound v stressful so that's worse. But mothering is working.

Why does he have to interrupt the working day? He could do it in the morning? Or 5 mins before he picks the kids up? I might be wrong, but your posts suggest that he is waiting for you to get home to do everything together.

It does get easier. Aged 3-5 was the worst. I did 4 days then too but now it's 5 days with them both in school. I was never at the pre-school gates either, and felt terrible.

School is a bit easier. I do shorter days two days a week so the kids do BS club and AS close two days. So I see some parents sometimes. And also playdates and parties become less frequent when the parties become smaller and everyone just invites their closest friends.

I'd just ride it out. Batch cook via the slow cooker as much as you can. Buy in help - cleaner (you aren't at home that much so there shouldn't be loads to do). Air fryers are an efficiency godsend. Bored of Lunch 30 minutes meals are SO EASY. I can put on at 5pm and let everything cook itself ready for when the kids get home. We all eat together which also saves time (or we reheat whatever they've had)

This too will pass (kind of)

Sounds like your DH isn't actually pulling his weight to me. If he isn't commuting he needs to be spending 10 mins putting dinner in the slow cooker or something at least.
But I feel for you.

But if DC go to bed at 9.30pm and you don’t go to bed until 12.15am.
Thats 2.45 hours of activity, if it’s both of you that’s over 5 hours. Even if you take away the odd hour working that’s enough time to clean an entire house!

I don’t have a dish washer either, washing up doesn’t take that long, I also wash up as I am cooking. Whilst one of you is putting DC to bed or should be enough time to do what you need to do - clean kitchen, empty washing machine.

Meals when you are working/mid week should be fairly simple anyway.

I think you really need to assess what you are doing in the evenings. The house doesn’t have to be pristine. Do the basics and get to bed.

Can you reduce your hours to just do 4 normal days?

But What are you doing from 9:30pm to midnight?? Why do you need to do anything then? Surely between 7:30 and 9:30 you can make dinner and lunches for next day and eat and wash up etc. So you can just relax at 9:30 or get to bed early?

All the house work can be done at the weekend or on your day off on a Friday?

Another FT parent here with 2 DC in primary school. It is hard. For me not quite as hard as in your case as my days are 9-5 with a 30min commute, but I do 5 days so there is no break and then straight into a weekend of sports/parties/chores etc.

OP just to let you know I cried when I read this. I literally could have written it word for word myself.

No advice. All the love. It feels impossible and I genuinely feel on the verge of a breakdown most of the time. The constant guilt about not being a 'proper mum' the constant stress about the job.

You are very much not alone, if that helps in even a tiny way.

I’m the same. 3 DC under 10 and I work 60-80 hour weeks. I get around 6 hours sleep a night if lucky. I’ve explored a lot of options. I’m leaving my awful H later this year. I am hoping it will make a difference. I feel like I am giving myself cancer.

Daft as it sounds some weeks I use 1-2 hours on a Sunday to make 3-4 basic meals we can then reheat - spaghetti Bol sauce / sausage & mash / stew of chilli etc. we have a pizza night once a week too. Then whoever gets home can just reheat something. By doing it in one go the pressure is less in week

I found just associating more with other FT working parents helped. Our afterschool club in huge primary was full of kids every single day like yours.
It's v hard and relentless

No advice as such OP, we do it all, not have it all but keep going, apparently it gets easier. I am not there yet, but hoping..💐