To think that 4/5 year olds should not be learning about d-day deaths?

@UponReflectionLake

How do you expect preschool to keep these subjects away from your child?

Other children will bring it up and it is age appropriate to discuss for teachers.

Tbh your son should be seen by a professionel if it takes such a toll on him.

I don’t think it’s ok to expect the school to arrange for him to be doing maths or something else in foundation stage - he isn’t exactly old enough to work alone so a TA would need to be with him if he wasn’t with his cohort.
If he can’t cope with the curriculum (with no SEN ) then it might be that you have to collect him and ask for a heads up on sensitive issues. The children are at school to be educated and that might include history which is gruesome. I’m sure the school will handle it sensitively. You need to model being ok with stuff like this - his imagination sounds amazing! Encourage it and model being calm and collected :)

It sounds like your child gets more upset than average about these kind of things, so I’d discuss with their teacher about how you can get a heads up to discuss things at home. They do the wars a lot in school and this will come up repeatedly. My ds doesn’t get as upset as yours, but when they played the air raid siren in year 2 he found it v frightening and had trouble sleeping for a while. So when they did ww2 immersion day in yr 3 I mentioned it to his teacher and she took it on board and didn’t include playing the siren in her plans for the day. But we walk home through a beautiful cemetery every day so we also talk about death and memorials etc.

I don’t really worry about things like this tbh. First time DD realised death was permanent was at 4 she was a bit shocked and a bit worried that we would die then she got over it quite quickly. Death is a part of life and most children are a little bit morbid ( Roald Dhal and all that).

Some kids are a bit more sensitive than others (Dd is definitely a sensitive soul, always got teary at emotional stuff in movies or on tv).

I agree that children need to learn about it and I suppose there is never really a good time to learn about something so immeasurably sad. I grew up in South Africa and we barely touched on D-Day but my grandparents were European and so I grew up leaning about the World Wars.

It’s interesting that you posted this as just today I was thinking about when my (now 12 year old DD) was about 4 and she was very sad after school and then said to me “why did the soldiers have to die?” It was quite heart wrenching.

I am French and I can't remember a time when I didn't know about le Jour J.
Both my parents grew up under German occupation so I heard a lot of stories from very young.
If you have been in France, you would have notice the numerous blue plaques marking the place where people (mostly résistants) were killed by the occupiers.
Every village, towns and cities have them.
Today is very important to us French.

With kindness, you don't know that that's what they were taught.

I think you need to work on his anxieties, not criticise the school. His behaviour sounds very, very extreme

I have to agree with this, OP.

I’ve just read your follow up post. So the issue is really what he’s going through regarding an ill parent - that must be tough but I’m not sure that it’s realistic to expect that this wouldn’t deflect onto something else even if he didn’t ever hear the word death in a lesson at school.

These reactions are quite extreme for 3 and 4 year olds. What would you have done with the heads up? Discussing it even more with him sounds more likely to make a big deal of something, creating more of an issue. DD learned about all kinds of things in Reception that involved deaths e.g. Titanic, we’ve never been given advance “warning” because the kind of response you describe isn’t usual.

If the school is well aware of his anxiety and nightmares, and they know the reasons for his issues, then personally (as an EY teacher) I would expect this to be treated as an additional need, and I think they should have warned you that this particular unit might be distressing for him. It could have been worked around, either by you taking him out for a short period or a TA doing an alternative activity with him. It's not too much to ask of a teacher to differentiate properly for the children they have. Yes, he will have to cope with distressing realities in life, but it doesn't necessarily need to be in his face right now, when he is vulnerable, struggling and barely more than a toddler. I agree with you, and if I had been teaching him I would have discussed it with you.

Sorry but the events to commemorate the D Day landings have been widely publicised in the last weeks. I think it is unreasonable to expect the school to give you specific notification. I think you you would be better explaining that if the D Day landings had not taken place and Germany had won the war then your son wouldn't be living the life he has today. Brave men did something scary to benefit others and were not selfish. Explaining difficult things is always better than hiding things from children.

He is 4. His understanding into death will be limited.
For a 4 year old to feel the death of a queen means she will come and get him, this means he has likely been taught about spirits.
This is not really a school issue. Kids will be talking about the Queen dying. Coming from an adult is always better than coming from a child.
Kids are taught about the world. They have to be. My daughter had 2 Ukrainian children attend her school after the invasion. She came home telling me how their house has been bombed and they ran from a mean man called Putin but their dad had to stay so he might die. She was scared in case Putin did the same in England.
Whereas if a teacher had told her what was going on it would have been much more gentle and age appropriate.

Trust me when I say that if the teachers are not telling the kids, then kids will be telling the kids and honestly I know which I prefer.

Sorry your child has anxiety, but the world does not stop turning. My child has anxiety too and we have to still deal with real life. But we must help the child with anxiety rather than hide life from them. Trust me in the long run it is important.

I am aware this sounds quite blunt. I don't actually mean it to.

You know you have an unusually sensitive and anxious child. This is not the fault of the school or the teacher. D Day is an important part of national history. It will have been taught in an age appropriate way. You can't expect the curriculum to be adapted for everyone because your child is sensitive.

What have you said to reassure him?

Out of interest, what is the opinion of other parents in your class WhatsApp group? Are they all saying the same thing as you?
Realistically, if you do think it's been taught in an inappropriate way, speak to the school about it.

The school need to run all teaching materials past you in case your son misunderstands something and gives himself nightmares? Come on OP

It isn’t. Nor did I say that. However to give context he has since said they were taught about France turning red referencing the beach and sea. I don’t think that is appropriate

Im guessing they used a map to show how the troops advanced inland, with areas turning from blue to red (or vice versa), I very much doubt they’d have said the beaches and sea ran red with blood. Ask the school for a copy of their teaching resources but in general I think it’s no bad thing that children are taught that wars cost lives.

This. An anxious 4 year old has learnt that from an anxious parent.

Maybe mainstream school just isn't for him OP 🤷‍♀️ Have you considered homeschooling?

I disagree. They should know. I e been to work In a sixth form college today and hardly any of the kids even knew what d day was. Sad