DH wants to Move us all to NZ…

Living there over 30 years, the night winter temperatures would always get to lows of -3/-4. Sometimes even -7 was the lowest I'm aware of.

We visited friends in NZ who had gone there from the UK to live. I think you have to travel there to realise just how far away it is. They stayed for 3 years, enjoyed many aspects, but the downsides outweighed the good and they returned to the UK.

My sister moved her family to NZ … the kids are now teenagers and my niece says NZ is great for older people but she hated it, missed growing up with family around, she’s missed out on having cousins around her and missed growing up with grandparents..
my sis likes it out there but hasn’t been able to afford to fly them all back for 19 years!! and non of us have gone out there because it’s too expensive and frankly no one wants to spend 24 hours on flight, then spend days with jet lag… you need at least 3 weeks off work to make it worthwhile…. And that’s almost all your annual leave….
They also suffer Earth Quakes which terrify my sister… have one of the largest suicide rates and have several volcanos!!

This

Once again, a ridiculous post! You must have been here in an exceptionally cold spell. The temperature where I live has ranged from 12C to 18C this week, and one night it got down to 9C - and it's winter!! 12C is NOT generally the daytime "high" in late November.

Incidentally, it's funny that there is a thread on here at the moment with posters bemoaning how cold it is in June in the UK. I also have a friend in the UK with ill fitting windows and a damp problem. Doesn't sound exactly like paradise to me. However, I am bright enough to not imagine that is the norm.

Personally I would have left already! I would love to be young enough to move to Austrailia or New Zeland, it is such an amazing way of life. I would go for it, you can always come back, your child is not at an important time in their life doing exams etc so you have plenty of time to change your mind and come back if it's not for you.

His threat of war reason is a bit ridiculous, but a much better quality of life is what would sell it to me.

No, it doesn't count. You having (rather odd) family and friends in NZ does not mean you know more than people who live in, or who have lived in, NZ.

I have several friends in the UK. That doesn't mean it qualifies me to lecture people on what life is like there. Although I do suspect there are communities where the church is an integral part of life. From your comments anyone would think there are no churches at all in the UK.

What would you or I know @mbosnz?

Apparently living here for many years doesn't mean a thing to some people.

As I said in an earlier post there has been a big upturn in church attendees where I live - because of immigrants. Many of the mainstream churches have very few attendees now, as the congregation ages and young people don't take their place.

As you said, there are some bizarre notions on this thread! I'm still falling about laughing at the idea we have to import our food 😂

So you, who deals with an influx of young NZers who want to live in the UK or Europe, so who are obviously not the types to be happy living in NZ, and are not the majority of young NZers, know more than I, who actually live here, does? Okay then.

Btw, I don't bake, have little interest in rugby, and only attend church for the occasional funeral. I also have worked with a lot of Brits, and there are quite a large number of them living in this area. I wonder why they are here if it so dreadful - and I might add many of them are here permanently.

I think, before I even entertained the notion, I'd want a bit more than a job offer that apparently, on the face of it, seems pretty good, and a rather exaggerated fear of the current world state. And I'd also want to know why he'd been exploring this without any real discussion with me. As to who would be doing the gruntwork of research - that wouldn't be me.

I'm a New Zealander who spent a few years living in the UK. Echo what a few people here said, it's extremely far way, not just from the UK but from everything. Even Australia is 3-4 hours flight. Food and property is very expensive here. I came back to be closer to family. Long-term, I think it is a heartbreaking thing to be across the world from your nearest and dearest.

This is how you read it. I think a great job offer is also a major key. Most people who move to NZ have never been before either. Or any expats all over the world either.

I get what you are saying- but I feel OP should take more time, spend time researching together, perhaps visiting for an extended holiday- and at least consider it, even if she intends to refuse in the end. Rather than just shutting down all discussion and consideration.

This situation is borne out of mental illness. Not a dream to live in a different country. The guy has never even been to NZ.

I guess in the case where one partner develops a strong desire to relocate and the other absolutely doesn’t, the only options are to keep your mouth shut, or relocate alone.

Yes, I get that. But people do change even within a relationship, and with new circusmtances, and not always in the same direction.

Yes, ideally both will feel the same way. But here we have a situation where one or the other will feel forced or prevented. Neither should have the right to force or to prevent- and the cat is now out of the bag.

My parents had a wonderful marriage for over 60 years- but mum could not feel that they had missed a great opportunity.

That’s the key, then, isn’t it?

Marry/ cohabit with someone who shares your dreams.

Don’t make someone feel like shit for the next 30 years because they wouldn’t move across the world with you.

And in this particular instance, I wouldn’t advise op to entertain this move at all. Her husband needs help with his mental health.

Both sides of the partnership need to be 100% on board. Not someone having their arm twisted for fear of being blamed for missed opportunities.

Thankyou Calliopespa. So many posts from people who have never been here made on the say-so of others. I take exception with the ‘cold house’ comments, yes central heating isn’t a thing here granted, but if you think the lot of us sit here shivering all winter you are wrong. I’ve said upthread it’s different, it’s not the UK.

But it goes both ways, surely. One is stopping the other to reach for a different future.

Whichever way it goes- it seems one will be disappointed, and probably unable to hide resentment. At least OP should be prepared to be more open and show interest, and to at least discuss it.

I am so so grateful that as a couple we have travelled a lot and worked abroad on several occasions for a period of time, and that we were both on the same page.

How sad for your dad.

Nobody should feel pressured to uproot themselves and move across the world, away from their friends and family. It’s a recipe for disaster.

If you have a dream to live in a country 24 hours away, make sure you’re with someone who shares that dream. Being resentful because they don’t, is unforgivable.

I moved to Australia and my marriage broke up after a few years, Yes, you are basically stuck there if that happens. And visits back to the UK are not a given in that scenario if your partner does not give permission for their passports to be renewed, which can happen.

Many people have suggested a reconnaissance visit but the problem with that is you cannot foresee life several years down the track.
The flights back and forth are still a long way, regardless of what other posters say. My siblings have only come out once due to the cost and the fact you need to come out for a decent amount of time to make a 24 hour journey each way worth it. My mother came out more often but is too old to travel now. I am only able to make it back to the UK every 2 years - it depends on what’s happening with the kids. It’s easier to travel in the primary years but trickier once in secondary with major exams and or finances.

So, if you are close to your family and friends, I would not do it. I underestimated the value of their company and support. If you are very independent, make friends easily, a go getter and have a very solid marriage then perhaps. I would point out that the fact that it’s all DH’s idea and he is putting pressure on you to go despite your understandable doubts - this is a red flag. In a solid marriage, he would not be expecting you to fall into line with his anxiety about Russia and a decision to emigrate would be jointly and mutually desired.

Agreed. And totally not getting the stuck in the past or oppressed women thing. It was the first country in the world to give women the vote. They had until recently a woman pm. All the nz women I know are very far from oppressed.

I know, right?!

The way I read it, he has many reasons for wanting to move- a great job too, and a new beginning and adventure- and take family to somewhere he believes to be at lower risk in case of an escalating conflict with Russia or the Middle East.

And he is totally right that the UK would be at much higher risk in such a case. This is not paranoia either.

Well, my mum alwas resented the fact that my dad refused to move to Australia post war, when fabulous conditions were given to those prepared to emigrate.

Gotta enjoy all the Brits commenting on NZ being stuck in the past. Love the irony.

This!! It’s not about whether he wants to live to New Zealand , Australia or timbuctoo! It’s about wanting to uproot his entire family & change his life completely based on paranoia about war generated by too much time on Tik Tok