DH wants to Move us all to NZ…

Also it is not a fast process to move there.

If you have kids they need to be medically assessed - NZ don't want disabled kids or any kind of medical issues.

See this;

www.immigration.govt.nz/new-zealand-visas/preparing-a-visa-application/medical-info/acceptable-standard-of-health-criteria-for-visa-approvals

One of my brother's kids had to go through extensive medical testing because when the child was born he'd spent some time in NICU and the NZ government wanted to be completely sure there was nothing medically wrong with him. It cost my brother a lot of money to get a consultant to examine the child in detail and confirm that he was in nicu because of prematurity and there was no impact on the child's health.

I think marriage is about compromise and you should do some more research before dismissing the idea.

I personally love travel and adventures and would probably go for it in that spirit - your DS is very young and kids are super adaptable, it's not like he's at secondary school in an exam year...

But the compromise cuts both ways and of course your DH should be listening to you if you have researched and have significant concerns.

YABU if you're dismissing it out of hand; but YANBU if you do the research and end up deciding you don't want to go. Hope it works out.

If there’s a war that makes the UK unliveable then NZ will be involved in that war. 100% no doubt whatsoever. So there’s that

Sounds like he should address his fears with calm and logic, rather than drag his family to the Southern Hemisphere in a panic.

I wouldn't want to go.

This. Don't ever move somewhere unless you actively want to.

From having done this with our family, albeit the other way, there is no sodding way I'd ever relocate anywhere, let alone as far around the world as you can get, without having been there, and got a very good feel for the country and the culture. If it isn't something both of you are committed to making work, do not do it. And don't be bullied into it, because of a touch of warmongering going on, neither.

It's at least as big a decision as having another baby - one in which it takes two yeses to forge ahead, and only one no to veto.

he’s increasingly concerned about the threat of war.

This is not a good reason to uproot your family and go somewhere so far from anywhere else, where you have no connection or contacts.

He needs to deal with his anxiety before anything else.

My brother and his wife moved to NZ a number of year ago.

It's different to the UK.

If your DH's only reason for wanting to go is that he thinks there might be war, well, war is very unlikely and doesn't he h it abe any better ones?

Food is expensive. Clothes are expensive. Most things are imported which means they are expensive and not readily available.

The current government is quite right wing and is laying off civil servants like there's no tomorrow.

The houses don't have heating (although it doesn't get as cold in the winter).

You should at least visit first.

That's a crackpot reason to move to the other side of the world with zero connections to a place you've never been. I wouldn't be entertaining the idea and I'd be getting him therapy for his distorted fears. Don't get railroaded into this simply because he's currently the breadwinner. You could end up seriously screwed and utterly stuck.

No. Once you go over there you are stuck there, as if he doesn't want to return to the UK he can block your children returning without him.

Of your marriage breaks ip you can never leave with your child. Like never. There was a poster on here a while ago who fell in that trap, badly. I never knew that about nz and stuck in my mind. My nz friend went home with her english husband, they were back after 3 years. He simply could not get a job (CA) and lots of anti-english sentiment.
As for what the company will offer, it totally depends on the package. Expat package - go for it. Being employed as a local- mmmmmm think again.
Family/friend/aging parents - how often do you think you’ll realistically see them. Much less than you think or what you plan for or promise now

You’re unreasonable to say no without fully investigating it.

i hope it’s a great offer as it’s very expensive there. I’m from NZ and can’t afford to move back. Which city is it likely to be? What’s the general industry he’s in?

Your DH should not confuse desperate Tory Party Electioneering and Daily Mail scaremongering as a "threat of war" which necessitates emigrating.

My main worry would be that if you ever split up and you want to go home to the arak you wouldn’t be able to take your child/children.

There was a really heartbreaking thread on here a few years ago from a woman in that position. And I’ve seen one a few years ago from a woman in Australia too.