DH wants to Move us all to NZ…

Better*

Oh yes @GrouchyKiwi I agree about the food and the sausages! I miss NZ sausage rolls (the ones in the freezer section that you cut and cook yourself at home) amongst many other delicious things. Probably enter for the waistline or living in NZ tbh

I did this, we went to Dubai. We came back three months later to start again. If you do it, keep your house.

GrouchyKiwi - Lewis Road ice-cream?! And Whittakers chocolate. . .

Not just the answer to all the visa questions - tell him, he'll be the one organising selling up/storage over here, telling the family, organising the flights, initial accommodation, first house, all utilities, furnishings, getting sorted for doctor, school, dentists, bank accounts, tax and electoral enrolment. . . it's not for the faint hearted.

Some people have conniptions over moving to a different town - try the other side of the world!

And culturally it is very different to the UK, and its history is increasingly viewed from a less anglocentric perspective, which some migrants from the UK find quite challenging. (Some Kiwis do as well, to be fair!)

It's a fecking long way from anything. Which is great in some respects and terrible in others.

If I was on my own (or if DH died) I'd move back to NZ in a heartbeat to be nearer my family. We thought about it after our last visit but decided not to as overall it's better for us here.

Food, clothing, books, technology are all more expensive.

The country is beautiful and amazing. It's a fantastic lifestyle. It's isolated. The older houses are cold (new builds are a lot better now; my brother is a builder). It's a very outdoorsy culture, which is great if you like that. The food tastes about 70 billion times better than anything grown here in the UK (apart from sausages). I miss the ice cream so much.

In your situation I'd be a 95% no, but get your DH to come up with a list of reasons why he thinks it would be good for your family and maybe there'll be more than you think, beyond the War issue.

Ask him to find out all the answers to your visa questions. If he can't be bothered to do that then he's not serious.

Good to see that, as with any thread about Aus/NZ, there’s the usual set of posters keen to point out that it’s some sort of racist sexist hellhole (the UK being famously free from such issues of course).

OP clearly there are serious logistical drawbacks with this move. Don’t go if you’re not sure and not prepared to embrace the change.

We had neighbours who moved there and moved back.

I’ve travelled there and great for a holiday but I’d never emigrate there. Their capital city was like a town here. I felt like unless you were doing extreme sports I’d be bored. And yes it’s expensive. I know someone who married a Kiwi, lived there for a while but then they went to Australia as far better employment opportunities, more people and stuff to do!
I definitely wouldn’t move there not even having visited and for war reasons!

It's nothing like returning to the 1950's, and as for women 'knowing their place; might want to look at such things as when women first got the vote, no fault divorce, when marital rape was criminalised, how many female prime ministers NZ has had, that sort of thing.

I was rather bewildered when I first came over here in 1999, and was asked if my husband was aware and could I get his okay for something I wanted to do with our joint account!

Tricky one. As others have said once you are there you are stuck there. Unless your husband will be earning big, big money it's not just a hop skip and a jump to visit the UK.. it's a lot of money and of course it's a very long way. It becomes a big trip, not just something you can do in a week or even two really. I live in the UK and am from NZ and a return trip back for three would easily be £6000 for flights, probably more. NZ is a very, very expensive country as well. Life for me is much easier in the UK money wise. Like a PP I couldn't afford to return to live. I wish I had of considered the expense of returning more before I left. I would love to live in NZ but it really is so expensive. Housing, food, electricity all astronomical.

Great idea if you fancy returning to the 1950s. Oh and you need to remember your place as a woman.
Seriously it is a beautiful country and I’m sure a great place for kids to grow up but the culture is massively different from the uk.

Oddly the person who will probably like NZ best out of all of you is your son.

Personally I don't think your DH reasons for moving to NZ are good ones. I've visited NZ and lived with Kiwis. The ones I know in long term relationships with British people have stayed here. They are able to do their sports/hobbies but can do more cultural things, and that's just the ones who don't live in cities/large towns.

Anyway it is a different lifestyle so if you don't like doing lots of sport and outdoor things then it isn't a country for you. While they speak mainly English and aren't as rude/blunt as Australians the culture is still different.

Are you used to living rurally? Do you love the outdoors? Are you OK with not seeing any friends or family?

I know or know of a few people that moved to NZ and most of them moved back, as the remoteness got to them more than they anticipated. It was very very hard for them to afford to fly back to the UK to visit and very very hard for them to move back due to costs of housing etc - some of them had to have family assistance or would have been effectively stuck there

Your husband does not sound rational, I'd never consider moving to a city I'd not researched and visited, let alone a country in a different continent, and his reason for doing so sounds very odd

I’ve been to NZ. I loved it, but I’m not sure I could live there. It’s very different. If you aren’t white, it can be more racist than the UK in some ways (my direct experience only). People are friendly and relaxed but it’s vast with huge unpopulated areas, VERY expensive and so, so long to get back to the UK.

My friend has moved out recently with his partner and he’s struggling to adjust. She moved with work, her work have found him a job too but he’s homesick and finding the time difference hard to keep in touch with people.

Never being able to bring your kids home if you hate it and he wants to stay would be a hard no for me.

My sister has emigrated to NZ and it's going well for her and the children. But she did tonnes of research and did an extended holiday to scope things out. Her skill set is hugely in demand so her employer did loads of the legwork and sorted out housing schools etc so it was all relatively simple.

Her salary is comparable but the cost of living in NZ is higher than here and there are less choices. Housing, heating etc. but they love the outdoor lifestyle and the peace and quiet.

She does really miss friends and family. We're heading to see them for the first time since they moved and it's been tough to save for the flights etc. You need to accept that it's not a realistic trip for many older relatives too

One of my school friends moved to Australia as her DH had a job there. The marriage broke up and she struggled for years to get a visa that would allow her to stay beyond their youngest's 16th birthday. The DC were allowed to stay per the terms of their DF's visa.
OP, don't do it. You have never been to NZ. My friend had spent a year in Australia several years previously so knew what moving there permanently looked like.

I wouldn't move halfway round the world, to live in a country I've never visited and know nothing about, no.

This.

I live near Lossiemouth in Scotland and hear Russian bombers being chased off by fighter jets to the North of us almost every week. The world is going mad and sensible preparations are being made but as far as I’m aware there is no imminent threat of war on British soil, certainly not enough of a threat to be the reason for a rushed move to New Zealand.

Your DH does need a new job asap, and some help for his anxiety, but not in New Zealand.

A friend caved in to her DH and his desire to emigrate to NZ, so they uprooted and þook their 3 young children.

They returned after about 6 years, he left her soon after and she was left with virtually nothing. She'd lost 6 years of teachers' and state pension, too.

Think very carefully - taking into account all the things other pp have pointed out - before agreeing to this.

https://www.trademe.co.nz/a/property/residential/rent

Have a look at the area you’ll be in and how far your money will go. Food is really expensive if you try and by out of season. Books are expensive but the libraries are great. There’s a strong second hand market and toy libraries.

Absolutely no way on earth I’d move myself or my child to a country the other side of the world, that I’d never even been to, in order to deal with my husband’s paranoia. You’re creating some potentially very permanent ties to a country you’ve never even visited.

People think that because NZ is English speaking and has some similarities in government etc that it’s like the U.K. but it’s not - I certainly wouldn’t move there unless I’d visited for a decent length of time, spoken to local people, actually visited the area I might live in (not just the tourist sites), read up on and actually experienced some of the local culture and was ok with the remoteness. I’ve been on holidays there - it’s beautiful country and we had a great time but I would never want to live there.

The flight is brutal and expensive and once the child is resident there (and they will quickly feel more like a New Zealander than a Brit if that’s where they grow up) they may very well not return to the UK even if you do.

In europe our agressie is russia.
the agressor in asia pacific is china
i’d rather take my chances in europe

I would probably go for a couple of years, it'll be an amazing opportunity and it's a great place to raise a family - I have family their and the lifestyle suits them as they are very sporty. Look carefully into the legalities, obviously, but don't dismiss it straight away.