DH wants to Move us all to NZ…

Honestly, we’d move to NZ tomorrow if we had the opportunity. Too old/not wealthy enough, unfortunately.

Has he carefully researched it.. prices crime area..

You get to excel in your field because there is a small number of people out there competing. And you meet some very very intelligent people with weird and wonderful jobs. One of my friend’s has a husband who works in Antarctica four months a year.

another friend had to flee with her child from DV to return the UK though.

There was a British family in the 70s who became freaked out about the possibilty of war, esp nuclear. And decided to move somewhere remote, to keep their children safe.
They moved to..
The Falklands.

Go! What an amazing opportunity

I moved to NZ for my ex partner and got permanent residency easily.

It has amazing pros as a country and some major cons.

it’s very split as a society.

the houses are freezing and damp with no central heating.

have a look at the earthquake drums

https://www.geonet.org.nz/earthquake/drums

Salaries are lower and you won’t have much spare and it is sooooooo far to get anywhere different. Made me really appreciate Europe.

i had an amazing network of friends etc but it was quite surburban even in the city which I struggled with.

amazing clothes designers though. I miss NZ dress designers.

good luck with your decision!

Woah some of these responses!

NZ is an amazing place to raise a child! They will actually have a childhood. What is all this nonsense about living rurally?! Did you know that nz has cities and towns?!

Food is no more expensive than the U.K. now plus if you’re up north you can grown your own produce. The climate in the upper half of the north island is a lot milder, where I live it is t shirt weather 9 months of the year. There is about double the sunshine hours too so no horrendous grey sky. I earn more in Nz so does DH so research your area don’t listen to someone else

As for being in the 1950s what rubbish! It’s not perfect but nowhere is, you should visit first if you can. Don’t rule it out though, if I had listened to the naysayers I would still be miserable in grey U.K. (which I still love dearly and visit often).

DH has become increasingly concerned about the war in the context of the UK specifically being a target. I don’t know if he’s spent too long on TikTok where it seems to be a constant stream of discussion or where it’s coming from.

Does your husband think that other Western countries aren't targets?

Also NZ has earthquakes.

I've not had to work out an earthquake plan in the UK like I have done when I've lived in or visited other countries.

DH and I moved abroad (about 6000 miles away, so not quite NZ but very far). We don't regret it but it's hard. A few things I'd say:

1. Your relationship needs to be rock solid. It adds so much stress to a marriage and you don't have your usual support network. Lots of marriages break up when they get here.

1. You will NOT visit the UK as often as you think. We make excellent money but after a while, the 13 hour flight is such a PAIN and you will want actual vacations. Using up almost all your annual leave to hang out with MIL gets old fast.

1. At the same time, you will miss your family terribly.

1. You BOTH need to be happy. It's a big challenge, if you're going to go through it, you both need to be excited about it and get something out of it. Both your lives need to be better. If not, see point 1.

1. Your son's age is actually great for moving to be fair.

1. The move needs to be researched carefully, know what you're getting yourself into.

Your DH is being very irrational. I would not uproot my life and my child for a man who watches too much crap on TikTok. See point 1.

You would absolutely need to learn to drive.

but it sounds like your husband might not be totally well so I’d get onto that first

He needs to hear everything you said here and understand it.

Its a firm no for you, OP, and as someone who has followed a husband to Germany and the USA for work in the past and sacrificed my own wants in many ways for the marriage I say you need to shut the plan down now so you can move forward with what you’re actually going to do to improve his (and your) future.

I wouldn't dream of emigrating to any country without visiting it for an extended period. Get to know the culture, health, education system etc

My son lives in Auckland. We went for an extended visit/holiday, & we were bored - and that's the city !

He likes it there, but he was a boring old fart when he was a teenager.

They also don’t have enough doctors - many go to Australia for more money.

A child needing life long treatment is likely to take resources they simply don’t have.

Why do they want kids to be healthy? To check them medically? Why?

The usual reason. Money.

I don’t get why they want kids to be healthy? To check them medically? Why?

Your husband is batshit

This. This is the reason I never permanently moved over to nz. I’ve spent several seasons living and working out there 🚜 both with and without my now-husband but I just couldn’t live with the risk above. Plus I couldn’t leave all my friends and family with maybe a visit every few years if we’re lucky/feeling flush. Fuck that.
Not to mention that his reasoning is absolute tosh. That’s not a logical next step for you all, just because he’s afraid of war.

Why does he think going to NZ would make you immune from war? It's been involved in a number of wars since the end of WWII, and is currently supporting Ukraine against Russia.

You don't seem to be in a great position, OP.
I moved from a former Communist country to the UK about 25 years ago, but to NZ from the UK because your husband is paranoid about war?
Nah, tell him to ram it. 😁
And the PPs are right about the kids.

I would actually be quite concerned for his behaviour.

It is very extreme to move to the other side of the world on a whim, especially to a country you’ve never even been to.

I would definitely not move to a completely new country with no support system with someone who is pretty unstable and could get worse.

Give yourselves 12 months.
Look into and go on holiday to explore the areas.
If you both want to move still then go ahead.

Even if you fall madly in love with a country and have a burning desire to live there, emigrating is at times incredibly difficult. If you are not so motivated it can be horrific.

I know a lot of Kiwis and expats. There’s a lot of pluses and a huge amount of downsides to NZ. If you’ve never even visited you can’t even begin to work out how you’d feel about it.

My bestie is a Kiwi and went back to NZ yo raise her family. Her children all adults and they have left NZ because of the remoteness.
My friend comes to UK regularly because ILs live over here .She would move to the UK in a heartbeat but cannot afford it
Her house in NZ is beautiful, very remote but she us missing the cosmopolitan life in UK and freedom to travel .

I think he needs therapy for his anxiety rather than move you all to the other end of the world.