DH wants to Move us all to NZ…

Probably Russia. I believe TikTok is full of it, a lot of it taken from Russian TV where they simulate ‘sinking’ the UK/Ireland or carpet bombing us with nukes.

Its nonsense of course but if your mental health wasn’t great I can see how that might not do your state of mind any good.

The fuck?

War with whom?

DH was offered a job in NZ. I told him to find out how the salary equated with what we had here and what our standard of living would be. Would I be able to work as a teacher? Also, I told him we had to be able to have enough money in the bank so I could fly home at 10 minutes notice if my parents needed me. WE didn’t go.

DH and I lived in NZ for a year, and I loved it in a lot of ways, it’s a beautiful country, but it’s very different to the UK.

It fees so remote over there, you’re so far away from home. I couldn’t get used to how quiet it was, I lived in Auckland and I only came from a small, normal town in the UK but I just couldn’t get used to how small and quiet it felt.

You also don’t hear about another countries daily challenges when you’re not there.

Unless you were as keen as your DH, I would say absolutely don’t go. Especially because like others have pointed out, worst case scenario if he loves it there and you don’t you could be stuck there forever.

New Zealand (especially the South Island and Queenstown) is a great place to visit on a holiday but, after living there for a year and seeing all I wanted to see, I was ready to leave.
I was on a fairly low salary there, but I found there wasn’t much to spend my money on, so I was able to save a good bit for coming back home.
It’s the kind of place that would be better if you know people out there or grew up there. I had a really good group of colleagues, but I never saw them outside work and didn’t see flatmates that much either. They were also mostly students as we lived right beside the universities.
The pubs in Auckland weren’t as good as those in Australia, so it was hard to meet other people too.
Public transport was also fairly bad too. Auckland is very hilly and watery, so not easy to travel round. It took me 45 minutes to travel 3 miles to work due to all the stops and red lights.
That said, I wouldn’t just rule it out right away. Do your research so you can make an informed decision. Look at the area you’re likely to move to, see the schools and things to do nearby, look at salaries and find out what your visa would allow you to do. You might not agree with your husband’s reason for wanting to move, but that doesn’t mean moving isn’t still a good idea.

Edit: also they do take health seriously. My cousin was there with his girlfriend at the same time as me, and her Sponsored work visa was rejected due to her having a bad heart.
My visa got rejected too, but that was due to the type of work I was doing.

Before he does anything at all he should get his health checked. If there’s any kind of issue with any aspect of it they likely won’t allow any of you to immigrate, so the decision might be out of your hands.

I grew up between NZ and UK as had family in both countries. I honestly expected to move to NZ and settle as an adult as I just loved it so much as a child.

However, it feels quite different to me compared to 80s/90s. There’s a lot of gang culture affecting young men, and it seems to affect a range of families, not just the stereotypical inner city lower socio economic groups like in the UK. I have friends who were living in affluent areas, great lifestyle, who’s teenage boys got drawn in and took many years to rehabilitate.

I am always surprised at how expensive groceries are (although we are probably on a par here now). Fuel used to be cheaper but not sure now. Books and clothes more expensive. Biggest issue for me is flights are SO expensive compared to when I was growing up. We have only taken the kids out once, which I’m so sad about, but we simply can’t afford it.

Many of my family having had good jobs and great lifestyles are now spending their retirement in relative poverty due to low pensions and high living costs. I guess that is becoming increasingly common here though.

Lower annual leave and salaries in general mean that travel beyond NZ and Australia is out of reach for many. There is obviously loads to explore in NZ but I have cousins who have lived in the UK and returned and really miss the ease, affordability and variety of travel in Europe.

The worst thing about family in two places growing up was the awful feeling as grandparents and relatives got older and not being able to travel easily to be with them if they declined or fell ill. Not knowing whether it was the last goodbye when you left again. So many funerals missed.

I think the biggest concern for me is that the decision for your DH seems grounded in irrationality rather than research. Does this mean he is less likely to be rational if you try it and want to come home? Can you reason with him? And, kindly, but is this indicative of some greater mental health problem - paranoia or at least anxiety - and how would you feel if that becomes heightened by the stress of an international move?

It is such a beautiful and welcoming country in other ways, I would absolutely recommend a holiday there to you or going and doing more research. But it is just so far away, and I think if you are too feel confident about it you need to agree some conditions with DH - maybe a trip to research, and maybe a commitment to a check in point where you decide to stay or go? I’m not sure if it is possible but I’d also be looking at getting some legal agreement that you can come and go from NZ as you please with DS.

wow so much negativity.

You will be subject to The Hague Convention regarding children, but you would be in any country and supports the convention. I suppose if you know that if at some point in the future you and your DH might have different plans about where to live you can put an agreement in place.

The “anti English’s sentiment is bolloxs. I’m English and lived there for many years. There are loads and loads of English, British, Irish etc…

It’s not all rural. Yes the country is not built up and congested as the uk but there are plenty of towns & cities.

I prefer Auckland, but not everyone dose. It is very spread out but it’s a fab city. It’s not the capital city but definitely the biggest. Wellington is the capital, lots of government based jobs. It’s very compact, easy to get around. My negative about Wellington is I don’t like being cold and Wellington gets some biting southerly winds which I find chilling. Most locals don’t notice them though.

NZ is an amazing country, lots of culture. You have beaches, mountains, skiing all sorts of outdoors sports and leisure. Non of which I’m into, I’d much rather fund a nice seat in a bar and enjoy the view, which you can do. The food is amazing, lots of Asian influence and it’s so much fresher than here.

Schools, your DS would go to the local school, there is non of the applying and fighting for spots like here. Children start the day after their 5th birthday what ever days it falls on, unless it’s school holidays. Summer holidays are over Christmas and January. You will find many businesses also close down over the summer. Some for the whole of January. Not all though. If you don’t want your DS to go to a local school you can look at private or faith schools but it’s usually common to just go locally.

Your DS should be entitled to free Kindy (preschool) hours before school. Schools are not as anal as uk schools. Far more relaxed.

Doctors, your not restricted by postcode like the uk. You can register anywhere you like and see any Dr you like. DS will be entitled to free Drs upto 6 I think, it might be older now. Yes you pay for medical care, but unless you have a serious condition needing regular medicine it isn’t as bad as you think. There is a reciprocal agreement with the uk on medical treatment, so if you were in an accident you will automatically get treatment. Certain treatments, like elective ones you would have to pay for until you became resident.

You can take out medical insurance or your DH may have cover through his employer.

you will find medical care on a whole far better than the UK. But dentists very expensive. Again insurance is your friend.

Holidays, tend to be NZ based, we loved getting a camper van and driving around the islands. If you can afford it you have Australia and pacific islands. Most Kiwis tend to holiday within NZ though.

Yes you are a long way from “home” some people love it, some hate it.

I would go back tomorrow and bring my DDs up there if I could.

Earthquakes and other natural disasters. Yes you get them, especially in certain areas, but the country is equipped for them and after a while you don’t even notice many of them.

COL is definitely expensive, that is my biggest negative about NZ. Before leaving 10 years ago, DH and I had a base salary of over NZ$150k and we struggled sometimes. It’s extremely hard to get on the property ladder especially in big cities.

Would highly recommend learning to drive. I learnt in NZ, so much better than the UK, no where near as expensive, but it was almost 20years ago now. Roads are wider and the driving licence system is better.

I wouldn't rule it out but if you split up and if you wanted to return to the uk, where would that leave you pension-wise? Maybe it would make no difference but it's something he should understand. A vulnerability

But probably the safest place when climate change hits. That would be a better reason to move.

I'm with your DH

Your husband should put his energy into sorting his mental health problems, threat of war is nonsense

I grew up in NZ, having moved there at a young age. Honestly it’s so far away from family, we could never afford the flights to come back to the UK to visit. And family couldn’t afford to visit us. Eventually my Mum split with my Dad and moved us kids back to be near family.

The education system was different, its worth checking now if the qualifications are of a similar level as the UK as it didn’t used to be.
Food was expensive, living was expensive.

We lived with the threat of earthquakes. At school we had earthquake drills and at home we had emergency bags/ food & water.

We needed a car to get anywhere really.

Those are some realities. However, I have fond memories of living there & the culture, the scenery. We just felt too far from family and our ‘home’ as the UK.

We moved to NZ.

Not many people live rurally - I'm guessing the people who say that rural life is the norm were here on holiday.

The weather is amazing, the houses are cold (but improving),the salaries are low.

The culture is different, it's not 1950s Britain or England with beaches. There is a strong Māori and Pasifika influence and kids are learning to speak te reo Māori and do kapa haka etc (I think this is amazing).

Your child will probably thrive here - our kids took to NZ life brilliantly. They can be children for longer here, in my opinion, and it's less materialistic.

It's isolated though and we feel far from anywhere which is tough with family relationships. But don't regret moving here.

Also, arf at whoever mentioned "anti British sentiment". Not a thing, and you can't move for Brits where I am.

That only works if you're both happy to leave when it comes time to leave.

IF he digs in and wants to stay, he could block OP taking the DCs out of the country and back to the UK with her.

being weird about China is one of NZ’s national sports but it’s just as stupid as rugby

I love New Zealand and personally would love to live there. BUT you have to decide what’s right for you.

Have you ever visited before? Which city would you be moving to? That makes a big difference. Also: biggest difference of all if you did consider going for it - how strong is yours and DH’s relationship?

How easy would it be to quit and come back if neither of you like the life out there?

I’d go in a heartbeat but I am the type of person who moves somewhere without knowing the place with kids in tow (and as a single parent). Granted now half way across the world but it’s a great job, great salary and great country. It doesn’t have to be forever, why not commit to a couple of years, you’ve got years before you need to settle your DS down for secondary

Absolutely

Yes and they are a whole lot closer to China.

@Wetsummer Because NZ has free Healthcare and Accident Compensation to all citizens and permanent residents. The taxpayer covers all costs so there will be vetting to ensure there isnt an influx of immigrants burdening the system and tax payers.

Ignoring his slightly illogical reasons for wanting to emigrate, give some thought to whether NZ is worth considering for a few years experience. It's expensive but if you're earning well and the company smooths the way then it may be you can save. It depends on the sort of lifestyle you want I suppose. Sure it's outdoorsy but there's culture, great food, beautiful scenery. It's a long way from the UK but it's nearer other parts of the world you might want to explore. Do some research on expat forums. Have you travelled much or ever lived abroad? If not it may sound daunting but it's a great opportunity. The problem is if DH wants to stay and you feel like returning in a few years time.

Your husband is kind of right about war, new zealand is nice and far away from other countries and therefore hopefully conflict.

You would have an amazing quality of life with lovely beaches and fresh air for your child. Our school system is truly fu*ked, you're about to sign your child up to numerous years of it.

Politically there is PR, which is much better that the shitty UK system.

You can grow interesting fruits and vegetables because of the climate.

You can travel to places in SE Asia and Aus for holidays.

Natural springs.

...

What's keeping you here?

I would go.

I'd be out of this country like a shot given half a chance I'm afraid to say.