DH wants to Move us all to NZ…

Might one ask why you bother to stay if it's so shit?

It's expensive, far away and as your family grows harder to 'pop back'. It is more innocent in some ways (the kids aren't overly sexualised like in the UK) but as a whole it's boring as fuck. Also? If you're here and one of you hates it you'll never settle. Plus you'll need amd exotic plan before you're kids become too entrenched. Getting back into schools in the UK from overseas is also a nightmare and youll get offered the sink school dregs. Wages are shit. Food is expensive. Houses are cold. Transport is crap.

It's pretty shit here. Been here 10 years. It's parochial, racist and if the national psyche were a person they would have a cluster B diagnosis.

I'd be more worried about massive earthquakes living in NZ than war here.

I think this is the thread the first poster is referring to. If you want to leave and your DH wants to stay it could be a problem. I still wonder how this woman is doing. https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/relationships/3877702-Just-need-to-share-no-solution

Is he not worried about NZ military defences?

NZ schools are pretty low-scoring by international standards - very low-scoring for a country that has so many things going for it and spends so much on its eduction system. Not bashing NZ, it's an amazing country in many ways, but the education system is not a reason for going there; general accounts I've heard from people familiar with the schools there is that the education is very relaxed and "nice" but not terribly rigorous. Lot of ridiculous post-modernist claptrap in the way humanities and science are taught, too. That said, you can find private schools that teach the Cambridge English syllabus; I'd use one of them if I lived in NZ.

But really, this isn't about whether NZ is good, bad or indifferent; it's about the insanity of just leaving and going to another country based on your DH's paranoia. People who go to other countries based on this kind of reasoning seldom make a success of their change in location, IME. International relocations tend to work out best when both partners are fully behind the move, are going for the right reasons, and have a realistic and sensible idea of what things are likely to be like in other countries.

NZ is likely to be caught on the crossfires if conflict with Taiwan escalates, has he thought about that?

It's no doubt a wonderful country, but it's another country, it's really far from the UK and the only reason for moving there appears to be that a grown man is having a mad irrational panic, so no, please don't move there.

If you are close to your family I would stay where you are. Living over there won't solve all your problems and not being near family, especially when they get old and die, is heartbreaking.

You could - join a Facebook group for expats in NZ to find out more, watch YouTube videos as a family about NZ, ask the UK based NZ embassy for advice on the visa and any work expectations. We moved overseas (for my job) and are both loving it. Always a potential sacrifice but also lots of opportunities. We intend to go back to UK in time. It is however a massive change and DH needs to also think through lots of the challenges, not just the perceived benefits. I’d also be looking at what support the company provides, we got help with visas. accommodation, schooling, medical cover etc.

I'm in NZ. A NZer since my Scots ancestors fled Arran for a better life in 1858. My DH is from the UK. We met while I was working in the UK, on the understanding that I wanted to return "home" after a decade or so. 12 years on, he was reluctant. We came anyway. Now, he cannot believe what he has come to. Paradise, he says. We live in the sub-tropical Far North, in a town full of European refugees. Artists, writers. thinker, travellers, academics. We have visiting concerts, a cinema showing all manner of thought-provoking films, groups discussing geology, genetics, archaeology, current affairs, teaching French, Japanese and Spanish. We have an acre of gardens and orchards, and live off what we produce. Bananas, olives, avocados, figs, apples, tomatoes, peaches, plums, oranges, limes, mandarines, eggs. The only thing we don't grow is coffee. The sea is full of fish and shellfish, the sky is clear and unpolluted, We live in shorts and tees most of the year...it's winter here a.t.m. and last night the overnight low was 14 deg c. The days are mild in winter and even in summer, it rarely goes above 30 deg. I can be in Sydney door-to-door in less than 4 hours, in London in less than a day. Yes, TV is crap, but we have the internet. Yes, we're short of GPs, but in an emergency, we can be airlifted to the country's biggest hospital in less that 40 minutes. If I hadn't had DGC here, I would have stayed in the UK. But weighing it up...Manchester/Far North NZ, there is absolutely no comparison. DH is ex-military, and is very anxious about the developments in Europe, especially Putin's cornered-bull mentality. There's no place like NZ - the world's final lifeboat. Oh, and my American nephew and family recently migrated here. For the same reasons.

Great post - I’ve recently moved to Australia and love it, our kids were older and they have absolutely thrived. Classes are smaller, the provision for DD dyslexia is amazing and this is in the state system. We love it here and it is expensive but we are well paid. Lots of naysayers on this thread and I’d agree don’t move unless it is something you actively want to do. I love the UK and miss elements of it but part of the reason we left was largely in part to the decline the UK is in, political apathy and no faith an incoming government would turn the ship. Nowhere is a utopia however.

I lived there for 30 years. I don't think that's a short visit.

We moved out to NZ from the UK for a better life for our children and never regretted it. We took a risk and went out on the visa that allows people from the UK to visit for six months if they have means to support themselves.

OH found himself a job there in the first month and applied for a work visa, and we were there for three years. We would have been there still if an even better opportunity hadn't come up elsewhere.

I don't know where you would be going but we were on the North shore of Auckland and the state schools there were absolutely superb. The children had no problem switching to an international school in another country afterwards.

It was an idyllic three years of sunshine, lots of freedom for the children, and the chance to see a completely different part of the world. One of my favourite memories is when I was teaching at my children's primary school and we all sat on the grass overlooking the water to watch the New Zealand team win the America's cup.

I wouldn't rule out giving it a go without at least doing some research. I have always thought that new countries are pretty much what you make of them. I have read huge amounts of negativity on Mumsnet about every single country in which we have lived over the years. And yet we've managed to have a great time in them.

We've ended up in Australia after a few decades of travelling around the world. To read posts on here, you would think Australia was a cesspit of skin cancer, racists, relentless heat, snakes and unaffordable accommodation. Whereas we have found it to be friendly, welcoming, our children have had good experiences in the state schools and universities here, great medical system, and there has been a very good work life balance for us both. Guaranteed summers and plenty of cold weather too if you want it. UK tourists always point out how expensive it is here without realising that we also earn a lot more for the same jobs.

Obviously, there are downsides to every single country, including the UK! But if you have a positive attitude, you can have a lot of fun seeing the world and giving your children some broadening experiences. It isn't for everyone, but it's nowhere near as bad as it's sometimes portrayed.

Well I am New Zealander and do live there. So I think my post above was probably accurate and current.

Yes, the stuff about bring a plate is not very common any more and it wasn't to do with poverty. My mother in the 1950s actually thought they must have a shortage of plates so bought an empty plate! I think it might have been common for rural socials that might have taken place where that meant they had food for a supper or something. It's an old custom in New Zealand.

Very sensible advice.

We moved to New Zealand in 2012 and very quickly made it our home. It's just a totally different way of life here. We stayed for 8 years before trying out Australia. We've just moved back to NZ after 4 yrs in Australia (I HATED Aus)

We felt welcome the minute we stepped of the plane, I've made some brilliant friends here as have the DC.

The cost of living is high but we make it work for the quality of life we have here. Food is expensive but that means we just eat "in season". There is a lack of shopping options but online ordering has definitely got better in the last few years. The healthcare system is fantastic. We pay for GP appointments but we've all been in hospital at one time or another and have had excellent, free care. Dentistry is expenisve. We have a great public transport system where we are, but you will still need to run at least one car.

On the discussion of heat pumps, I'm currently sitting in my nice warm lounge even though the heatpump is old. We only heat the main rooms in the house which we used to in the uk anyway. Energy prices seem fairly reasonable for us.

“Typically, when most people invite you over to you have to "bring a plate" as the host cant afford to cater for all those that they have invited.”

This quote is ridiculous. It has nothing to do with poverty or being able to "afford" to cater. It's about customs, it's about respect and it's about the sharing of kai with friends and whānau.

We came in to this country, without doing much research at all, it was a whim really. It was the best thing we did but I wouldn't recommend anyone else doing it without looking into every aspect of living here.

For me, additionally, there was a lack of deep history and culture which I would have missed.

I'm going to assume that's a typo and you meant to say a lack of deep white history and culture, @Papyrophile . Otherwise it'd be an incredibly racist statement.

OP This is really the wrong forum to ask about anywhere other than the UK.
As you can see its full of posts written by people who have either visited NZ nearly twenty years ago or only been on holidays there or have friends who live there or write complete heresay.

Go and see the country for yourself as it is now instead of reading opinions about NZ that were formed twenty years ago. Or join a forum for people who live there or are planning to move there and read up to date information from people who are there now.

Yes the flight is horrendous and no people dont visit as its expensive

Yes, people do think NZ would be one of the safest places in a nuclear war. We could be self-sufficient in food as well. But who really knows. Survivors of a nuclear war might well envy the dead.

Anyway, what your husband is suggesting is absolute madness. He wants you to immigrate to a country you have never even seen. I am a New Zealander. Lots of stuff on this thread by non-New Zealanders is plain wrong.

We are not in the 1950s. We legalised same sex marriage before the UK did. We have updated our euthanasia law when the UK still has not done so. We have had many female prime ministers. Our divorce law have been non-fault for decades. And all those years ago, we were the first country in the world to give women the vote - back in 1893.

Yes, New Zealand is a very sporty country in general. But not everybody is sporty, I'm not. We're not all out running the Coast to Coast or circumnavigating the country in a kayak though. My son, born and bred a New Zealander with his father's family coming to NZ in the 1870s, once shared a flat with two sports mad people. He said it was a relief to move out as all they ever talked about was kayaking. Most live in cities rather than rurally.

Many people come to NZ and they want it to be just like the UK but less crowded with better scenery. The idea that you could buy a very nice house with the proceeds of your UK house sale are probably long gone. Housing is expensive. Food is expensive. Medical care is not free although there is a public health system albeit with waiting lists and prioritising treatment. Going to the GP costs you money. Dental care is not free and is not cheap. Our public transport system is not great so being unable to drive would be a major inconvenience to you - most New Zealanders can drive.

Then there are the earthquakes. They are quite frightening. My boss once let me crawl under the table first being a gentleman while the building shook and we were on the fifth floor. Check out photographs of people belaying out of an office block in Christchurch after the Christchurch earthquake in 2011 and they were lucky. They survived and didn't lose limbs.

Also New Zealand does refuse visas for people with medical issues who might place a burden on the healthcare system. That is not unfair, we have to prioritise our own people. So your husband might be being a Pollyanna if there are medical issues with your son.

All that sun that people think is wonderful? Expect to coat your children in sunscreen if you are white on a very regular basis. I think we come second to Australia in skin cancer rates.

And as previous posters have said, if you do settle in NZ and divorce, you likely will not be able to take the children back to the UK. There are lots of women trapped by this - especially if they marry a New Zealander. This is not to say that the fathers that insist the children remain in New Zealand actually step up to do any childcare either.

I think people do come to New Zealand and settle here because they like it here. My own parents were immigrants in the 1950s. I think in your circumstances you would have to think long and hard about it.

Something that surprised me is that I found it harder to make friends in NZ than in the UK. People here are friendly but (in my experience at least) more reserved than British people so they're harder to get to know.

My son and his GF went there as part of their 'Year out'....{Working}
Son said it was very eerie driving all day and seeing not one other person on the road...That never happens in UK.

A colleague emigrated there, determined it would be a great start.

A few years later, I saw her in an English village!
She had moved back to UK- THANKFULLY she hadn't sold her house , but had rented it out.

She shuddered when asked about NZ.

She said it was nothing like what she had expected {Lesbian with a young child}

Yes, the bring a plate thing is about sharing the load and is very common. Everyone does a little bit so no one person has to do everything.

@NorseKiwi

“Typically, when most people invite you over to you have to "bring a plate" as the host cant afford to cater for all those that they have invited.””.

Honestly, what a load of friggen nonsense. Out of all the drivel and misconceptions spouted on this thread about NZ, this one is particularly annoying. Kiwis will be bring a plate for numerous reasons - respect for host, the sharing of kai, sharing the workload to name a few reasons. Your ascertain that the “bring a plate” tradition is because a host can’t afford to cater is quite frankly rude and insulting.