DH wants to Move us all to NZ…

The kitchens and bathrooms in NZ are often outdated. The carpets can be old, too.

I have a bathroom that is straight out of the 70s. Dodgy wallpaper. Vinyl tiles that are decades old. Very old toilet and bath. No heating whatsoever and no plug nearby for a heater. I have to run a 7 metre extension cord to get heating in here.

My kitchen is also terribly outdated and from the 1980s/1990s.

This house costs 450,000 GBP (3 bedrooms).

You should visit there before you move there. The attitudes you encounter and the feelings of those who live there will open your eyes enough for you to decide if you’d be comfortable living there.

At one stage I was encouraging my adult child to look at moving - not for imminent war fears but because climate change is going to result in major problems with mass migration and wars over scarce resources. It is likely to happen in your child's lifetime and New Zealand may be the safest location in 30 years time. But it is a sexist country. Women may have had some rights earlier in the past but now the trans rights activists are keen to remove any protections for women and that has revealed how deeply sexist NZ is. Do you plan to have more children, I wouldnt want my child raising a daughter there? You would have difficulty in bringing your son back if you needed to leave.

Your husband is not being totally irrational but you will be isolated and will have much less contact with family. You will need to make new friends. You will sacrifice a lot.

Every single NZ house that was on Wanted Down Under had grey carpets. What’s that all about? Is it the National carpet colour and are other colours banned?
Also, the kitchens were always white with grey units.

Fair enough. I can only go off my own experiences.

Before I returned to NZ I lived up north in the UK (this was a few years ago) and I paid about 50-70 GBP per month in the winter to heat my house and I was always nice and cosy. I had double glazing and insulation. The walls were thick and made of brick.

It's common for houses in the UK to have double glazing (which makes a big difference), insulation and central heating.

My last house in NZ was made of wood (like a shed), single glazed, not much insulation and a gap in one window for the wind to come through. It was essentially a wooden tree house. It cost 150 GBP to heat in the winter for one month. I really resented paying that much given I was always cold.

However, I do know heating costs in the UK have risen a lot in the last 3 years since I left so if I was back in the UK I may be paying more than 50-70 GBP per month to heat a home.

Sorry to hear this @mycatisanarcissist . This must of been horrific for you.

I have a friend in the UK who lives in a house with ill fitting windows, the cold air whistles through them. He's buying another house which needs work to damp proof it. Doesn't sound much like high standards to me. There were lots of threads on MN in winter from people who couldn't afford to heat their homes and were looking for tips on how to keep warm. Doesn't sounds like such a paradise to me.

It's been a long time since I had Whittakers, but my memories of it are positive. I don't like Cadbury anymore. I just got some Lindt dark, but that's not my favourite. I might prefer Nestle these days, though tend to go more for boutique brands these days. I just always check it's got proper cocoa butter, not vegetable oil.

Whittakers tastes like cheap candy to me (I'm a chocolate connoisseur/chocaholic and spend a fair bit of money on the best chocolate from around the world 😂) But I know some ppl love it.

Job offers may not be all that they seem. Also if it is ever last in first out should a business reduce jobs.

I'm sorry you lived through that. Horrible time for NZ.

No, I'm not in AKL. I've heard the traffic there is pretty bad though.

The other downside to NZ is the earthquake risk. I lived through the Christchurch earthquake (in the city centre).

Have you driven in Auckland when the schools are coming out? Whenever I'm driving there I can't wait to get away from the traffic.

I think NZ is not a bad place to live at all (I particularly like the fact that the roads aren't crowded and there isn't tons of traffic/ppl), but it does have definite downsides, the poor standard of housing being one of them. Very noticeable coming from a country where the standards are higher.

We too are currently in the process of a move to NZ. We visited last year and fell in love with the place and though DH is slightly more keen than I am, I do think it’s the best thing for my children.
I am happy to share my experiences with you if you want to message me.

I have friends still there and they tell me it takes 6 weeks or more to get a GP appointment. Then again, they don't live in a major centre, so maybe that makes a difference? Then again, reading on here, it seems like the UK has that issue in places too. I could probably get a GP appointment the next day where I am. Sometimes same day.

For us 'better' isn't NZ and while I believe in 'never say never', we have no intention of ever returning.

I was comparing life there to here (UK) particularly in recent years, although I see that it is harping back to the days of Muldoon after losing Jacinda.
Admittedly, I haven't lived there for quite some time, but I loved it, all of it. Even the rain (east coast)
Thank you for the comment re the username!

I agree with everyone else, OP. I think your husband needs to address his fears first, at home, rationally, before you make any life-altering changes.
I do want to say that all the people I know who have traveled to New Zealand, say it’s lovely and all the friends I have there are lovely too.
I wish you the best of luck.

I know several people who moved to NZ and love it there and others who lived there for a while and returned to the UK. But none who went because their husband was paranoid about war.

A decision like that for a couple should be made jointly - he shouldn't have applied for the job without your enthusiastic consent. And I would never move somewhere without visiting it first.

He is BU, YANBU.

Wow, lots of comments from people who aren’t intimately familiar with NZ.

your ds is at a great age to move.

nz is brilliant if you are on a very high salary. I would say nz$400,000. If your dh salary is in that ballpark I would go like a shot.

you need to be able to either buy a house next door to the best state schools or pay for private school fees.

food in Nz is incredibly eye wateringly expensive if you like a variety of fruit and vege. This is ameliorated by high income referred to above.

apart from modern high spec new builds, there is no integrated heating in houses and electricity is expensive as no nuclear power. 80% of nz is COLD in winter. Properly cold. Again high income would address this.

May be visa issues if serious health issues. Nz immigration is very, very tough and it is not a welfare state. If you are left-leaning politically you may find the current right wing government hard to stomach.

i could go on ; feel free to ask me anything as I split my time between Nz and uk and have done so for years.

You both need to be fully onboard, and to have researched extensively. NZ is a small place where everyone knows everyone a f it can feel very claustrophobic.
You need a back up plan for several eventualities- and to make sure you can work it run your enterprise.
Travelling across the world, to be financially dependent on someone - not the best idea

Better depends what you want and what you're comparing it too.

Can I just say you have the best username I have ever seen.

You do adjust. If I went back to NZ now, I'd miss having hot days and I have always hated the heat in general. I wouldn't miss the fire risk though.

Why not Aus....too hot!!

Not in Canberra :)