DH wants to Move us all to NZ…

Woke ideology, which includes transactivism, is profoundly misogynistic. Transgender activists say that sex doesn't matter, gender feelings are what counts: that a man who says he's a woman is a woman: that a man who says he's a woman should be able to access women's single-sex spaces and go into women's prisons if he commits a crime. It leads to men in women's sport, men in women's hospital wards. It's basically Male Rights Activism: revenge on women for a century of feminism and winning basic human rights.

Far more seem to cope than don't. Anyone who can't possibly live more than a few miles from their family shouldn't emigrate, simple as that. The more adventurous seem to flourish. Family, while of course very important, are not the only source of support and friendship. I have no close family anywhere - should I just curl up and die now?

I have family and friends in NZ and have visited several times and seen the country from the top bit of the north to the bottom bit of the south. It's beautiful and large parts of it are very sparsely populated, so your experience will be dependent on where your DH's job is. In Auckland or Wellington you'll get more of a large town/ small city vibe (nothing like the intensity of London or any major European city) In other parts of the country you could find yourself in a very parochial community where the church is still really important and where your social life will revolve around the children.

It will suit you and your family down to the ground if you are all really outdoorsy, active, sporty people who love nothing more than a weekend cycling, kayaking, sailing or trekking, interspersed with gardening and DIY and taking your kids to rugby training and swimming. If you prefer cultural things — galleries, music, visiting historic houses, grabbing a long weekend in Paris or Rome or Copenhagen — then you'll find it tougher. If you enjoy going to the theatre or musicals or having a night out clubbing then you'll find what's on offer limited. There's some good-amateur level stuff going on but you can forget the West End.

Things like clothes, camping equipment and even books seem expensive. Small population, not as much competition on prices as here. You'll contribute to the cost of healthcare, obviously, which can add up.

My personal take is that there is a lot of ingrained sexism (and obviously it's one of the wokest nations on the planet, and I regard a lot of woke ideology as misogynistic). There's a superficial level of promoting equality but fundamentally this is still a pioneering society and I notice in my extended Kiwi family the boys are all brought up to go to university and into high-paying technical and scientific careers, while the girls are encouraged to go into nursing or teaching.

If you can afford to do it (relocating is very expensive) you might want to go over there for, say three years while the children are young and enjoy an outdoors life with them before working out where you want to settle for the rest of their lives in primary and secondary education. Before you do that, though, find out what your situation would be if you were very unhappy and wanted to go home with the kids, but your DH was intent on staying and fought you for custody. I am aware of a couple of women within my family's extended social circles who came from Europe and the US with their British husbands and appear to be trapped.

Not being able to return to the UK with my children if I split up with my DH would be my TOP concern.

@anyolddinosaur
agree that NZ DV stats are incredibly disturbing.

However, unless I’m missing something (which is possible) I’m not certain how this article supports your argument that:
trans rights activists are keen to remove any protections for women and that has revealed how deeply sexist NZ is.

Sabre not sable, sorry

There's a hot war in Europe with Putin threatening to go further, NATO calling for rearmament to be able to deter or fight Russia within the next few years. The Middle East; China and SCS/Taiwan. Arms control agreements ripped up. A new arms race and nuclear sable rattling. Talk of a "pre-war" period. The most dangerous geopolitical environment since the 60s. And you think it's irrational?

He has a job offer so it's not on a complete whim.

OP I think there's nothing wrong in thinking about the future including taking geopolitics and climate change into consideration. People all over the world have to do this all the time; only somewhere like MN would dismiss it out of hand as "crackpot".

However I do thing migrating is a huge job and I can't imagine doing it without 100% commitment from all parties.

My brother is spending a couple of years living and working in New Zealand and he is loving it, but he is very sporty and is child free and single.

I think life is full of opportunities and it can be amazing to take your life in another, unexpected direction. But you have to feel great, optimistic and confident in that decision too, not just your DH.

I would try and look at expat experiences and blogs online. Follow subreddits like the New Zealand one and try and get more of a feel from people living there.

There is just so much to consider once you also have a child onboard. Good luck whatever happens!

True. The earthquake risk here in NZ gives me bigger anxiety than anything to do with nuclear war! We had a little quake here a couple of days ago. There was a booming noise before it hit and I was so scared, and then thankful that it was only a small one. I thought it would be big based on the noise.

The problem I see is that with that level of irrational anxiety if you moved and settled it wouldn't just disappear He would more than likely become anxious about something else.

Plenty cope but I know some who, in the longer term, regret having given up family, regret that their adventure was at the cost of their children knowing extended family, and are now aging on their own with no family around them because their own children decided not to continue in the country migrated to. Someone I know who has lived in NZ for 50 years now said, it seemed like a good idea at the time but it cost her and her children too much.

I think that OP needs to put a lot of thought into this rather than just blindly follow her DP's fantasy.

However, there are a huge amount of people living in NZ who are from all corners of the world, and they seem to cope with being so far from family and friends. I even know two women who came here with partners, split from those partners, and stayed on. Not everyone who moves to another part of the world is heavily reliant on those left behind - and the same goes for people from this part of the world who move to the UK etc.

Many people living in the UK seem to be very insular and not able to cope without family on their back doorstep.

I never said none of the men are sexist, but do get some perspective.

I am appalled at the posts from some posters on MN who live with truly awful men, so it's not exactly a bed of roses there either, is it?

I adore NZ and would jump at the chance (unfortunately it's not an option) BUT for anyone it would be an insane move to make when you're not familiar with the place and only have tenuous plans.

I also know that it's not for.everyone and friends who moved there when newly married found it too much once they had children being so far from.family.

Lots of anti British sentiments here. I grew up in Malaysia and I'm really happy to live in Britain. This country might be decaying but it's still a great place to be in, wish people will stop putting it down. NHS saved me when I was having health problems and I wouldn't want to pay for medical care like New Zealand or Malaysia!

@goodnightkiwi You really don't know? Start here https://goodshepherd.org.nz/economic-harm/new-zealand-family-violence-and-economic-harm-statistics/

I really regret not taking up the jobs we were offered in NZ. We had spent several months travelling around and working in NZ and fell in love with lifestyle, scenery, people etc.
The work life balance was far better than we ever had in our jobs in UK

We didn't want to leave widowed mothers. As it turned out we were 5 hours from MIL and 7 hours from DM. (on a good run).we had no family support where we live in England.

I wish our children had been given the freedom that NZ seemed to offer in the 90s.

Saying that it has to be a joint decision to even consider emigration. And the grass isn't always greener.
Many people end up having to move for a better job whether in another area of UK or overseas.
We both think 'What if' with a tinge of regret.

You obviously have to do a lot of research etc before you can reject the idea.

Can you have a holiday to NZ?
Or could you g for a raial period?

The fact she will be so far from her friends and family is a good enough reason to say no. No amount of further investigation going to change that.

I agree with most PPs. I went to NZ on a working visa. We loved it but it is very different to the UK (don't think it's the same as the UK because they speak English!), is very expensive and, as others have said, without wanting to point out the obvious, is VERY far away if you wanted / needed to get back.

I broke up with my ex whilst over there and desperately wanted to get home to my family in the UK. The only way of doing it at any short notice was by 5 connecting flights - Christchurch > Auckland > LA > London > Manchester. It cost an absolute fortune and took the better part of 48 hours.

You say you've never even been?! Absolute madness. Don't do it. There are far, FAR too many risks involved here.

Also, just to point out, if a war breaks out, what makes NZ exempt???

Say one of you gets a great job out there. Is your partner able to find a job easily or are there barriers to spouses working?

fruit, vig, fush, meat and iggs

😆Let alone the cost of a chully bun for camping!

And the flight time is twice that for NZ!!

YANBU. But it's a great opportunity. You should go.

Sounds great on the surface but full of unknowns. Do you really want to close your eyes and jump into an abyss and change your life.
the risk of the DCs being stuck there and not able to bring them home if I split from DH would make me say no. We can’t predict the future but that’s a deal breaker for me

Also don't move without considering the implications for yourself if your children decide to leave NZ and you're there all alone for your old age. I know people in this position and it's rough.