DH wants to Move us all to NZ…

As I understand it Hague Convention has to do with where you are "habitually resident" so if you are on a time limited visa, it might not apply to you and you wouldn't be stuck. If you were permanent residents then it would.

I wouldn't go because you don't seem keen on it and your husband's reasoning is dodgy. This is the sort of move you have to really want to do.

SIL and BIL spent a few years in NZ before moving to Australia. If you love the outdoors and the countryside it's brilliant. If you are a city person, well... No. Newer builds do have better insulation and heating but older homes are known to have draught issues (also see the 'leaky homes' crisis). I do think it's lovely for children, the school system is more relaxed, which a lot of MNers look down on but is nicer I think. You didn't say where he's being recruited for and a decent number of jobs that recruit overseas are in smaller cities or towns, which have their own set of pros and cons.

I don't want to sound negative as the scenery is spectacular and if you are really into the things NZ has to offer you would love it. I am not. It was interesting to visit, but that was enough for me.

wrong. You might want to, I don’t know… fact check, random internet punter.

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC8885817/
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Epidemiology_of_domestic_violence

Im in NZ. We not a bad bunch. We don't live in grass huts nor do we live in Frodo's place. We speak English (also Maori and sign language),. We do have running water, flushing loos, and pretty ok schooling system and cities (tho not as great public transport as UK admittedly). We aren't all country bumpkins nor do we have an aussie twang. (we like to think of ourselves as more refined then our Ocker (australian) neighbours lol.). I work in the health system at a local hospital. If you enrol with a medical Dr when you arrive you should be fine. My sister lives in Hertfordshire. She has made lots of trips home but yes it can be expensive and is 24hrs direct flight time away from home. Hope this helps.

They do have a RD postal address. They're an hour drive from the nearest medical centre a bit outside Auckland. It takes them six weeks to get an appointment, so they tell me. I have asked them if they could look at another practice or suggested that surely there must be some way they could get a GP appointment if they really needed one. They said they'd have to go wait 12 hours in A and E. It could be they are being inflexible.

its not the where he wants to go, its the why! I seriously thinks he needs some mental health help.

I don't know why somebody said they had to wait six weeks for a doctor's appointment. I can see my GP the same day or if not the same day within a day or two. GPs actually see patients - you know the old fashioned way where you go along, you describe your symptoms and you hopefully get the right diagnosis and treatment. I live in Wellington so it might be different if they are rural. My son is actually training to be a rural GP.

Should you move to an unvisted country on the other side of the world, with uncertain employment options and a precarious visa status, and risk permanent separation from.your child if your relationship breaks down, based on the whim of a man who does not appear to be thinking rationally?

Um, no.

You're not wrong to not want to go, but I'd urge you to not be hasty with any decision.

Remember that nothing has to be forever. It's an amazing opportunity, and needs to be considered carefully.

Could you set a 3 year 'trial', with the agreement that if either of you want to come home after 3 years then you all will? Or that you'll go for a set amount of time e.g. 5 years.

Your son will still be primary age and the transition would be much easier. If you go and have any thoughts of coming home eventually then I'd do it before secondary age.

@ThePoetsWife
GP visits and prescription costs are subsided by the govt. The cost to see a GP is dependent on earnings. Those with a Community Services Card pay a lower fee to see their GP. Those who need a lot of medications pay the first $100 per year towards their medication costs and after that their meds. are fully subsidised by the Govt.

GP visits are free for those under 16yrs.
Hospital treatment and care is free for NZ residents and citizens. ACC (govt. funded) covers those who have been injured by an accident or medical misadventure. This includes specialist assessment, treatment, rehabilitation costs, equipment and modifications. Also includes paying 80% of the claimants income while they are recovering from the injury.

Absolutely. I'm in NZ. I mentioned the heating issue upthread. It's one of the reasons I'm moving back to Europe in the next 1-2 years. I'm so sick of paying $300 (150 GBP) per month in the winter months for heating and STILL feel cold all the time. It really does make life miserable in the winter and for those of us who feel the cold, it affects quality of life.

I never felt like that in my centrally heated home in the UK.

Making your own furniture etc does mean that to a northern hemisphere eye there can be a lack of variety and style, and why some NZ homes seem a bit basic. You can forget going to John Lewis and having a huge choice. But obviously more sustainable.

Has anyone mentioned the lack of central heating in most homes, even expensive ones? That can come as a bit of a shock when it's 4C in November in Auckland and, anticipating summer, you didn't pack a thermal vest and woolly hat.

It was a bit of light relief and very amusing!

With reference to healthcare:

GP visits are not free, except for under 6 at this point, is it? However it may be subsidised depending on income level etc.

Hospital care is free, unless you are going privately.

Apart from the last six years, and another three at the turn of this century, I have lived in Aotearoa all my life. I have lived in Auckland, Wellington, Christchurch, Nelson, Motueka, Dannevirke and Murchison - which is to say in our biggest cities and some very small towns/villages. I have NEVER (and this is from the early 1970's) lived in somewhere where the church was very important, and social life revolved around the children.

I can think of some parts of society where that may be true. However, Gloriavale and the Closed Brethren are not reflective of mainstream society.

Equally, I cannot say, as a veteran of the NZ university system, that males are encouraged into university and high paying tech jobs, and females into teaching and nursing - certainly no more than here. I have one hell of a lot of female friends who are in high paying tech jobs, as well as lawyers, accountants and doctors . . .

Sorry, that is just bloody bizarre.

The job offers to NZ are always amazing as they are desperate to get good people. So you should wonder why a country needs to put in such good offers in the first place. There is no way in hell I'd move that far. We moved abroad to the continent a very long time ago, it was horrendous the first year, takes a lot of work to make it and we are very happy on that decision. I refused to go to the US which was also on offer. It was too far, and if you lose your job you lose everything. Then there is the whole if you divorce mess if you have children and one wants to return to the UK. You are in an even more precarious position as you are financially dependent on your husband. Even worse is that he wants to move due to a potential war. That's bonkers reasoning even if it were true that a war might happen. He might be hit by a bus tomorrow, so maybe he shouldn't leave the house.

This. Honestly, Auckland is very small and dull, and you can get similar countryside in Scotland without all the downsides of expense and distance.

Well OP, there you go. Natty Turtle of the New Zealand Emigration Service knows best. If you're a religious woman qualified for a career in STEM you'll fit right in.

Me, I'm only dealing with an influx of young New Zealanders all wanting to live here in the UK or in Europe or the US for a few years (and maybe permanently) because they regard life here as more interesting and offering more opportunities. Not sure there are quite so many Brits motivated by the prospect of a life of bake sales, rugby and church, but obviously I know nowt.

I live in NZ and have done for the last 8 years.

The cost of living is high, I find it very hard to save here. NZ produces its own food, makes its own furniture and not everything is imported. The reason food is so expensive is because there is a duo-poly of Supermarkets who control the prices. Go to the local markets and it’s a lot cheaper.

Emergency healthcare for British Citizens is at no cost because of a reciprocal arrangement. GP is free for kids under 16, and subsidised up to 25. I have health insurance and 60% of costs are paid so the GP visit is $19 (£10). Some medication isn’t funded though so check on that.

The housing is pretty appalling and the transport links are non-existent compared to the UK/Europe so everyone drives.

The general vibe is a little more cohesive I.e we did really well in COVID BUT kiwis tend to keep to themselves so it is hard to find social interaction.

Moving to NZ may be a good idea but you need a stable and rational reason for doing so.
Fleeing to the other side of the world because of DH's TikTok and conspiracy theorist-fuelled anxieties is absolutely bonkers, and it will not be a panacea because the real problem is in his head and he will quickly find something else to be fearful and paranoid about. (NZ isn't some Enid Blyton paradise, and it has its cranks and fearmongers too.)
I wouldn't go. DH needs to stay off social media and touch grass, so to speak.

I've lived in both places and the UK really is much cheaper. Although it's true it is not a manufacturing nation anymore.

Cost of living is very high - it's an island so almost everything eg furniture, furnishings, cars, appliances as well as food and clothes is imported.

Yes, you are right, we can't possibly make anything in NZ! Yes, a lot of stuff is made in China, as are the goods for sale in many parts of the world. I have ordered quite a lot of clothes from the UK - none of them has a label saying "made in the UK". Food?? food?? - you have got to be joking. The area where I live provides a huge amount of vegetable seeds, exporting them to over 60 countries. I have a friend in England who tells me of all the gaps in the fruit and vege shelves in the supermarkets - never seen it here. Have you never seen produce/meat from NZ for sale in the UK?

Is the UK also not an island btw?

You can go from Manchester - Qatar - Auckland nowadays.

Oh and the family members couldn't get to see their dying parents and missed their funerals

@Abeona - all I can say is that you have some unusual family and friends!!! I don't know a single person who has directed their daughters to nursing or teaching and their sons to university.

In other parts of the country you could find yourself in a very parochial community where the church is still really important

Where I live some of the churches, which had dramatically falling congregations, have experienced a big upturn - all from migrants moving here!

I have family members and acquaintances who emigrated to NZ.

It is a stunning country.

But.

Be prepared for not seeing your family after the first couple of years - they will visit once and then not go back again due to the 30 hours plus journey, money and not be able to take lots of time off.

You will not return to the UK as often as you'd like to - it takes up a lot of annual leave as well as money and the journey is not child friendly. I flew with two young children and it was horrendous although they were very well behaved.

Cost of living is very high - it's an island so almost everything eg furniture, furnishings, cars, appliances as well as food and clothes is imported.

No free health care.

Of course you shouldn't curl up and die. If that's the criteria for curling up and dying, then I should too.

I don't have any close family near me because my parents took us to the other side of the world. I admit I resent it a bit. I look at all my friends (except one in the same position) and wish I'd had the chance to have the unique kind of relationships that family brings. I wish I'd known my grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins. It goes beyond that because my children weren't able to know all those people because I don't have them.

Even my mother said she wouldn't do it again. People would say she coped but there were definitely times where she wasn't coping so well. Outsiders would have never seen it.

I'm not saying don't do it but it's good to consider a range of experiences and I think the views of those who did it are worth mentioning.