DH wants to Move us all to NZ…

Only one person I know living in NZ has central heating. She just moved into a new build. But it still isn't as good as the central heating systems in the UK.

I only ever knew one person in NZ who had central heating - and I knew a lot of people over the years. When we moved to Australia, it was more the norm.

Hardly any houses in NZ have central heating.

I've lived in:

Wellington
Christchurch
Nelson
Blenheim
Motueka

None of the houses I've lived in have had central heating.

This is just bizarre. Where do you live? Every time I’ve been there was central heating.

@2021x It sounds a bit like Sweden but without the advantages of being 2 hours away on SAS to see friends and family- and oh Swedish housing and heating is amazing.

So reading your first post where you say he wants to relocate "because he’s had a job offer and he’s increasingly concerned about the threat of war" - and this post where you say he's wanted to visit for ages - I think you would be unreasonable to dismiss it out of hand.

My (English) brother emigrated about 18 years ago with his (Kiwi born) wife - driven largely by better quality of life in NZ, money going further for buying a property (they lived in London) and wanting a good upbringing for their toddler son.

Some 18 years on, my brother (and his wife) both remain very happy with his decision and my brother is terribly proud he now has NZ citizenship (and sent me the video clip of the ceremony).

There was some culture shock for him at the beginning - namely, the lack of multiculturalism (and lack of diverse ethnic food stuffs - he's a bit of a foodie) and 'newness of New Zealand. But then he was initially comparing Auckland with London.

The principle disadvantage for him after 15 years or so was not being able to spend time with our ageing mother with her at end life because of imited flights and their expense from NZ to UK during pandemic. (That said, other than myself, my other sub,Ines and mother's friends were not permitted to visit my mother due to Covid restrictions - so his returning to UK wouldn't have made a difference).

So I would say don’t dismiss it out of hand! Discuss further, explore your concerns and his motivations, the practicalities and whether a compromise is possible - eg a three year trial period and a plan to return. Plus pre booking a certain number of return visits.

Whilst don't agree Europe is under threat by those pesky Ruskies, I do think that more generally NZ is safer than the UK.

EDITED to say sorry for typos - but you should get the drift

New Zealand, or any other far flung place, I do not see OP's safety net.

So, they go. OP loves it - husband decides he's made the wrong decision - what is her choice? They are there due to his work. She has to leave, too.
Vice Versa - she hates it, how does she get home, and to what, can she take her child?
She is at risk of becoming a trailing spouse.
When you lose your safety net you lose your voice.

Where in NZ would you be living?

Its a very long way away from UK. I'm from NZ but not live in UK - if you are close to your extended family & friends are you prepared not to see them?

I have relatives there. If it was Spain or Sweden I would say go for it- NZ - mmm - some big upsides but huge downsides if anything goes wrong in your relationship. It's very very pricey for everything including housing (more so than UK) and things like holidays are different- nowhere is 'close' - you won't just be able to nip back on a£180 return to see friends or family at all- so depends if that bothers you and initially it can be quite co dependent as you won't have any immediate friends- I certainly wouldn't go without a good 3 weeks out there first - a very very high package etc. you can't just move back cheaply either.

You will almost certainly be aware of, if not know, my family. V early settlers in Tasman Bay.

We're VERY churchy people, so a lot of people I know in NZ are too. However, growing up in small town NZ it was always weird to others that we were churchy people, so I don't recognise NZ as being particularly religious either.

In fact, 38% of NZers identify as Christian, compared with 53% in the UK, so...

Auckland isn't the capital at all. That would be Wellington. It is, however, the largest city with a population of about 1.5 million, which is large enough for a country with 5 million people in it.

You will love New Zealand.

Research where you have the options of staying.
Don't sell your home in the UK.
Decide with DH how long you will stay before coming back to visit and plan to listen to each other about how long you work there.

Is there away for you to continue your work from NZ - even part time? This might give you choices later.

Move to New Zealand if you want to move to New Zealand, plenty of people do, it’s beautiful and offers a nice lifestyle.

Don’t move because you are concerned about war in Western Europe. Most of the news stories are largely due to the elections and defence chiefs wanting larger budgets.

My lot probably came over with you. I've mentioned where that branch are based so I won't mention their name — too well-known in the Tasman Bay area and easily ID'd.

Thinking about it, there are some sections of the community that seem to naturally gravitate to a church as the focus of their community. The ones I'm thinking of, are the immigrants from South Africa, Korea etc. . .

Given that I've pointed out that I've NOT lived in NZ 'all my life', although the majority, and it is 'my' experience both living there and not, rather than my family's and my family's neighbours, plus my visits there, I think I've got a fairly good handle on it.

Interestingly enough, my family is Nelson, Motueka, Mapua, and Marahau based, has been for 60 plus years, although my family traces it's roots in that area back to 1840.

My mother is heavily involved in the community, always has been, although not via the church, both my parents were. As with here, CofE, etc has ever diminishingly relevance and participation.

One branch of my family have a big old heritage home in Auckland. Stunning old wood, stained glass windows, single glazing, large rooms — and absolutely freezing. They don't use parts of it most of the year because the south-facing rooms are impossibly cold. I arrived in late November (think May or June here) and it was 4C in the evenings and got up to 12C during the day. Not cold enough to put their log-burning furnace on. Brrrr. I suspect this is why so many Kiwis are such active types. They keep moving to keep warm.

Exactly Natty Turtle! Some of this stuff I’m reading is absolute nonsense.
Come for a holiday….yes it’s different, we’re NOT the UK so of course there will be differences. Life in NZ is like the ‘50’s….. utter tosh!!!
You don’t come here for a duplication of Britain, if you do you are certainly going to be unhappy.

And if the unavailability of strawberries and raspberries over winter and early spring for your pav is problematic, then staying in the UK will probably suit you better. I say that not to be snide, but to say don’t expect a carbon copy of your life in Britain. Come and see what it’s like. Perfect no, nowhere is, but for our family it’s wonderful. I wish you well as you decide.

I was suprised how small it was. It’s not like a capital like London or Sydney with never ending things to do.

I've got family all over the South Island, we were first ships so it's quite a large assortment of family now. I can think of one family of a similar age to me who went to church regularly. DH and I between us have lived all over NZ and I don't recognise the country you describe, Abeona.

It’s enormously different to the UK. It also depends where in NZ you’d be based. I wouldn’t want to have to navigate across Auckland much, it’s huge now and can take an hour in bad traffic.

food is very expensive too. Having said that I’ve been four times as my cousin lives there and it’s fabulous for holidays but auntie has never been out of NZ since she got there in 1973.

my cousin drives two hours to go food shopping near Auckland at a big store every Saturday. (She’s up north). I had the opportunity to emigrate in 1987 but declined as I found it too quiet for my twenty year old self, I think they’ve caught up a lot now but I’d really do my research if I were you and definitely go for a holiday first.

I think your DH needs to read On the Beach by Nevil Shute if he thinks living in New Zealand would protect him from war.

I can think of some parts of society where that may be true. However, Gloriavale and the Closed Brethren are not reflective of mainstream society.

Perhaps, having lived all your life in NZ, you have no idea how religious your society might seem to an outsider? I have family in Nelson, Mapua and Motueka. They settled in Tasman Bay very early on. Vast family network, much of it connected through the church. CofE types, nothing radical, do a lot of good things for the homelessness and hard-up and those with mental health issues. Forever running lunches and bake sales and scout-type groups.

Last time I was there I met two sets of their neighbours, both blown in from the UK and wanting to discuss UK politics. They both commented on how so much seemed to revolve around the church. But hey, that's just my experience and clearly doesn't count.

I loved NZ when we visited it, but I wouldn't particularly want to live there.

If the job is in central Auckland then commuting is horrendous. My flight arrived in at 5.30am on a weekday morning and my aunt said it was a good job it wasn't any later as commuters already heading into work as only one way in on the bridge.

My cousin and her DH have a comparable lifestyle to ourselves in UK but live in a much smaller house because of house prices near Auckland.

I think the trouble with your DHs plans is that wherever he goes, there he is. He is looking at this as a way out ( war - what war in the UK ?) rather than as a viable way forward. I would be very reluctant to move from a solid network of family and friends, particularly if your DS may have additional needs.