Son got hair style like ex's BF

thanKyouaIMee · 06/06/2024 14:53

How old is your son? If he wants his hair styled, he wants it styled. If it's not going to hurt him / damage his hair, I don't see the problem!

LemonCitron · 06/06/2024 14:54

How old is your son? Is he old enough to decide on his own haircut?

Ginkypig · 06/06/2024 15:00

Why don’t you approve?

ManilowBarry · 06/06/2024 15:01

Why be so petty about a haircut if the child wants it?

ManilowBarry · 06/06/2024 15:02

Is the boy white and has ethnic braiding? In that case I would be annoyed.

Original poster

THISISNOTCOOLLDN · 06/06/2024 15:03

thanKyouaIMee · 06/06/2024 14:53

How old is your son? If he wants his hair styled, he wants it styled. If it's not going to hurt him / damage his hair, I don't see the problem!

he is 4

OP posts:

Original poster

THISISNOTCOOLLDN · 06/06/2024 15:03

ManilowBarry · 06/06/2024 15:01

Why be so petty about a haircut if the child wants it?

its not a haircut, its braided

OP posts:

Original poster

THISISNOTCOOLLDN · 06/06/2024 15:04

ManilowBarry · 06/06/2024 15:02

Is the boy white and has ethnic braiding? In that case I would be annoyed.

Say it louder please. the new BF is mixed race and they have been together just under a month(2nd bf in 3 months)

OP posts:

Idontjetwashthefucker · 06/06/2024 15:05

Is your son white?

BeardedLodger · 06/06/2024 15:06

I think ask your son and go from there.

Original poster

THISISNOTCOOLLDN · 06/06/2024 15:06

LemonCitron · 06/06/2024 14:54

How old is your son? Is he old enough to decide on his own haircut?

I think my issue goes beyond this be frank. He has always refused anything other than a regular 4 year old boy short hairstyle. I have asked him to keep it longer etc and he always says people will laugh at him but now this new guy comes in and within a month my son is already taking his influence. I do get it that she moved on but I think such things should be communicated as I would do the same.

OP posts:

SocksAndTheCity · 06/06/2024 15:06

Reverse.

Original poster

THISISNOTCOOLLDN · 06/06/2024 15:07

Idontjetwashthefucker · 06/06/2024 15:05

Is your son white?

As they come.

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sprigatito · 06/06/2024 15:09

I don't think you can reasonably expect to have any control over his hairstyle if he is living with his mother. If you have concerns about your son's safety and welfare that's different and you should probably go to court to have those concerns heard. Do you have 50/50 custody?

Nottherealslimshady · 06/06/2024 15:10

I don't get it. The kid liked someone's braids and asked for their hair braided too.

SilverHairedCat · 06/06/2024 15:11

THISISNOTCOOLLDN · 06/06/2024 15:06

I think my issue goes beyond this be frank. He has always refused anything other than a regular 4 year old boy short hairstyle. I have asked him to keep it longer etc and he always says people will laugh at him but now this new guy comes in and within a month my son is already taking his influence. I do get it that she moved on but I think such things should be communicated as I would do the same.

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So within a month your 4yo son has managed to grow hair long enough to braid when he had a short back and sides only 4 wwks ago?

mathanxiety · 06/06/2024 15:13

THISISNOTCOOLLDN · 06/06/2024 14:52

My son has just got his hair done like mum's new boyfriend. She knew i did not approve of such hair (braided) and even worse, the new guy did it himself.

I am not pleased with this at all and the lack of communication. If it was just a haircut i would get it but this is a full hair style that will last ages.

Should i just take him for a haircut without talking to her as she did the same here?

No, you need to step back here for the time being.

The child is not a pawn. Don't play these games with his loyalty or affection as the prize.

Bring up the subject with your ex when you have cooled down, and when you have sorted out how you really feel about your wife having a new partner.

Focus completely on being a good parent to your child. Not a Disney parent, buying the child's attention and affection, but someone who spends time with him, talks with him about stuff he is interested in, playing football, playing video games, cooking together, etc.

The hair is jarring for you, but it won't prevent you from being a great dad as long as you keep a sense of perspective and resist the temptation to retaliate, with the child caught in the middle.

Lanawashington · 06/06/2024 15:16

SilverHairedCat · 06/06/2024 15:11

So within a month your 4yo son has managed to grow hair long enough to braid when he had a short back and sides only 4 wwks ago?

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Exactly what I was just thinking. Something doesn't add up there does it

KreedKafer · 06/06/2024 15:17

THISISNOTCOOLLDN · 06/06/2024 15:04

Say it louder please. the new BF is mixed race and they have been together just under a month(2nd bf in 3 months)

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So what? It's still just hair. Your son saw the BF's hair, said 'I like your hair' and the BF said 'You want me to do yours?' What's the problem? Why don't you approve of braids?

You know they can just be unbraided, don't you? It's not equivalent to a haircut. For your son, it's a fun, temporary thing.

Who does your son actually live with? If his mother's the one who has him most of the time, then I'd say it's up to her what his hair style is as she's the one who has to style it and wash it for him the most often.

Reading between the lines, you're massively jealous about the boyfriend and think that him braiding your son's hair means he's trying to replace you or pretend your son is his. He isn't. Calm down. It's just hair. It's not a big decision about your child's life.

mathanxiety · 06/06/2024 15:19

THISISNOTCOOLLDN · 06/06/2024 15:06

I think my issue goes beyond this be frank. He has always refused anything other than a regular 4 year old boy short hairstyle. I have asked him to keep it longer etc and he always says people will laugh at him but now this new guy comes in and within a month my son is already taking his influence. I do get it that she moved on but I think such things should be communicated as I would do the same.

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"This new guy" and the assumption of his influence over your son is something you are going to work hard to get over.

You also need to stop bothering your child about his hair. That comes across as you treating the child as some sort of possession you can curate a look for, quite controlling actually, and fair dues to your son for sticking up for what he wanted.

The child has his own mind and his own taste. He doesn't "belong" to New Guy, and he doesn't "belong" to you.

There is a whole world of parenting you can create to ensure you and your son can have a strong bond and a lasting relationship. Don't blow your opportunity by dragging him into jealousy games. Have confidence in your own self and the place you will have in your child's life if you can rise above this and build something solid.

KreedKafer · 06/06/2024 15:19

THISISNOTCOOLLDN · 06/06/2024 15:06

I think my issue goes beyond this be frank. He has always refused anything other than a regular 4 year old boy short hairstyle. I have asked him to keep it longer etc and he always says people will laugh at him but now this new guy comes in and within a month my son is already taking his influence. I do get it that she moved on but I think such things should be communicated as I would do the same.

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Short back and sides to braidable length in just a month?

Yeah, this didn't happen, did it?

Original poster

THISISNOTCOOLLDN · 06/06/2024 15:20

sprigatito · 06/06/2024 15:09

I don't think you can reasonably expect to have any control over his hairstyle if he is living with his mother. If you have concerns about your son's safety and welfare that's different and you should probably go to court to have those concerns heard. Do you have 50/50 custody?

Custody is not an issue at all, its just the lack of communication on this matter

OP posts:

mathanxiety · 06/06/2024 15:21

THISISNOTCOOLLDN · 06/06/2024 15:04

Say it louder please. the new BF is mixed race and they have been together just under a month(2nd bf in 3 months)

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Please try to be the adult here.

Ignore the hair for now.

Provide stability and calm for your child. Be a good, solid parent for him.

Original poster

THISISNOTCOOLLDN · 06/06/2024 15:21

KreedKafer · 06/06/2024 15:19

Short back and sides to braidable length in just a month?

Yeah, this didn't happen, did it?

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sides are always short, the top is long-ish and it's braided as I type this. what do I benefit from log in here as a grown man to ask this question on mumsnet? wtf

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beAsensible1 · 06/06/2024 15:23

It’s just braids. And if he’s white they won’t last very long.

i think you’re making a mountain out of a molehill.
He’s a new interesting person, so your child is just Intrigued.
I wouldn’t take it personally or sour your co parenting relationship over a braid.