Expecting 73 year old mother to travel to visit us?

Err, I am not really sure what you are getting at here? OP is, I think, fine to see her mum 3x per year so what would she be fighting?

She still can't just expect her mother to do it. If she can't face doing it she can't and that's it. If she wants to see her DD enough she will find a way, if not they just have 3 visits a year. How can she "fight" it, her mother is an adult and she can make decisions about where she wants to go and where she feels able to go.

I am 71 and spend one or two (seperate) weeks with my daughter in Nottingham. I am retired she and her DH work full time and have a lot on at weekends. If I want to see them and my grandson I have to make the effort. 1 hour tube to Victoria Coach station, 3 hours to Nottingham she picks me up from the town centre usually on a Saturday then reverse 7/8 days later.

Exactly @Coaltodiamonds - and I think a lot of posters are missing the trying to boss OP about part.

In one way it doesn't sound like it's really about the travel. It's about your DMs attitude of my way or the highway. She"s basically said 'I'm not travelling to you any more you'll have to come to me, when I find it convenient, oh and I want you to come alone', rather than 'I'm finding the travel a bit difficult now I'm getting older, can we try and find a way to still see each other as regularly?'.

The second one would get an entirely different response from me, the first one I'd be like 'er no sorry that doesn't work for me'

I'm 72, DH is 78 this year. I do travel long distances by train and public transport but make sure I don't have much with me as I find dragging luggage around is a bit exhausting. DH doesn't go anywhere unless he can drive.

My DM used to drive from Henley to London or across London to Kent to visit me or my sister in her 80's, the second journey was pretty busy (the M25) and she did occasionally go the wrong way! However she drove until she was in her late 80's though by that time I used go to to pick her up as I was no longer working.
73 is really no age at all and your DM does sound a bit unreasonable.

Could you both compromise by her getting the train then you picking her up from the station, no tubes involved, or you do the tube part of the journey with her?

If you say so <shrug>

Seems I've touched a nerve!

If you say so.

I wasn't 'guilting' her. I was stating fact. Make decisions based on all the facts. You'll see my original comment made no judgement and said whatever decision she makes. Her 'guilt' is her emotion, not mine or one that I suggested.

OP has already stated that she knows this, owing to her father’s death, and has asked posters not to guilt her about it.

A different possibility is that OP’s mum lives another 15 years but OP misses out on career opportunities and times with her kids because she’s up and down the motorway every other week or whatever. It’s a balance.

If you think you will know when 'that time is' trust me, from bitter experience you may not. My parent dropped dead unexpectedly, no ill health, no warning. Waved goodbye after I visited and the next day gone. You don't always have a warning.

Could she afford to get a taxi or uber to replace the tube part of the journey? Could you store some clothes, toiletries, etc at your house so she only needs to bring a small bag, not a suitcase?

And OP has also said that she would prefer to make the journey by train.,. But i imagine as she has childcare and career (?) responsibilities, she cannot go mid week on her own, as her mum wants, and it would be expensive to take the whole family on the train.

So suggesting Op tries the train journey doesn’t really solve anything.

Or maybe she’s entirely fine with seeing her mum 3 times a year.

She’s not 73 and she’s not doing it on public transport. Maybe she should go by train some time so she can see for herself what it’s like.

I am in no way saying the tube is fun, but if you take it midday on a Tuesday, or whatever, there are unlikely to be massive crowds.

One way around the luggage would be DM storing a case of spare clothes and wash bag at OP’s, if DM wanted to look for answers.

Again, I think it is fair enough if DM doesn’t want to do the journey any more - but that doesn’t mean DM gets OP to do more than she can.

I'm not surprised. Having to negotiate massive crowds, escalators, juggling luggage etc. What if the lifts or escalators are broken. What if there's nowhere to sit on the train or it's cancelled. All very well and fine when you're 50 but it's a disaster when you're 70 plus. Even a minor fall at that age can have very severe consequences. You are also generally slower at that age both mentally and physically. Your coping mechanisms are depleted and you feel very vulnerable.

And OP is making that journey the other way, 3x per year.

I don't think you should feel guilty but I also don't think you should expect her to make the journey. It is the same distance both ways.

Lots of us over 70s don't seem to like the tube.

My journey was a bit like that, couple of days after the last strikes, train cancelled so my reservation disappeared. I thought it would ease at Reading as normally a lot seem to leave there but hardly anyone got off and no one from my carriage. It was horrendous but at least I was only going to Exeter so more like 3 hours.

I’m about to pick my 78 yr old MIL up from the station after a three hour journey, including one change. My mum is 75, and drives 100s of miles to visit friends. However, neither of them dearly love the Tube (escalators with luggage seem to be a major concern). Could you meet her in London and do the last bit of the journey with her?

As my parents have got older I have gone up to visit more often. My own children had grown up and I reduced to part-time for the last few years I was working, so it was doable. Now my Dad has died I am going a lot more often because I want to and I think my Mum needs the company and support. I do, however, frequently remember that it was their decision to move to a Scottish island when they retired, 400 miles and a complicated journey from us, instead of 200 miles and really easy journey, as they were before. They knew they would see less of us as a result and they went ahead anyway. I'm OK with this. We lived a long way from my grandparents or extended family for most of my childhood. Very different from many on MN, I think.