Expecting 73 year old mother to travel to visit us?

I know people of a variety of ages who will travel to their foreign holidays but have never been to London or travelled across it as they percieve it as confusing and difficult. That might account for some of ops mum's reluctance.

I understand that you can't travel to collect your mum OP, you have children and a husband. If your mum is mobile and sounds like she is with travelling abroad etc, I think it is reasonable that she travels on buses/trains to see you. That said, it seems your mum has made up her mind. You will need to compromise and make alternative plans to see each other

I agree. Currently, I have difficulty because I have pulled a ligament in my left leg. It does not stop me driving because I drive an automatic (because I am hard on gearboxes not because of any disability). My (recently) late DH relied entirely on me to drive (never learned though he could sail/ride?!), so I understand the limitations. But I just get on with it. If I have to do it I do it. If I became totally immobile - as my late DM did - I would get help from family, I know, but I hope I will be hale for some years yet whilst being aware disaster may be around the corner (because I just experienced one). My point about the OP's DM is that she can travel by plane to see other relatives but not the OP, so it looks like either she does not like OP's family, or she is being awkward on purpose.

You're her baby and that is actually lovely, sure it's a shame she isn't as close as she might be to your kids but that's OK because they are your babies and have you love love them.

Glad the visit went well and you have a plan for the future

Thanks for the update, and your honesty @Frazzledmum77 . And I'm glad that this thread helped you to see where her reluctance was coming from. I hope your plans work out well for all parties.

@Frazzledmum77 it's hard when you see they can't do as much as they could or are nervous about it.

Thanks for the update OP. Glad to hear the visit went well!

@angela1952 surely it depends on how much it takes it out of you. MIL has a degenerative illness, so not too badly impacted at the moment, but we do notice the difference from a couple of years ago. But who knows what she will be capable of in the next few years, no matter how much she wants to see family. And as I said she was fit and healthy 2 years ago, much fitter than me to be honest!

It can but sometimes it doesn't matter how much you want to see them because you just can't. Not me at the moment, I'm 70 and have grandchildren in 5 different locations up to 350 miles apart, I visit all over the place but that doesn't mean every 70 year old can or that I will be able to in the next year or ten years.

It takes it out of all of us when we're over 70, but how much you can do it also depends how much you want to see your family.

My MIL is in 70s, a couple of years ago very fit and healthy, 2 years later she is suffering from various ailments. Can still travel independently but it takes it out of her.

Do you live near a regional airport OP. That would mean that your DM could take a short flight and then a taxi from the airport.
You have my sympathy though. My DM decided it was too far to drive to see us in her late 60s - that was a 1 hour journey. This obviously meant less frequent visits.

If you're 74, you should be well aware that not everyone of your age is having such an easy time of aging.
I'm (so far) one of the lucky ones at 68. But some of my friends and acquaintances, through no fault of their own, have all kinds of restrictions when it comes to travel.

While we can make generalisations about what a teenager is and what someone in their 30s can do, when it comes to past retirement age, there is no such thing as a typical 70 year old, physically and cognitively. The range is far wider than with other demographics.

None of us has room to be smug about 'well I can do it!' because physical and psychological limitations could hit us at any time, as it has with some of my peers. I'm SO fortunate to still able to backpack solo in difficult countries. My friend would love to do so, but she can barely manage the steps up to her house. And another has lost confidence through grief, since losing her partner, even though she's always been a very independent person. So I know only too well that my life could change hugely on the flip of a coin.

I am non-plussed at a 73-year-old woman being worried about train journeys. My mother used to do this, and use coaches, from London, in her 80s. I am prepared to do it now, or drive (used to visit DM) and I am 74. It's game playing.

CBA, tbh. Have a good day.

Ok, bye bye

That is a follow on to fighting it, does she fight it or just make peace with it. Obviously the sensible thing is to make peace with it because however much she fights it she can't make her mother do a journey she isn't comfortable doing.

That's great but I was explaining the "fighting it" point which you didn't understand. Now you know that it was the OP who introduced that, not me, so if you want to know what she'd be fighting you could ask her.

Well you can't control other people. So if your mother doesn't want to visit you just need to accept this I think.

I also think it's fine for you to see her as many - or as few - times a year as you want to.

I wouldn't be wasting time and energy in fighting anything or feeling guilty either.

And I’m taking my cue from this later post by OP. HTH.

“what I am saying is that I’m not going to double the amount of trips because she won’t travel the other way. so we will see less of each other overall, perhaps only three times per year rather than six. I guess both of us will need to make our peace with that. “

Ok. I read the first post when the thread was started <shrug>

Maybe read the first post? Just to help I'll quote what she said, "We’ll see a lot less of her if she’s not prepared to travel, her house is tiny and we can’t stay with her as a family. Not sure whether to fight this or just accept it?"

You do realise that not everyone is the same at 73 don't you. Lots of people have health issues in their 70s, covid showed us how people's age affected their ability to cope with what could be anything from a mild cold to a killer. How about postmenopausal women, and they all will be in their 70s, sometimes that affects health e.g. osteoporosis or it can affect confidence. I've been diagnosed with osteoporosis this year and it has made me much more aware of the dangers of crowds/stairs and the sort of situations you can get on the tube.

Regardless you feeling OK about it doesn't mean another woman has to feel the same.