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Original poster

Men at work referring to woman as "it"

69 replies

tothebeachplease · 06/06/2024 10:50

I work in a predominantly male environment and the conversations are really quite vile about women but it's male to male conversation and I keep myself to myself at work.
I have learned to ignore it mostly because I need to concentrate on what I'm doing but AIBU to think it's really not ok that everytime they talk about a woman whoever it is they refer to them as "it"?
Not her, she, them just "it" and yes it is all of them.

OP posts:
Carouselfish · 06/06/2024 14:19

I think it would look better and be taken better to confront it directly. 'I don't care about xyz but the whole calling women 'it' thing is really fucking painful to listen to. I know you might think you're joking but it makes me never want to go near a man ever again. Can you leave it out?'

AGodawfulsmallaffair · 06/06/2024 14:11

tothebeachplease · 06/06/2024 11:05

I don't have a union but the manager and boss are male and I really don't want to make myself unpopular so I'd rather not be the butt of their jokes.

I wouldn’t give a shiny shit if I was unpopular with men like this. You either call them out every time, report them, or leave. Join a union.

LakeTiticaca · 06/06/2024 14:10

I've worked in predominantly male environments and heard some pretty ribald stuff, mainly back in the 70s when I was a teenager. Never heard any men referring to women as it though, the younger me wouldn't have challenged it but now if heard this they would get told in no uncertain terms to reign it in!!

Wigtopia · 06/06/2024 14:07

QuickDraining · 06/06/2024 13:44

Intrigued to know the industry?

I'm going to guess construction.

firstandfinal · 06/06/2024 14:06

I don't know what men want really. They never seem to be happy.
From the outside it looks as though their anger stems from a lack of sex which they feel is unfair or unjust.
Then again they seem to run down any woman who does have sex with anyone.
It's as if they want all woman to be virgins with self respect who will have sex when asked otherwise they're frigid.

QuickDraining · 06/06/2024 13:44

Intrigued to know the industry?

QuickDraining · 06/06/2024 13:40

I have never heard a man refer to a woman as 'it'. Apart from John Lydon on I'm a celebrity talking about Jordan because she didn't pull her weight around the camp. It was pretty entertaining. Heck me and my peer group cringe at man bants.

Nouvellenovel · 06/06/2024 13:39

@tothebeachplease keep your head down and find another job.

My dsis spoke up about racism, she was bullied until she was ill. And that was a scottish tax office.

OnGoldenPond · 06/06/2024 13:33

Allthehorsesintheworld · 06/06/2024 13:01

I’d have to speak out. “It? Really? You’d like your daughter, wife, mother spoken about like that? “ On repeat with my withering though pitying look.

Unfortunately, sounds like they are referring to their own wives in that way. Just no point having a conversation with these vile specimens. If there was any possibility of support from a HR department might be worth having a word. However, as the manager and owner is joining in, you have no chance. Just get your CV out there and get another job. I promise most workplaces are definitely not like this.

ScarlettSunset · 06/06/2024 13:27

Definitely start looking for another job. I work in a male dominated industry and I've never had to put up with this. There have been men who have behaved a little like that but they were out on their ear pretty sharpish.
It's likely that somewhere else would be far better.

Naunet · 06/06/2024 13:24

mycatisanarcissist · 06/06/2024 12:55

Disgusting and I would report it to HR. Would they refer to Jewish, black or disabled people as 'it'?

Presumably some of the women they discuss are Jewish, black or disabled (or from some other minority), so yes!

Esgaroth · 06/06/2024 13:11

Allthehorsesintheworld · 06/06/2024 13:01

I’d have to speak out. “It? Really? You’d like your daughter, wife, mother spoken about like that? “ On repeat with my withering though pitying look.

I doubt that would give them pause for thought. That kind of man doesn't respect women full stop, whether they're related to him or not. OP says they are already talking about each other's wives in that way. They'll just laugh in her face and keep right on.

OP needs to escalate this to someone who cannot ignore it if possible, or sadly just leave for her own self preservation.

muddyford · 06/06/2024 13:04

longdistanceclaraclara · 06/06/2024 12:57

Seriously?! I work in a male dominated industry and it would absolutely not be tolerated.

Show quote history

Same here! Lots of male banter, some of it very funny, but never anything like this.

Allthehorsesintheworld · 06/06/2024 13:01

I’d have to speak out. “It? Really? You’d like your daughter, wife, mother spoken about like that? “ On repeat with my withering though pitying look.

ClickClickety · 06/06/2024 13:01

I'd keep my head down and move job. Making any sort of complaint or report would get messy and they're not going to become nice people after a training session. They'll be vile to you. I promise other places won't be as bad as that.

LaBelleEtLeBadBoy · 06/06/2024 13:01

Fucking hell, where do you work?

Finleyandfigg · 06/06/2024 13:00

I worked 30 years in a very male dominated environment and never heard this. I’ve never heard a man refer to a woman as an it so it may not be the norm. It’s disgraceful and disgusting. If I were you I’d start looking for a new job. I wonder what these men are like with the women in their lives.

longdistanceclaraclara · 06/06/2024 12:57

sugarsugarsugar · 06/06/2024 11:31

I think if you're going to work in a male dominated industry that's what you're going to expect.
I work on the front desk in a garage and I can hear the mechanics in the back and there's a lot of banter.
I enjoy my job though so I don't let it get to me, it's not all the time surely.

Seriously?! I work in a male dominated industry and it would absolutely not be tolerated.

mycatisanarcissist · 06/06/2024 12:56

It isn't "banter", like someone else suggested. It's purposely dehumanising a group of people - women.

mycatisanarcissist · 06/06/2024 12:55

Disgusting and I would report it to HR. Would they refer to Jewish, black or disabled people as 'it'?

Naunet · 06/06/2024 12:53

tothebeachplease · 06/06/2024 11:47

It's not to woman's faces, it's more when they're talking about women in general which seems to be most of the time or about their partners/wives or famous woman or someone they know.
For example one says what a woman said another says
I'd tell it ...
or It probably thinks ...
Or look at the ... on it.
And of course there the sexual what they'd do to it.
And once when wondering who's wife, I heard who's is that bit of stuff?
Talking about it to a manager isn't an option as they are well aware of their conversations and laugh along especially if it's a famous person etc.
I just find it disgusting but I really don't think anyone thinks they're doing anything wrong because that's just how they talk.

I know it's time to look for another job but I don't know if it'll be any better somewhere else.

Vile. Start referring to them as ‘it’ or take it to a tribunal if your manager or the HR Team do nothing about it, it’s almost guaranteed you’d win.

jeaux90 · 06/06/2024 12:27

sugarsugarsugar · 06/06/2024 11:31

I think if you're going to work in a male dominated industry that's what you're going to expect.
I work on the front desk in a garage and I can hear the mechanics in the back and there's a lot of banter.
I enjoy my job though so I don't let it get to me, it's not all the time surely.

No we are 51% of the population so I do not expect this.

I work in tech, male dominated and if any of them spoke like this they would get a warning then fired

Begsthequestion · 06/06/2024 12:03

There's strength in numbers. Have you discussed this at all with other women at work? It might strengthen your resolve and make you feel less isolated there. Perhaps you can make a plan to go to management together.

enjoyingsomedowntime · 06/06/2024 12:03

You only have to read some of the comments on fb posts by men (sorry kings as they calls themselves now) to see how normalised it's become.
There's lots of strong independent woman slurs.
Woman are either, gold diggers, entitled, desperate, whores, users, teases or trying to screw men over.
Most men telling other men to avoid woman on these basis and judging them as for the street then moaning that they can't have the sex they feel entitled to.

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