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Original poster

To not want to do today

35 replies

dontwannadotoday · 06/06/2024 06:42

I have my children with me.

God that’s such a horrible comment … They are actually lovely kids but both of them together are a nightmare. One is three and a half and one is 11 months. Individually they aren’t hard. Together … my god. The baby clings to me. I am a human climbing frame. If I stay still for a moment she starts grabbing me and trying to climb. Prising her off isn’t easy.

They won’t leave one another alone. 3 year old is in the baby’s face all the time which knocks her off balance as she’s trying to stand and cruise using furniture, she grabs at his face and hair which makes him whinge but he won’t actually stop getting in her face. She touches one of his toys and it’s outrage.

The baby is really fighting her afternoon nap. You can get her down but it takes a good ten minutes and even with TV downstairs the 3 year old follows me ‘mummy, mummy, mummy’ so she doesn’t nap. By the end of the day she’s horrendously grumpy, the 3 year old is manic and playing up as has been ignored and I hate it all.

ugh. I feel awful as they are lovely. But not together.

OP posts:
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Original poster
dontwannadotoday · 06/06/2024 21:11

MaryMaryVeryContrary · 06/06/2024 20:44

YES OP. I have a nearly 5 year old and a 1 year old and OMG when I have just 1 of them I barely feel like I’m parenting, they’re a delight. Together they’re an absolute nightmare - fighting over toys, jealous, both wanting my attention, laughter and games that turns to tears, trying to snatch each others food, ‘they got more than me’, the oldest waking the youngest from his nap and complaining about his nappy changes (‘it stinks mummy’). Totally understand how you feel. No amount of ‘helpful’ advice about ‘just distract one while you deal with the other’ will cut the mustard, I think we just have to ride it out.

OMG yes. The waking from naps - whhhhy. I can give you so much more one to one when she’s asleep but no, you have to wake her up. And then she’s grumpy and clingy so you don’t get a look in …

Sometimes think I should have stayed at one but I love them both so … just need a nanny to take one while I have the other.

OP posts:
Mrsjayy · 06/06/2024 21:07

dontwannadotoday · 06/06/2024 20:40

They are, thank you. DDs naps went haywire but we survived, just.

I do feel guilty though, I feel like I should be enjoying them rather than tolerating them and I do when I have them one at a time!

Honestly I think what you are feeling is normal most parents with young kids just wing it and get through the day.

MaryMaryVeryContrary · 06/06/2024 20:44

YES OP. I have a nearly 5 year old and a 1 year old and OMG when I have just 1 of them I barely feel like I’m parenting, they’re a delight. Together they’re an absolute nightmare - fighting over toys, jealous, both wanting my attention, laughter and games that turns to tears, trying to snatch each others food, ‘they got more than me’, the oldest waking the youngest from his nap and complaining about his nappy changes (‘it stinks mummy’). Totally understand how you feel. No amount of ‘helpful’ advice about ‘just distract one while you deal with the other’ will cut the mustard, I think we just have to ride it out.

Original poster
dontwannadotoday · 06/06/2024 20:40

They are, thank you. DDs naps went haywire but we survived, just.

I do feel guilty though, I feel like I should be enjoying them rather than tolerating them and I do when I have them one at a time!

OP posts:
Mrsjayy · 06/06/2024 20:21

How was your day are they in bed?

Original poster
dontwannadotoday · 06/06/2024 09:16

And no one is being regimented with naps. It’s not like we get to 13:06 and DD has to nap. The issue is at the moment we are a way off putting her in a cot and leaving her to it. We will get there but not any time soon - so at the moment naps are hard work and like a lot of babies the more tired she gets the harder it is for her to sleep. Acknowledging that if she wakes at 6 she’ll need a nap around 9 is no more regimented than having lunch at around midday is.

OP posts:
Original poster
dontwannadotoday · 06/06/2024 09:14

You’re an adult @onlyjustme Babies are a bit different.

Working full time is definitely not the solution: my job is horrible. It will come right.

OP posts:
HcbSS · 06/06/2024 08:56

Full time nursery and increase your hours at work OP.

onlyjustme · 06/06/2024 08:55

I never put my babies down to nap unless they were actually tired...
I don't go to bed at set times. I can't sleep unless I am tired. So I never expected my children to be on a timer. Some days I'm more active and need more sleep. Other days I stay up late.
You learn to spot the signs. When they need to be settled and when they aren't ready for sleep. And those times when you do have to keep them awake just a bit longer or bedtime will be a nightmare.
I also never let them nap in the cot - that was for night time sleep only. They slept in the travel cot (used as a play pen) or the pushchair. DS would sometimes climb in his pushchair by himself and go to sleep!!!
My point is stop being so regimented with naps. Go with the flow a bit more. As long as they aren't staying up all night and sleeping all day (they will when they are teenagers...)
The days are long but the years are short.

Original poster
dontwannadotoday · 06/06/2024 08:13

We don’t actually have a baby monitor but even if we did I’m not sure what difference it would make. It is just a moan: I’m not expecting magic solutions but the baby is nearly one, she won’t sleep with a tablet blaring and the three year old would be ‘mummy mummy mummy’ all the way through anyway.

I am back to work in a couple of weeks and I’m conscious that my life will be these two horrible days then three days in a job I also don’t like (I’m such a ray of sunshine!)

It will get better …

OP posts:
TeenDivided · 06/06/2024 08:02

What if you take the 3yo up with you with a quiet toy, ( or even a tablet and headphones?)

Mrsjayy · 06/06/2024 07:54

Your 3 year old is a he sorry.

Hb7x3 · 06/06/2024 07:50

dontwannadotoday · 06/06/2024 07:37

Ah @FusionChefGeoff this is where individually he’s great. With the baby he isn’t so great. Yes, ideally he’d follow instructions promptly and respectfully but … that’s not realistic for most three year olds and even if it was there will be times where misunderstandings happen or my fail safe strict approach fails. Because that’s life: no child is 100% compliant all the time.

We will get through, I just dread it a bit. And I’ve got one more full year of it before the eldest starts school 😫

I think sometimes just having a moan and people agreeing with you that's it's a bit shit helps to be honest.

It is shit sometimes op, I often dread weekends where I'm on my own with my 2 and 5 year old. It's hard!!

Mrsjayy · 06/06/2024 07:48

3 year olds have Fomo of course she won't stop following you about 😂 do you give her little jobs to do,.does she like to help

FusionChefGeoff · 06/06/2024 07:47

Fair dos - wasn't sure how far along the gentle parenting scale you were Grin

How about the baby monitor on in the Tv room so he can see / hear you upstairs??

Original poster
dontwannadotoday · 06/06/2024 07:44

I don’t think he’s following me to be purposefully disobedient. It’s more he’s three and twenty minutes feels like hours and he gets a bit confused and probably nervous. So incentives and sticks wouldn’t work.

OP posts:
Everleigh13 · 06/06/2024 07:41

@dontwannadotoday What happens if you give him an incentive to stay downstairs? I tell my DD I’ll play playdoh / crafts / dolls etc when I come down once the baby is asleep if she doesn’t interrupt us.

Original poster
dontwannadotoday · 06/06/2024 07:37

Ah @FusionChefGeoff this is where individually he’s great. With the baby he isn’t so great. Yes, ideally he’d follow instructions promptly and respectfully but … that’s not realistic for most three year olds and even if it was there will be times where misunderstandings happen or my fail safe strict approach fails. Because that’s life: no child is 100% compliant all the time.

We will get through, I just dread it a bit. And I’ve got one more full year of it before the eldest starts school 😫

OP posts:
FusionChefGeoff · 06/06/2024 07:33

I'd work on fixing the 3 year old following you - once he's better at following instructions / doing as you've asked, life becomes so much easier all round.

This is not going to be easy and is likely to involve one epic battle day - but hopefully that will reset the behaviour.

sit down and explain how important it is and that if he leaves you alone you will get to do xyz but if he interrupts then we can't. The carrot.

You also need to give him a "stick" I'm afraid - so a more immediate consequence every time he comes to find you. I'd treat it like bedtime, go grey rock and return him back to the TV every time. "It's quiet time now" and keep doing that until he gives up / realises there's no point coming out.

Like I say, probably won't work immediately and you'll miss babies nap that day, but hopefully the next day will be smoother

Sprogonthetyne · 06/06/2024 07:33

Probably get judged for this on but when mine were these ages I use to go to the McDonald's drive through in the next town over on particularly bad days. 20 minutes there would get baby at sleep, then toddler would sit in the car eating happy meal in the carpark, then we'd drive back. Baby would get an hours sleep and toddler was contained in car seat.

Whyoohwhyohwhyyyy · 06/06/2024 07:30

Ah OP these days are SO hard. I just wanted to say things will start to get so much easier within a few months. Mine are 19 months apart and I found things started to improve once baby was walking. They're now 3 and 4 and it's actually now easier when they're together as they keep each other entertained.

Can you take them to a soft play with a baby section, or maybe go for a walk with baby in pram to give you a break from being climbed on? You've got this!

Original poster
dontwannadotoday · 06/06/2024 07:24

She used to sleep in the pram but no chance now 😅 too nosey.

She wouldn’t sleep on the bed if I was reading a story and I doubt my three year old would stay still either! It isn’t forever but it’s tough at the moment. When dd was tiny there were other challenges but naps just happened very much as and when. Now she’s on two naps but if something goes awry with one of them it has a knock on effect on everything else, and it is nearly always the case on a day I have them both.

OP posts:
Mrsjayy · 06/06/2024 07:22

SauvignonBlonk · 06/06/2024 07:18

My friend used to lay down with all hers on the bed. Could you do this with yours? Could you read the 3 year old a story and little one nod off? Maybe a story that involves creeping about…which you could both do at the end.
I remember the ‘being climbed on’ days, not with fondness. They will pass.

This is what I used to do stick.a dvd on for dc1.and dc2 would nap.

SauvignonBlonk · 06/06/2024 07:18

My friend used to lay down with all hers on the bed. Could you do this with yours? Could you read the 3 year old a story and little one nod off? Maybe a story that involves creeping about…which you could both do at the end.
I remember the ‘being climbed on’ days, not with fondness. They will pass.

Jk987 · 06/06/2024 07:17

What about going for a walk in the afternoon with baby in the buggy and 3 yr old walking or scootering? Will baby drop off in the buggy?

On other days, do you have a relative or friend who can come round for a cuppa and watch 3yr old while you put baby down for her nap?