Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Partner swanning off on holiday

109 replies

Ohhhmyygoddd · 05/06/2024 19:50

As the title says really. I have known about this for sometime but this is exactly the problem. I get told that he's is doing it things and not exactly consulted.
He's going off on a lads holiday for five days and me and DS are obviously staying at home. I was riled anyway because it's just inconsiderate, planned and booked and paid for and then I'm told he is going. To top it off it's not like we can even afford it. So we'll be skint for the rest of the month now too!

He's gone off to sleep in the spare room as he has to be up early hours and doesn't want to b woken up. I feel a bit annoyed that hes unwilling to even share a bed on the last night before he goes away. He hasn't even said bye to DS before he went to bed. We've spent the whole day pratting around trying to get everything sorted for him. I just feel like he's being selfish. But when I mention anything I'm th selfish one. I do have very severe anxiety disorder and it is made worse when I'm on my own and the thought of having five while days just be and DS fills me with dread. I'm so anxious of something bad happening and being alone, or something happening to me while he is away however I haven't voiced these concerns to him because I know he will turn it on me.

Just to add he is always going on lads trips, at least once every couple months and in between those he will hav several nights out and other days out. Am I being unreasonable to be slightly annoyed. I don't want to deny him any time with his friends but at th same time how is it fair. He doesn't think of his family he just does it jat he wants to do and sod everyone else!

OP posts:
Ohhhmyygoddd · 05/06/2024 20:17

Applesandpairsofrocks · 05/06/2024 20:00

I can’t imagine this is a new behaviour based on your post so I’ll do the mumsnet cliche of saying yabu to have a child with someone like this thinking they’d change

Sat it's not. However I did think that when we had our DS that family would come first. Evidently not. He thinks because he works full tim.amd.i don't that he's entitled which yes he deserves some down time but five days abroad is a bit much.

OP posts:
mrlistersgelfbride · 05/06/2024 20:17

My partner does several times a year. Always has done, even when DD was a baby. I've learnt to enjoy the peace.
It's fair enough as long as you make sure you get your free time back.
But if he makes a habit of it I wouldn't have any more kids with him unless you have support.

Ohhhmyygoddd · 05/06/2024 20:16

sandorschicken · 05/06/2024 20:02

"We've spent the whole day pratting around trying to get everything sorted for him."

Why have you pratted about sorting everything for him?

Packing his bag, him wanting help with choosing his clothes and outfits, getting travel money, etc basically he's unorganized and then expects me to help at the last min.

OP posts:
Ohhhmyygoddd · 05/06/2024 20:14

Mrsttcno1 · 05/06/2024 20:00

Do you also get time free to have nights out/holidays with your friends OP? Having that time to spend with your friends or doing something for yourself is really important but it has to be fair and equal, it’s not fair for him to always make plans with his friends if that doesn’t leave you time to make plans with yours.

I do think trips away should be discussed before they are agreed and booked, not because you need permission but just as a courtesy, especially once there are children involved, DH & I would always check that it’s okay before committing because whoever is going to be left looking after the child may also have plans/work etc.

Does he also have dedicated “family” time?

I don’t personally think that in a family anybody should make decisions about trips/nights away without at least discussing it with partner first to make sure it’s all okay!

I don't go anywhere, for a number of reasons, I actually don't have many close friends to do anything with, secondly my anxiety limits me.

OP posts:
GreekVases · 05/06/2024 20:07

I can’t imagine grudging DH a holiday as long as he was equally happy for me to take regular time away (which we both do). Plus surely it makes sense for him to sleep alone so he doesn’t wake you when he’s leaving? What was it you were doing to ‘get him ready’ — how can a give-day trip require that much admin/packing that can’t be done by the person travelling?

And your anxiety sounds very high for a five-day separation — are you getting help with it?

IWantToBeASleepingCat · 05/06/2024 20:07

He's either a family man
. Partner/ Dad or single.
Looks like he's acting like he's single.

sandorschicken · 05/06/2024 20:02

"We've spent the whole day pratting around trying to get everything sorted for him."

Why have you pratted about sorting everything for him?

Applesandpairsofrocks · 05/06/2024 20:00

I can’t imagine this is a new behaviour based on your post so I’ll do the mumsnet cliche of saying yabu to have a child with someone like this thinking they’d change

Mrsttcno1 · 05/06/2024 20:00

Do you also get time free to have nights out/holidays with your friends OP? Having that time to spend with your friends or doing something for yourself is really important but it has to be fair and equal, it’s not fair for him to always make plans with his friends if that doesn’t leave you time to make plans with yours.

I do think trips away should be discussed before they are agreed and booked, not because you need permission but just as a courtesy, especially once there are children involved, DH & I would always check that it’s okay before committing because whoever is going to be left looking after the child may also have plans/work etc.

Does he also have dedicated “family” time?

I don’t personally think that in a family anybody should make decisions about trips/nights away without at least discussing it with partner first to make sure it’s all okay!

Swipe left for the next trending thread