Two of his exs have said the same thing. Would you ignore it?

You'd be an absolute fool to ignore it.

doesn't like to be 'disobeyed'

Run. I had an ex who used those words a few times and I ignored it as he was mostly really nice. Took me SEVEN years to realize the control and emotional abuse I was under. It creeps up. You wake up one day and realize WTF have I been doing?? That "one day" is usually around the time you get married or have kids. Luckily, in my case, the abuse ramped up after we got married but before I got pregnant. So I left.

Sometime in middle of the divorce I asked him how the hell he thought he could treat me like that? His words: "well, I didn't think you would leave, we're married now."

Well as long as you don't disobey him then all should be good. 🤨 seriously I would laugh right in his face if he said that to me and ask him who the fuck he thinks he is urgh sack him off because he sounds like a right cock

Yes, this first reply nails it. A partner is not there to be obeyed.

Huge massive red flags here hon, one ex saying this would have me worried, two would have me running for the hills, but in your situation I'd not have got to the exes tbh as he'd have been kicked to the curb for the disobeying comment. Get out girl! 💐

Get out now

I'd be more concerned by what he's said himself. "Doesn't like to be disobeyed," is quite sinister. It would be impossible to say from your post whether his ex-girlfriends' claims of emotional abuse are to be trusted, but if they're independently saying similar things I'd take them very seriously.

You would be foolish to ignore this. The man is an abuser.

If you don't believe the exes and don't believe posters here, it's an easy one to test isn't it.

Just 'disobey' him a couple of times and let him show you himself.

And this kind of condescending belittling language is exactly what he'll be saying to the OP and she's probably heard in her childhood. You're just cementing his hold over her.

OP, yes, I would believe them.

Not true. There are many examples of women whose male partners haven't shown their true colours for considerably longer than that. And many abused women realise they've suffered the 'boiled frog' syndrome and hadn't fully realised how his coercive control insidiously ramped up.

It also depends on whether and how long they've lived together.

I have noticed that he does like things his way and doesn't like to be 'disobeyed' (his words).

JFC, op. What more do you need to hear? Your judgement must be very, very poor for you to still be with this man after a comment like that.

This.

Are you actually serious? Two of his ex's have told you the exact same thing and he needs to be obeyed? Do you really need to be told that this is not a good man.
Out of interest- what happens when you don't obey your master?

I guess the answer to your question is, if you read this as a post someone else had put on MN what would your reaction be ? There seem to be at least 3 red flags, 2 exs and the word “disobeyed”. Sadly, controlling / abusive people can’t change , no matter how much we think it will be different for us, and often the signs are subtle initially but build over time.

Perhaps think about your behaviour in the last 12 months around him - Have you unconsciously adapted behaviour so you don’t upset him or “disobey” him to keep the peace ? Have any of your friends taken a step back or you don’t get to see them as much ? Have you been persuaded to dress differently / change your make up ? Who makes all the decisions about where / when you go out as a couple or individually ? ……………..

I suspect you probably have already worked out an answer for yourself but are seeking reassurance by posting on MN ? Time to step away

Run. Honestly, run. The only man who used the word disobey to me was extremely violent culminating in strangling me. I got away.

I didn't listen to warnings from exes either.

I'm sure he was nice to them at the start as well.

What happens if you disobey him?

He's telling you not to disobey him, how much clearer does it have to be before you listen?

I would use the knowledge you have from his exes and get out now.

Nevermond the exs surely his own words are gigantic red flags all by themselves.

What does he do when you disobey him or do you find yourself pandering to him?

The thing is, the majority of emotional abuse will never have been reported. So won't show up on Claires law. Plus, she already has two exs telling her exactly what a Claire law would if they had reported it. So she doesn't need one.

Anyone using the word disobey wouldn’t be my partner. I’m not their pet dog disobeying orders. I’m their partner and equal.

Well, why don't you try to disobey him and find out for yourself? I mean, are you really happy he expects obedience?

doesn't like to be 'disobeyed' (his words).

Jesus Christ, I would be running for the hills..

And what happens if you do disobey this prince

How many more red flags do you need before you walk away

He may have changed but I doubt it. I'd rather end a relationship and be wrong rather than end up falling pregnant and intertwined with him for 18+ years if he turned out to be abusive, and with the ter 'disobeys' being flaunted I'd put money on it. Often men can keep up the Mr nice Guy act until they trap you via marriage or a baby, once that happens they can drop it with the occasional session of love bombing to make you doubt yourself.