historical dating one 'wear something sexy'

In my 20s and maybe even my early 30s I probably would have gone along with it, thinking it was nice he was thinking of me 'like that'.

Now though? Not a chance.

I would have definitely cancelled but before doing so, I may have responded with ‘wear something that makes you look taller as tall guys are sexy’. It may have made him realise how much he was treating you like hired arm candy.

I would have turned up in a leotard with spinning nipple tassels

I’ve been with my DH for best part of 20 years and he wouldn’t dare tell me to “wear something sexy”. He respects me enough to let me make my own choices, for my own reasons.

Maybe I’ve got my period and my tummy is bloated so I wear loose trousers, maybe my back hurts so I wear flat shoes, maybe I just can’t be bothered making a fuss because I’m stressed or tired. He’s taking out a person, not an object.

Honestly it’s just disrespectful, and I would have told him that then blocked him.

This and I think you should be proud of yourself for cancelling!! When I was younger I'm not sure I would have had the confidence or self esteem to cancel or even to object but I think you absolutely did the right thing. If he was a nice guy then he will have learnt his lesson that you can't expect women to put up with any old crap you might want to say and if he was a creep then good riddance.

Relating to the OP's post, and my own... is the suggestion ever wanted?

IMO, it should always be up to the “wearer” to ask, IYSWIM, not the “looker” to request. Definitely on a first or other early date.

So “I was trying to pick between a jeans or a skirt for our date, what do you think?” rather than “I don’t know what you are planning to wear, but I do like a nice skirt”

However, I wouldn’t be offended if DH said, “you know we are out for dinner next week, could you wear your blue dress?” But we have 20 odd years under the bridge 😀

I had something similar said to me and I replied ‘I prefer to wear something classy’

We did meet up - I wore a nice dress he turned up in shorts tee shirt and flip flops and it wasn’t a hot day!

There was no second date 🤣

@SheilaFentiman (to save lots of long reply posts)

I agree, it's slightly 'softer' than " something sexy"!

For most men (I'd imagine), the prep for a date is simply to find a reasonably ironed nice shirt and trousers... for women, I get the impression that it's more of an event, and that a lot of thought goes into what you wear. Relating to the OP's post, and my own... is the suggestion ever wanted? I guess advice would invariably be asked for, like "are you more of a jeans person, or a skirt person?" But would it be intrusive or even controlling to preempt it and say "I happen to be a bit of a skirt/blouse man, so if you happen to have one and you're struggling to decide what to wear (subtle hint)".

Wear something sexy is different though... it rather suggests an intent.

I wonder if they were wanting to go somewhere costly that a suit would be appropriate.

Yeah… I don’t think that was terrific, but I feel like “could you wear a suit, I think they are sexy” is a step or two down from “wear something sexy” in terms of entitlement!

I agree that it might pass as a joke in certain circumstances in a conversation when people know each other and the tone is obvious. But texting this before the first date ….. the guy was either sexist or immature, probably a bit of both.
Good job that you just canceled without making any witty comments. In this situation witty comments might give the wrong impression whereas cancelling showed straight away how inappropriate his txt was.

Truth be told. I can't remember. This must have been maybe 15 years ago, but I think it was along the lines of could you wear a suit, I love a man in a suit/ I find them sexy. And yep, first date.

Suits are an awkward one... there's a fine line between the sixth form look 'I wear a suit, but it still kind of looks school uniformy'; or 'the suit wears me'; or actual 'drop-dead gorgeous'... maybe that's what was being assessed :)

I'd have probably said 'only if you do the same', and berated him all night when he inevitably turned up in jeans and a T-shirt. With an attitude like that it wouldn't have gone any further anyway but I'd have had some fun winding him up before throwing him in the bin

I had similar.... chatting to a guy on a dating site. Going okay arranged to meet for a cuppa. But he kept asking me what I was going to wear. As in short skirt and stockings!!!! Ffs!!! Blocked lol some guys have no idea

@C1N1C (a) was that a first date? And (b) how was it actually phrased? Was in an out of the blue “wear a sexy suit for our date” demand, or more part of a chat?

What
A
Twat!

As a man, I've actually had a woman (just the one, so no, it's not a regular thing) ask whether I could wear a suit as she found them sexy.

Same?

I obliged... didn't help my cause though! :)

Something only a man would say. They make their priorities clear don't they.

Of course you were right to cancel. The man was a demonstrable idiot before you’d even met.

@ManilowBarry you'd have been in trouble if Compo had shown up!

I went on a first date this somebody that I've met online dating. It was a boiling hot summer's day and I was wearing a floaty dress and a pair of bright red Crocs. The very first thing he said to me before he even greeted me, was "Well you might have worn sexier shoes!"

I’d have chalked that up to men being men, and gone on the date, worrying about whether I’d interpreted sexy correctly. I’ve learned, or rather unlearned, so much from mumsnet since my idiotic youth.

Tbf, I never liked anyone enough for a third date before I met dh but I could have saved so much time by just eliminating them at the beginning.

I'd have cancelled too. Why should women wear sexy clothes to please a man, is he from the dark ages or something?