3yo sent toilet on his own in preschool and he had an accident

Op was the one who referenced the clothing issue. And given he made it to the right place but couldn't get his trousers down it seems appropriate to highlight the advantage of eady to use clothing!

Oh behave!! Of course 'most' 4 year olds are bladder and bowel trained!!

I despair 😔

Yeah, I think this lad is not just OP's first, but OP's only. She therefore hasn't had much or any experience of "A is calling me for something, B is crying and I'm not sure why, C has to go to the toilet and tea needs to come out the oven".

People are getting annoyed as you see "too busy" as neglect rather than seeing that when they have more than one child to look after, that sometimes someone has to wait. They can't be everywhere at once. This was one of those occasions. It could easily happen at home when there is a 3yo and a baby for example... or even just as you are cooking dinner with one 3yo.

They should have been more supportive afterwards. And you, the person who has contact with this nursery, have misgivings... none of us can say whether they are valid or not as we don't them! But trusting your gut is important with childcare.

Such a great command of the English language, I rarely do what those with poor choice of language demand!

He is unable to manage his buttons, why then put him in buttoned clothing?
He isn't confident enough to use the toilet on his own, who is responsible for developing that confidence?
He had an accident, it's not a world shattering event.

I would trust your instinct. You are his parent. It’s your job to advocate for him. No one knows him or cares for his interests more than you.

nursery should support your ways to some extent and build your child up. Don’t accept this poor standard. Have a meeting, speak to the room manager and the nursery manger. Not conflict just a discussion about practices and expectations. If you find that your requirements can’t be accommodated I would do some research in the area and move him.

i would and I will advocate for my child. If I don’t who will? Also if I don’t shield them from emotional distress who will? What am I teaching them? He’s so little and their language is completely wrong - shaming and unprofessional AND not educated. He didn’t choose to wee on the floor. It shows a lack of education and compassion. And a lack of training in nursery.

its like people who think babies are trying to manipulate them by crying! Completely bizarre. I’m sorry this is happening. Please update us after you have a chat and how your son is getting on.

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You don’t trust the nursery. You don’t want to listen to any opinion that doesn’t agree with you. So take him out, why bother posting at all?

Both my children went to the toilet alone at nursery from the moment they entered the preschool room. In both cases it was before they turned 3 (even though they attended different nurseries). If they were going for poo and needed help wiping, they told the teacher this was the case and the teacher came along to help them a few minutes later.

The toilet part is entirely normal in my experience but if you’re not happy with it, take him out. You don’t need permission from other posters to do so

It sounds like the main issue was that the op dressed her son in trousers that were difficult to unbutton rather than something sensible like tracksuit bottoms

If OPs son wasn’t so babied and was able to go to the toilet themselves like the majority of 3 year olds we care for then the accident wouldn’t have happened.

my children could go to the toilet by 2.6years old themselves apart from needing their bums wiped when they shouted on someone.

as parents it’s our duty to nurture and guide our children to become independent while in nursery, school, high school and beyond.

@Italianita are you related to OP you seem very invested in someone else’s situation especially when the majority are saying she is being unreasonable.

I work in a preschool and we accompany recent potty trainers, whatever their age. Some children are toilet trained at just past 2 and well able to go to the toilet alone by 3. Others, it is later. I think after half a term, I would expect a child to be able to go alone or come back to me and say they need help. I can understand the preschool was busy, possibly understaffed, this is by far the busiest time of year for us as a whole bunch of kids are about to leave and we've been taking in 2 year olds as soon as they turn 2 so they're are usually a lot of children to deal with and staffing is thin.

The way his key worker spoke to you about the wee was not kind though and I would be asking for another key worker. Especially if they have been consistently taking him (why??).

In that situation, I would have said to your child: Are you OK to go alone. Come back and ask me for help if you need to? When he weed on the floor, I would have understood that this was a trauma response to the poo and certainly not deliberate.

So yes, the preschool is at fault, and don't sound very kind, but I wouldn't go as far negligent.

perhaps his buttons were stiff and he found it difficult to pull down.

Why would you put a 3 year old in trousers with stiff buttons that are difficult to put down??

He is traumatised by it and even had a big moment at home because of it

Are you sure? He is possibly traumatised by your overreaction.

Put him in jogging bottoms and practise going to the toilet independently at home.

Yes, surely at that age they wear tracksuit bottoms /leggings for preschool?
Mine always went in supermarket tracksuit bottoms and t shirt so I didn't have to worry if they got ruined by paint /mud/toilet accidents