Went on an awful date last night

Awful sounds apt.

Lets see how this reads to me: he organised you around his disorganised date idea, then fitted you around his own disorganised schedule of leaving work and meeting up without thinking about your impression of him (sending a gal on what initially can (in the background) feel like a wild goose chase meets Hannibal Lecter all on the off chance “he might be the one” or it might be good fun and a spark….

you finally find him as required and he hasn’t dressed to impress in your view, hasn’t been willing for some reason to accept your texts even though you played along with the crazy scenario thriller maze thread.

He wasn’t interested in (talking about) you. Didn’t show consideration as to whether you’d have liked to check out the open market thing more and everything was about him.

Am I right in all of this so far?
Does he sound like a catch?

life with him possibly cold at times like now feeling surplus to requirements while being intrigued and running around to please the other person, perhaps chasing something that isn’t there(?), sounds very much like an ex. If I was you OP I personally wouldn’t go there but that’s me. You (we all) deserve someone who would treat you the way you would treat them.

There are empathetic and considerate future partners out there. It’s important to find someone who can pick up on your emotional needs if, if you are looking for that. But if that’s not your goal then perhaps the lack of spark is what counts here.

I hope you have better fun with future dates and dating in general on you quest for a beautiful person to share life, love and sex with. What is your goal?

All the messing around about where to meet would have had me well pissed off from the start...

who in the world would consider him their 'type'?

Women who will be on MN a few years later complaining that their husband doesn’t listen properly and fails to remember their birthdays/special occasions , any allergies, their favourite foods or the names of their close friends and various other things they would like their life partner to take notice of.

I agree someone who insists on all the arrangements being to his exact specification, faffs about and then talks about himself constantly, showing no interest either in you as a person, or what you might enjoy on the date, sounds absolutely awful. It's a very low bar when a man like that would be considered 'fine just not your type' as who in the world would consider him their 'type'?

Sounds like he talked at you, not to you. Forget it. He sounds self absorbed and boring.
Move on

Trying to work out how to answer the question. Is YABU = politely declined another date?

Yeah, unfortunately, I've had a couple who talk at me, rather than having a conversation. Dating, particularly first dates, just has so many pitfalls, and I'm very selective of who I'll meet in the first place.

I don't like to do phone calls, but I do like to text for quite a while to get a feel for someone. Some guys ask about meeting on maybe the fourth text, but if I'm going to set aside an evening I want to know we're going to at least enjoy it. I usually arrange coffee or drinks, I meet them there if it's a first date, and though I'm adhd/autistic and have to try really hard to remember, I make sure I ask them lots of questions about their life and interests.

The date you had could have been neurodiverse or narcissistic, or just hoping it would lead to sex and didn't put much effort in himself.

You sound very young.

Just set your standards.

If they're not interested in getting to know what you're interested in. If they don't want to spend walking on the beach time with you.

They just want to shag you at their last minute convenience.

It was honestly easier to find partners, when a date didn't lead to immediate or expected sex.

Because then it was all about the person.

Yep, that’s me! Did divorce him though and, amazingly, he managed to find someone young and gorgeous Very Quickly - how a big salary can compensate for a small personality

I find it totally bizarre that people do this and then assume you must have enjoyed it as much as they did.

I get it OP, I had a date with a similar chap many years ago. Anything I managed to say - anything at ALL - sparked an anecdote about himself. E.g. what kind of music do you like? Oh, my cousin and I own a recording studio in Manchester, let me tell you all about it. Oh look, there's a pool table over there - do you play? Well, my cousin and I used to own a snooker hall in London, may I treat you to a ten minute monologue about it? Every so often he would say, "I seem to be just talking about myself, I'm really sorry how rude of me", then ask me a question that I would answer, triggering another soliloquy from him. In the end I simply redirected all questions to him, just to see if he'd notice, but he didn't.

The next day he sent a dozen red roses to my place of work with a card thanking me for the wonderful evening and asking me out for the following weekend. I declined, but it does illustrate that two people can be on the same date but it's a very different date for each of them, so I think YANBU.

@Thesunisanorange I see your point. I'm in my 20s and probably have a different experience of mostly online dating -

He sounds like he probably just really socially awkward and not had much dating experience. He didn’t do anything wrong though and has accepted that you’re not interested so… everything is fine

He should have met where HE had arranged, not have you wondering around town.
Not asking questions about you- big no.
Don’t bother with anyone like this. If he can’t make the effort now he isn’t going to put effort into the relationship down the line.
Stick to your boundaries op.
I also agree many, many men just want a half decent looking woman who they can shag and get to do the grunt work.

It sounds like you’re massively overthinking it and trying to find issues with it.

He just sounded nervous, which is understandable for a first date.

If you’re not into him, you’re not into him.
I don’t think there even needs to be a particular reason, sometimes we just don’t click with people.

He sounds like an alright guy and it’s all good experience for your future dates.

Exactly! Hardly any women are going to say 'yes' if a man turns up on a date and says, let's skip the date and go straight back to my place.

A lot of men are way more smooth than that, and play the long game. They know if they ask a girl round to their home on the first night it’s a bit too obvious and may put a lot of women off.

So they will court you first, then you become their girlfriend and then they get regular sex long term.

Just wanting sex with a half decent woman doesn’t necessarily mean one night stand. Sometimes they want long term but it still doesn’t mean they are seeking a deep connection and are bothered about getting to know you well on an emotional/mental level.

I was proposed to really quickly once by a man who was clearly looking for a younger woman he found attractive to fit the “wife” role. He talked a lot and barely knew me! I think he wanted sex, kids and someone to listen to him and it didn’t matter who that was as long they were young, attractive enough (in his eyes) and seemed interested in his chat.

Lots of posters glossing over the fact that he droned on about himself and showed zero interest in you and asked no questions. Sounds dire and no wonder you’re shocked he thought it went well!

I have to say YABU to be upset about the location if you refused to answer the phone. It would have been easier for him to explain why he's changed it and communicate locations

It does sound like you weren't really feeling it from the off lol, If he was irritating you before meeting

Doesn't matter anyway. You parted ways, onto the next one

If he was looking for sex I don't think he'd bother talking much. Or spending 1h20 it would be inviting you round his place

Or they treat it like a job interview where their aim is just to impress the other side to get through to being offered the job.

Sounds a fairly normal first date to me, just you didn't fancy him.

If you had spoken to him on the phone before then you would have picked up on the fact that he just wanted to talk about himself.

I read some of these dating threads and wonder why people bother 🤦🏾‍♀️. I think my patience is too limited for this.

We're not going to arrange to meet at Starbucks, get there and you’re directing me 1/2 a mile down the damn street. I’m going home.

All the pissing about at the start would have pissed me off too, I wouldnt have gone. Stinks of him testing you to see what you would put up with @Lordsoftheboards

Well it certainly does sound awful to me too! Tedious in the extreme and demoralising. Hope the next one is better!